They Are Ours!

Parental Rights Have Been Terminated!

Although this news is truly sad for the biological parents and will be upsetting on some level to our children now and in the future, we are rejoicing.
I feel as though the heaviest burden has been lifted from my spirit.  I had imagined how I would react and how I would feel and the scene wasn't what I thought.  It looked a little like this:

Amanda and I just pulled in the driveway from a rather large trip to the commissary.  As I walked in the door with both arms full of groceries, Amanda hanging off my leg and Brooke jumping to greet us, the phone rang.  Amanda said "It's my crazy Grammy again" (which it usually is.)  But, I looked at the caller ID and it said Lehigh County.  I always answer their calls, always.

Our caseworker for Lehigh Co. then gave us the wonderful news:  Parental Rights have been terminated.  The children will be ours.  The children are ours, but now the paperwork will match our hearts.

I tried my best not to cry or shout.  Amanda was with me.  The kids are always so sensitive to my moods that I didn't want to worry her with my tears.  Then I started the phone calls. 

Our caseworker in State College is filing our intent to adopt tomorrow.  We are serious and we want everyone else to know.

Here are the various scenarios:
1.  The parents have 30 days to appeal.  They do not appeal within the 30 days and the adoption paperwork begins immediately.  The adoption will be finalized in 2-4 months.
2.  The parents appeal within the 30 days.  The case is reviewed again.  There is NO REASON to believe that the decision will be overturned.  A termination case has never been overturned in the history of Lehigh County. 

*Please pray that the biological parents do NOT appeal this decision.


There are so many things I want to post about this.  They will come in future posts.  I'm high as a kite.  I'm thankful.  I'm humbled.  I'm relieved.  I'm happy.  I'm joyful.  I'm Momma.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

Don't Stop

Just when you think things are beginning to feel normal again...

...you get whacked in the head with a conviction stick!

We've had the kids just over six months.  It is only now that I can say things feel "normal."  All six of us have fallen into a routine and schedule that suit us all.  We're learning more about what makes each of us tick.  As parents, we're learning even more to anticipate what to expect from our kids.  I'm getting used to a "lived in" but still very clean house and the noise and chaos are something that calms my spirit now instead of something with which I must be patient.  We're really feeling "jelled."

Let Jordan and I both be honest here.  We felt like we've done our part.  We took not one but four children into our family and are providing them with the best life that we are able.  Knowing this, we have ingnored some opportunities to continue to bless others.  We have too regularly used our children as an excuse not to give more of our time or resources.  Now don't get me wrong:  I feel that children are a VERY valid reason not to exhaust your time and resources.  It is a priority of ours to spend quality time with our children and to give them opportunities.  However, that cannot be an excuse not to do more for this world or the people in it.  

Over the past few weeks I have been so strongly convicted that I simply cannot stop doing more.  There are two verses that are very familiar to me that have surfaced recently more times than I can count.

"This is how we know what love is:  Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.  If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?  Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

- 1 John 3:16-18

"Once our eyes have been opened we can't pretend we don't knwo what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know and holds us responsible to act."

- Proverbs 24:12

These verses are not new to me but as of the last few weeks they've held a completely new meaning.  Friends, we cannot let ourselves become complacent.  Shamefully, Jordan and I have allowed ourselves to fall into this way of thinking.  We cannot be satisified with what we are doing.  There is always a chance to give more, to love more, to invest more, to help more.  This can look so different but can make such an impact.

Hear me now:  USS Ames is NOT done.  We have made a vow to NOT stop helping and giving because we have already done so.  That is not a good enough reason to stop.  It will take some creativity.  It will take some energy.  It will take some sacrifice.  But it will change lives.  Every person reading this has our permission to help keep us accountable.  

p.s.  Still no word on the latest court hearing.  We're still waiting but we're hopeful.  Here are some of the latest pictures of the kids.  Please excuse some of my "didn't have time to rotate" pictures.

Face painting at Quantico Fest 2011

Pumpkin Painting

Bug Catching...although they had the bucket they refused to touch the bugs!

My parents and our nephew Tyler came down for a weekend.  The big kids begged Tyler to carve their pumpkins.

So proud of our Student of the Month!




The Ninja






Tinkerbell

Cinderella (plus about three layers!)



Alice in Wonderland
She has NO CLUE who this is but her favorite color is blue so this costume won!








 

Heading to a Halloween Party down the street







After a busy night of Trick-or-Treating.  And yes, the baby is picking her nose :) 



 

Still fighting...but the odds are looking better and better!

Before I go into detail about the court hearing please read this:
We are so very thankful for the unfathomable amount of support we have received.  I was humbled by all the support when the children came to us but am even moreso now.  I simply cannot believe how many people were rallying for us and our children.  I have lost count of the emails, the text messages, facebook comments, cards, phone messages, and gifts...I'm once again blown away.  From Happy Valley to California to Japan to Italy to the Midwest - we are grateful...just grateful.  Once again God has shown us His provision - only in a completely different way.  I am 100% convinced that I have only made it through this past week from the support of each of you - many of whom we don't even know.
I'm also very thankful for the grace you have shown me.  Thank you for not expecting much of me lately.  I have hardly returned one of those messages, comments, cards, or calls.  Please know that each of them were listened to or read and each of them was sincerely appreciated.  Thank you for knowing that I needed them and thank you for giving them without strings attached.  You each have shown so much of Christ's love to us and our children.  Thank you will never be enough.
We are thankful for YOU.

Now for the update:
Long story short, no decision has been made...yet.  But, friends, continue.
There has been a (fortunate for us) turn of events that we didn't quite expect that now have both biological parents in a condition where they are currently unable to care for the children.  Although we truly are sad (though not probably as much as we should be just yet) for them, we are rejoicing that this is the case.  This looks really, really good for us.  As upset as we were that we did not have a court date last month as we had hoped, it was for the best (as we know it always is but don't always believe it to be so).  If the hearing was last month, this turn of events may not have occurred.  PRAISE GOD for his sovreignty.
The judge is pleased that the children are "in a pre-adoptive home, are all together, and are thriving."
Those who are familiar with court (attorney's, caseworkers, etc) do believe that the judge will make a decision soon for the following reasons:
1.  The turn of events that just occurred
2.  The very few questions she asked and little concern she showed in court about the children (she had clearly read all the information sent to her - PRAISE GOD!)
3.  The fact that she scheduled a review hearing in six months from now (we're thinking hoping it won't get to this point and that she'll make a decision before then)

It is our prayer that a decision will be made in the next eight weeks...or even sooner.  I know, I know, that sounds so long.  We're learning that it's not :)  Visits still must occur, but we've been given a little slack with those.  We're only travelling once a month and when it's convenient for us and the children's school schedule.  PRAISE GOD!
This battle is not over, friends.  I will not rest until all the papers are signed and my children legally have our last name.  Please keep praying.  We're still fighting while we keep believing.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal."
2 Cor. 4: 7-9, 16-18
Thank you, Erin xox

The (Business) Day Before

I didn't like today so much.  I didn't really like yesterday or the day before so much either.  Today is the day that all parties must have their paperwork complete for the court hearing on Monday.  So, the past three days were spent on the phone and on e-mail with each of the workers involved:  the caseworker from our agency, the caseworker from the children's agency, and the caseworker from Virginia.  I have no problem spending time with them giving every single detail about my kids.  I have absolutely no problem running back to our well-kept records of dates, appointments, milestones, behaviors, etc to ensure that every single detail is correct for Monday's hearing.  I want everything to be perfect for them.  I need everything to be perfect for them. 

I do have a problem thinking about it all.

So, what does a Type-A-hates-to-feel-too-much-emotion do?  She stays busy. This week I have tried to make myself extra busy by doing extra house cleaning, preparing extra meals, planning for Christmas, planning vacations, and anything else to take my mind off of Monday.  I was doing very well just resting in His peace.  I was doing very well until all these well-meaning folks need to know information.  I was doing very well until they try to prepare me for the worst.  You see, talking about it makes me think about it.  I have to sit in the reality of it.
At the last court hearing we weren't at all worried.  This was supposed to be a slam-dunk case.  We heard great positivity from everyone involved.  This time, however, it is quite different.  We hear the "let's try to stay positive" sort of comments.  I hate hearing those.  I know what they mean.  I've said them to patients and patients' families before.  You say that when you really have no bloody idea how things are going to turn out.  You say it with sensitivity and hope because you really do care, but nonetheless you just don't know.  Believe you me, I'd much rather be in my lab coat telling my patient to stay positive than be in my bath robe having someone tell that to me.
The part that I don't like the most about this week is that Jordan has been away since Sunday and won't return until Sunday.  I do quite well when he's not here...which is a heck of a lot in his current program.  The kids and I manage fine:  the house stays clean, the meals are still prepared, and everything and everyone is accounted for.  Don't get me wrong - I'd much prefer him around.  I do love that fellow and love it when he's home.  We've just learned to pray for him while he's away and seize every possible moment with him when he's home.  We eagerly count the "sleeps" until Daddy returns again and when he does...watch out - we're selfish!  He is a good man. 
Along with my Dad, Jordan is the most reasonable and level-headed man that I know.  I love the fact that he isn't overly emotional.  I love the fact that he actually thinks with his head before acting or speaking.  I love the fact that he is always grounded despite the situation.  I need that (I think most women do).  This week I miss that.  So thank you to all of you who have filled-in in his absence by allowing me to stay busy with you, by not making me talk about it, by following my lead if I did, and for all the sweet notes, emails, and cards.  I appreciate it and I know he does too.
The hearing is scheduled for 1:30 pm on Monday.  It is a block schedule, though.  This means that it could be heard at 1:30, it could be heard at 3:00.  Regardless, I have made the caseworker who will be present at the hearing promise to call me AS SOON AS she comes out of court.  There is a decent-sized chance that the entire case won't be heard on Monday and they'll have to reconvene on Tuesday. I'm okay with that. Don't worry, she'll still call me on Monday.  We are praying for a decision to be made at the conclusion of the hearing.  Good or bad, we do not want these children to remain in the purgatory-like foster system.  Pray however God leads you to pray.  There are so many different angles.  Just pray for my kids.









15 Pages of Love

The court hearing is in less than two weeks.  A heartfelt thank you goes to everyone who is praying.

There is some good news, however.  We were sent paperwork from the court giving us the opportunity to submit a report on the children's adjustment, behavior, and conditions.  These reports will be distributed to all parties involved in the hearing.  The paperwork has some very specific questions to answer about each child as well as an "open comment" section where we have the opportunity to speak freely (the poor fools, they obviously didn't know to whom they were sending these papers - haha!).

Jordan and I spent literally hours filling out these forms and commenting freely.  We tried our best to include every possible thing we could think of regarding the children.  Thankfully, my Type-A self has kept impeccable records...see, I knew that part of me would come in handy some day :)

What we ask now is that as I am about to overnight this paperwork in just a few minutes that you pray for every set of eyes that read this.  Pray that they feel the love we have for our children radiate right off the very paper on which it is printed.  Pray that their hearts are softened and open to the needs of these children - whatever they may be.  Also, please pray that a decision is made at the end of the hearing so that this does not need to be drawn out any longer.

Just so you know a little about what we are up against, I'll copy in our closing paragraph from the 15 page, single-spaced word document (whew!):

"We understand and are sympathetic to the union and reunion of families.  However, it is clear to us and to all others who have met these children that their lifestyle of inconsistency and uncertainty has been detrimental to their well-being.  These children have not had ANY consistency in their life (please refer to the list of all the homes and moves they’ve endured) and this is clearly evidenced by their behaviors and insecurities.  Since becoming a part of our family we have dedicated 100% of ourselves to these children and their emotional, physical, academic, spiritual,  and social growth.  They have thrived in a home where all their needs are regularly met, where they are permitted to explore various interests and activities, and where a schedule has been maintained.  They have been provided with multiple opportunities and experiences such as but not limited to:  family vacations to the beach, amusement parks, hiking, swimming, gymnastics, jujitsu, Sunday school, boating, picnicking, church, and play groups.  They are being taught to be a responsible citizen and an irreplaceable family member.  We enjoy “doing life” with them so they can understand the value of everyday chores and activities such as:  cooking, cleaning, shopping, lawn care, laundry, and pet care.  They are a valued member of our family and we strive to make that known to them in words and actions.  They are also valued as a child of God, of which we also equally strive to make them aware.  We dearly and deeply love these four children.  It is our daily prayer and hope that any decision made for them will ultimately be in their best interest only.  If these children are not permitted to remain with us, we implore you to ensure ALL their needs continue to be met, appointments be maintained, and consistency be at the forefront of their lifestyle."

While we wait for this hearing, Jordan and I are trying to squeeze in any extra hugs, kisses, and love that we can.  I often find myself peeking in on them at night more than I usually do, taking an extra sniff of their hair, or holding their hand just a tad bit longer...just incase.

First Day of School - aren't they gorgeous.  I know I'm biased
but these are some beautiful kids!

 Her beauty captivates me.

 My two little pretty gymnasts.

She ate nearly three full apples!

 I know, but she's so photogenic...and beautiful.

Mr. Man with his sugar fix.

The six of us after apple picking in the rain!

Sin Scale

This past weekend Jordan and I went "back home" to Happy Valley.  It was under the guise of a Marine Event which he certainly didn't have to go to but nevertheless was a great excuse to return to State College and have our first weekend together since the children came.  It felt so good to see our friends and refill our love tanks.  But, I digress.
We were fortunate to be able to worship with our church in State College that weekend to hear Pastor Dan speak, to hear the worship team rock out, and to reconnect with our church family.  We just love his delivery style and were thrilled to have to opportunity to listen to the Word.  Pastor Dan has a gentle humbleness about him but often times it is that gentleness that smacks me over the head like a 2x4.  I can tell you see where this is going - I was smacked over the head by a 2x4.  Not really, but the message really spoke to me at a time when I clearly needed it most.  Isn't funny how God orchestrates these things?!?
Ever since the legal issues have become messy and unstable I have harbored unhealthy amounts of anger within me.  I'm angry at a host of different people who are part of this process in different degrees but I'm most angry at the children's biological parents and step-parent.  I simply cannot understand how anyone could mistreat their own children.  I've spent so much time and energy being angry at these three people (and the people who are fighting on their side) that it has exhausted me.  I simply cannot understand who could give these fools people a second third chance.
Oh, wait....SMACK!  There is somebody that does.  Bummer.
Darn you, God, for pointing my own finger back at me yet again.  You see, I like to use the good 'ole "Sin Scale" when I compare people...especially when I compare them to myself.  This is very dangerous and is a sin in itself.  ("Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged..."  Matthew 7: 1-2).  But really, their mistreatment of their own children and their own selves certainly can't be as bad as what I've done wrong.  I've never broken the law, I've never harmed another being.  See, I can surely use my own Sin Scale and tell that I'm better than they are.  Friends, I'm telling you this now:  You will get yourselves into big time trouble if you think this way.  Sin is sin is sin is sin.  The people who I absolutely abhor are no worse than I am...I am no better than the people I abhor. ("Everything we do wrong is sin..." 1 John 5: 17).  This is a lot to swallow.  Our legal system doesn't help this way of thinking because they have been punished quite severely for their sins while I sit comfortably in my nice house with my nice clothes and a clean (earthly) record.  It's WAY TOO EASY to fall into this way of thinking.  Trust me, I'm in the midst of it now.
What our sermon was grossly about was that God loves each and every one of us exactly the same - despite are fears, failures, and yes, even successes.  Our God is mighty to save...everyone...including my children's biological parents.  He loves them just as much as He loves me.  He desires to move in their lives and He desires to see them be healed and saved from that which cripples them.  He has a great and mighty plan to save the world...a world that includes them.  This is not easy for me.  I don't want to be okay with it.  I want them to run out of chances in Heaven just like they nearly have here on Earth.  And that is very, very wrong of me.  I should rejoice in the fact that these three people still have hope, lots of hope of being saved by their loving Father, by my loving father.  Why can't I rejoice in this?  Why can't I hope for them like I have for others like them?  It's simple - it's because their actions now directly affect me and my children.  And this, friends, is also very, very wrong.  I am called to love everyone.  Darn you, Jesus.  You have this on nearly every single page in the new testament.  Blast.
- "Bless those who persecute you [and my children]; bless and do not curse."  Romans 12: 14
- "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you [and your children]." Matthew 5:44
- "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice."  Proverbs 24: 17
      -- This isn't the new testatment but I surely think it applies
- "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink."  Romans 12: 20
- "But to you who are listening I say:  Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you [and your children]."  Luke 6: 27
I know my God is big enough to turn around my way of thinking.  He's done it before and He can surely do it again.  He is committed to helping me through this. I just need to do my part.
I know my God is big enough to save these three people.  I just need to do my part and stop being angry with them and start praying for them.  You could, too, if you feel so inclined.

Thanks again for all the love and support through the blog, facebook, phone calls, emails, and letters.  Jordan and I are still overwhelmed at the outpouring of love from so many people.  We'll continue to keep you all posted.

Time to Fight

We have a court date set for October 17, 2011 for a Review Hearing.  What does this mean, you ask?  Well, it's a not so fancy term for a lot of fancy talk.  Basically, the judge wants to know everything that has happened in the lives of the biological parents and in the lives of the children since the last time she heard the case (which, by the way, was the Termination of Parental Rights hearing on June 16/17).  Before you get your hopes up, this is not an "Ames are better than the X's" hearing - which is rather unfortunate for us (I hate to wag my critical finger, but really, these children have a pretty sweet life).  Instead it is "Can the X's care for these children" type of hearing.  This means, can they meet the needs of the children:  food, shelter, safety.  Thankfully, the judge can take into consideration all the special needs that the children have that we've uncovered over the past few months.  These are issues that aren't major issues, but issues that have been pushed to the wayside because they've been in so many homes (i.e., Brea's lactose intolerance; Brea's developmental delays; Crystal and Brea's eyes; Joseph, Brea, and Amanda's ankles; Amanda's GI issues, etc).  It makes consistency and follow-through virtually impossible when you are in a different home every couple of months.  It also takes a consistent, responsible parent to see that all the appointments and treatments are maintained.
Now comes the hard part:  Praying that God's Will be done.  Let me tell you this - I feel like I am betraying my children when I pray for this, I feel like I'm throwing them to the lions.  There is not a single fiber of my being that wants to pray this.  The only reason I'm doing it is because I know I should.  My heart isn't there yet - but thankfully my head is.  Jordan and I, along with our family and friends, have strived to give these children the life they deserve.  They are safe, they are cherished, they given opportunities, they are loved, and they know it.  I would give up everything - including my life - if one of these children needed it.  I loved these children before they ever set foot in my home...I've loved these children before I even knew who they were.  Now that they are here; however, I can't imagine my life without them.  We know where these children have come from and we know now where they are.  To our human eyes, it's a no-brainer.  Unfortunately we can't see the bigger picture.
Now please don't take the tone of this blog too negatively but it is imperative that we (we being Jordan and I) remain realistic.  I don't sit here and worry about my children being taken away from me.  It is a possibility, though, that I cannot and should not ignore.  Six months ago this wasn't an issue - six months later it is.  Who could have known.  Believe me, though, I am fighting.  I am fighting for the life of my children.  I am on the phone/email nearly every day talking to attorneys and case workers.  I keep careful logs of the children's medical and therapy appointments.  I leave no stone uncovered and no professional uninformed.  Yes, this battle is the Lord's but I sure can do my part.  My dear friend, Kate, once gave me a scripture card with two sides.  The first side has the verse:  "You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you..." 2 Chronicles 20:17.  The other verse is:  "Be strong and courageous, and do the work.  Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you..." 1 Chronicles 28:20 The past year the battle has been the Lords.  He did a fine job of orchestrating this whole process (as is His job!).  But now the time has come for Jordan and I to "do the work."  I am glad he is with us, though, because I sure don't want to do this alone.
Now comes a hard, honest truth.  I don't feel good about all this.  I don't want to say it too loudly because again I feel like I'm betraying my children.  The truth of the matter is I just don't have a good feeling.  Please pray for me.  I'm not sure if the Enemy is trying to knock down my faith and tear up my heart - which he certainly is in the business of doing - or if it's a way to prepare myself should that time come.  Pray that the Good Lord gives me whatever I need.  Maybe it's peace.  Maybe it's time to prepare.  Maybe it's more trust in Him.  Maybe it's some attribute that I have yet to discover I need.  Who knows?  He does.  He knows and He has what I need.  I just need to get ahold of it.
In the meantime, we're continuing to love on these loves.  We have certainly enjoyed the slower paced season of fall and are enjoying all that fall has to offer.

Confession

Now that the three big kids have been in school for a week I've had a little bit of time (amongst the LARGE amount of catching up from a crazy summer) to reflect on my role as the children's mother.

As I look back over the past five (yes, I know, crazy!) months I can recall times where I've handled situations with the children beautifully and times where I've felt that I've failed them.  However, what I do know is that every decision I have made regarding everything about them I have only made out of love.

Before I became a mother I must be honest with you all; I often would judge other mothers on how they handled their children.  That's no big surprise.  You know the drill "I would never let my child to do that," "Can you believe she's ignoring that behavior," "She's being extremely too tough with that child," etc.  Now, though, that I am on the other side of that fence I feel so badly for ever judging other mothers.  There have been quite a few times in the five months that we've had these children where people have questioned my rationale for how Jordan and I choose to handle the children or how we choose to parent them.  We try our best to take advice from other's who are more experienced (through parenthood themselves or through education) but the fact of the matter remains:  I am with these children all day every day.  I know what makes them tick, I know what sets them off, I know what makes them happy, and I know (most of the time) why they do the things that they do. We have a reason for every action and reaction we have.  We've tried different ways many times but we know what works best for our kids.

Don't get me wrong - we appreciate loving advice.  We're thankful for all the support.  But I'm sorry that I've ever judged another mother.  It is true when it's said "No one knows a child like his mother."  Though I've only had them a short while, I've invested much time, energy, and phone conversations with caseworkers and therapists to make sure that these kids are handled in the best way for them.

To all the moms that are out there:  Keep doing what you're doing by loving on your children the way you know best.  Keep looking to the Father for wisdom, patience, and even more love and he'll give it to you.

"I instruct you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths."  Proverbs 4:11  

*Hopefully another update will come soon.  With school starting I should get better at this again!

This battle is His

Things haven't been going as smoothly in the legal department as we were told or as we had hoped.  Please pray for our children and all involved in the decision making process.  Pray for the protection of our sweet little babies and for peace in their sweet little hearts.

I plan to update all about our summer as soon as school starts and I have a bit more time on my hands, until then, please pray for our loves.

"Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you."  Deuteronomy 3:22

All Settled

Goodness, friends, it's been too long.  All I can say is:  What a journey!  These last 8 weeks (yes, our children have been here for 8 weeks already as of this weekend) have absolutely flown by in the blink of an eye.  I'm not quite sure where to start with this update but I'll do my best to re-cap.

1.  The children moved in April 16.

  **Thank you to everyone for all your love, support, dinners, donations, phone calls, emails, etc.  I have finally finished all my thank you notes and they are going in the mail tomorrow.  This is truly a small miracle in itself :)

2.  Jordan was commissioned on May 13 and we had a weekend-long bash celebrating with family and friends.

**Thank you to all who came to the different events of that weekend.  Those blasted thank you notes are next on my list (I'm now wishing I had children who could write something other than their name...haha)

3.  We moved out of our home in State College (we are sad about this - we LOVE the town, the people, the church, our neighbors, etc) on May 27.

**Thank you go all who helped move us out of the little shoe box that we called home.

4.  We stayed with  my parents for the entire next week and visited with family and friends in Harrisburg.

**Thanks Mom and Dad for allowing your house to be invaded for a week...and for footing the grocery bill for 6 extra people! (and sorry, Dad, for all the little toys your poor feet stepped on that your poor eyes couldn't see!)

5.  June 4 we moved to Quantico, VA into a spacious home on a lovely piece of land that fits the seven of us beautifully (we always include Brookie in our count!)

**Thank you to everyone for your help moving us into our  new home and helping us with dinners, unpacking, and kid-entertaining.

As of today, every box is unpacked, every closet and shelf is organized, and my house is cleaned from top to bottom.  I am looking forward to my days now.  I can slow down a bit, enjoy my kids a little more, and really start living life a bit better.  Since the day we found out we were getting the children, only 10 weeks ago, I felt like I have been packing and unpacking every day since.  I'm glad that is over and I am glad we are settled.  

So, before I post some cute pictures of my babies, I'll get to the meat.  An important court hearing was held this past Thursday and Friday that will ultimately determine our children's future.  The judge delayed making a decision at this time.  From what we understand it could take a few weeks up to a few months for us to receive this decision.  To be quite honest with you, I haven't allowed myself to be affected by this.  I am very ashamed to admit this but feel that I need to:  the thought of these children ever leaving my side, let alone my home is unbearable to me.  I  have guarded my heart (not that way God intended me to guard it in Proverbs 4:23) by putting up my defenses.  It deeply saddens me to admit that the closest I got to praying for this was "Dear God, I can't even think about this so I'm not going to pray about -just protect my babies."  You see, the more I would even begin to think about it the more my body would ache and I would sense my mood going sour.  Perhaps it's a good thing I was so busy unpacking and organizing...perhaps it wasn't.  Regardless, I do regret not staying on my knees every minute of those entire days.  But I do know that my God understands my heart and loves me inspite of my selfishness.  I was only protecting my own feelings and not doing what I should have (this is NOT an excuse!).  But I also know that my God is watching out for my babies and has great plans for them.  I'm stuck in this small story in our small life (but thankfully much bigger home) and cannot see His grand picture (as I refer back to my previous post about the art picture and say to myself "Practice what you preach, missy.")

Please know that the judge not making a decision is NOT necessarily a bad thing.  Jordan and I were just hoping for good news right away.  From what we understand it is common for judges in these types of cases to take some time to make a decision.  We should know more this week after we talk to various caseworkers.  I am glad, though, that I have a second chance to go where I need to go - on my knees.  You can bet the farm that I've learned my lesson.  Regret hurts a lot more than a sad heart.  But, enough of that.  Please just pray for us.  Pray for discernment for the judge.  Pray for the protection of my babies.  Pray for the future of my babies.  I know many of you got to meet them and I know I am biased, but they sure are a great bunch of kids.

Now, for the happy stuff:  PICTURES!

They LOVE putting coins in their animal banks...mostly because they make noise when you do!

My beautiful butterfly - She LOVES dress-up, make-up, and grown-ups!

Water Baby - Don't let her fool you with those innocent eyes!

Our son, the fish.  This child can't get enough of the outside.  He loves all sports and has a new love of swimming.

My "Great Pretender" - This child has an imagination like none other.  She is ALWAYS creating or making something.

A trip to Chocolate World

Brooke has gracefully resigned herself to being the horse, the cat, the dog, the baby, the dress-up  mannequin, etc. 

Tractor rides with Uncle Buddy - don't worry, the blade is OFF

Taking a rest on our walk (approx 20 yards from our front door)

The Ames

Practicing in Grammy's tanbark for the real sand at the beach this summer.

At Jon's Commissioning with the girls - our poor buddy had to miss this since he was at school - bummer!

Jordan's Commissioning

That is just a small glimpse of our life in the past 8 weeks.  Things sure are different.  I always was a type A personality - you all know that.  At first I tried to be what I like to call "Type A 1/2" when the kids came but that didn't work.  Both myself and my kids thrive on schedule and routine.  We have certain rituals, rules, and ways that just don't change or we get ourselves out of sorts.  In my head (a scary place at times) I tell myself this is normal.  After all, even though my kids are older, I am still a new mother and we've only had 2 months together.  Everyday I am still learning about their personalities, likes, dislikes, interests, etc.  If none of us have to worry about what is going to come next in our day or what is expected of us at certain times then we all can spend that extra energy still getting to know each other.  Little things pop up all the time that we just didn't have time to cover in only 8 very busy weeks.  For instance just tonight my  5 year old asked me "Mom, when can we cuddle?"  I said "cuddle, what do you  mean?"  She said, "You know, you hold me under the covers and just hug and read stories."  I had NO IDEA this child ever desired anything like this...or when my seven year old asked me why I don't buy him pineapples to eat...or when my three year old  told me she hates the socks that don't fold down...or when my 2 year old after 7 weeks of putting her to bed with music on at nap finally said in her little baby voice "Mommy, turn that off."  Every day since I have asked her if she wants music and she says "No music." (I still cringe at this - I can't imagine a child of mine not wanting to listen to music!)  All these little things that every good mother knows, I am still learning.  And I intend to have a lifetime to do it.

We can't thank you all enough for what you've each meant to us.  I'll never stop thanking you all for helping make this miracle happen.  

Welcome, Sweet Children

Hi there, friends.  It sure as been a while since my last post.  I had such great intentions so many times of updating sooner than now...haha, time has a whole new meaning these days.
Let me give a quick synopsis of how quick the last month has been for us.  We were notified on March 29, 2011 that we were matched with four children.  That Saturday, April 2, we met them for the first time.  The following weekend we had an overnight visit with them in Hershey, PA.  Then, the next weekend they moved in to our home.  So, if you're doing the math, we had 18 days to prepare our home for four children.  Holy Cow!  Kids need so much stuff (I'm sure all you seasoned moms out there are just snickering right now)!  I kid you not - we spent every waking hour rushing to stores, filling out paperwork, organizing, and packing.  Thank you all SO MUCH for all the support you've given to us in preparing for these children.  So many people...even people I have never met, were beyond generous (Thank you notes are coming soon, I promise!).  You were all so giving of yourselves for the sake of our precious children and we are yet again beyond humbled.  The amount of sacrifice that has been shown by all of you leaves us speechless.  We cannot wait for the day our children will be old enough to truly understand this huge love story.  The Lord saw a need to place these children with us and you all helped us receive these precious gifts into our lives.  Thank you.
So - It's April 16th and we have the children...and we've been moving non-stop ever since.  I think May is the busiest month of my life...EVER.  Not only did the children move in (along with all the time and energy they require) but we must keep up with all the paperwork and various appointments during this transition, we have Jordan's graduation, Jordan's commissioning, our Very Ames Celebration Party, and we're moving to VA.  Whew!  Our plates are full but our hearts are overflowing with joy.
So the moment you've all been waiting for:  Meet our Children:

(We're still keeping the names off for now)



They are such precious gifts.  We love learning about each of their personalities.  Our son reminds me of the boy from the Sound of Music:  he wants so badly to be independent but still craves love and attention from his parents.  He is an excellent reader, a new bike rider, a vegetable eater, and a talker!  Our oldest daughter (on the right) is my little shadow.  She loves to help do anything:  fold laundry, cook, vacuum, feed the dog.  She loves to be a part of anything that is going on around her.  She's such a tiny little one but she is brave.  Our middle daughter (on the left) is our imaginative child.  She loves to pretend just about anything.  She can have 5 minute conversations with her dolls while she is "teaching them in school."  She's strong-willed and opinionated but sweet and cuddly.  Our youngest daughter (middle) sure is our baby and she'll remind you of that by saying "I'm da baby."  She has a great vocabulary for only just turning two and understands most everything we say.  She likes to be held and LOVES her baby dolls.
It's been quite a ride we have many things to work through (legally and with adjustments) so please don't leave us out of your prayers.  We continually pray that God's grace will just cover our children and fill all the needs that we can't.
Thank you again, really.  Jordan and I will never be able to express how thankful we are for your prayers, your love, your gifts, and your time.  I promise you that we will always remember your kindness and generousity.

Hodge-Podge

What a week!  We have been going non-stop preparing for our kids.  Our home and lifestyle were not equipped to bring four children them so quickly but boy are we getting there...beds, furniture, clothes, toys, etc.  You name it, we need it...and are getting it...quickly!

This blog is a hodge-podge of updates so please bear with me:

1.  We met our children for the first time this past Saturday.  They are just as sweet as the caseworkers made them out to be.  It is so very clear to us how badly and desperately they will need positive love and attention.  Once they realized we were a source of that they were all over us.  These sweet, sweet babies are craving structure and love - which we fully intend on giving them.  We get to have an overnight with them this weekend.  It is Military Day at HersheyPark on Sunday.  We've rented a hotel in the area for Saturday - Sunday so we can take them to Chocolate World on Saturday evening and then to HersheyPark on Sunday.  The rest of the timeline is as follows:  the following weekend (April 15-17) they will be spending the entire weekend with us.  Then, they must go back just for a few days (bummer).  When we pick them up on April 21, 2011 they will be staying with us for good.  Praise God!

2.  There are some legal issues that still are mildly concerning to us.  Please pray  that this adoption will be finalized without any disruption.  Pray this every single day.  Just because our children are in our house does not mean they are fully ours until we have our court hearing and the adoption is finalized.  We prayed so hard to get them here and now we must continue praying to keep them here.  We constantly remind ourselves that "this battle is the LORD's" and that He is in total control.  He only wants the best for us and our four babies, and thus, we must place our unwavering faith and trust in Him and His power. 

3.  Humbled. Jordan and I are nearly brought to tears over the outpouring of love and support.  I know I've said this quite a few times throughout this process but each time I say it we mean it more and more deeply.  We are thankful for each and every single one of you AND each and every single gesture of kindness:  emails, phone calls, cards, notes, gifts, financial support, set-up help, advice, etc.  We have even had gifts and support from complete strangers who don't know us or our kids but have heard of their story and their fresh start to life.  We always knew people were good...but we truly had no idea how good until now.  We always knew God was faithful...but we truly had no idea how faithful until now. 

"The Rock:  His works are perfect,and the way He works is fair and just; A God you can depend upon, no exceptions, a straight-arrow God." - Deuteronomy 32:4 (The Message)

If that doesn't give you peace, what can?  We'll be in touch, friends.  Next time you hear from me hopefully all the furniture will be here, we'll have our home secured down in Quantico, and we'll be even closer to having our babies move in.

p.s.  We're not comfortable posting pictures or sharing names in cyberspace just yet.  If you'd like pictures/names, etc. just email me and I"ll get them to you:  amessj23@hotmail.com

And Then There Were Six

Today is the day we received the phone call that changed our lives...

We are matched!!

We are going to be the parents of four (yes, I know, four!) beautiful children.  Our son is 6, and our daughters are 4, 3, and 2.  Because of some legal work that first must be done we can't yet share their names but don't worry, as soon as we can we will. 

They are the most beautiful children.  They have a lovely bronzed skin tone, striking jet black hair.  The girls all have curly hair too, just like me!  Their features are petite and tiny, their teeth are white as snow, and their smiles go from ear to ear.

We're going to meet them for the first time next week.  We're not sure what date yet, the caseworkers (ours and theirs) are working on that as we speak.  They could be living with us in the next 2-3 weeks if the visits work well.

As you can imagine my head is spinning off of my very neck.  I'll post again later once we have some affairs in order.  In the meantime, please pray that this transition goes smoothly and seamlessly.  Pray especially for the sake of our children fragile hearts but also for our hearts (which are beating out of our very chests).

I'll post again soon, but now I'm most excited to repost the verse that is my theme verse for this blog:

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..."  James 1:17

The Un-Update

I sure wish I had some news to share...good or bad.  Right now, though, we don't have any.  Consider this your Not-Really-An-Update-Update.

The agency/county from our first interview (the group of four) wanted to have their decision made by two Fridays ago (March 4).  Some unforseen or forseen (we don't know) events have occurred that did not let them meet that deadline.  They have been in contact with our caseworker and are very apologetic that a decision hasn't been made yet.  They assured Jess as soon as a decision was made as to which family is matched with the kids that they would let her know.  We're still waiting for some news on this one.  Apparently this isn't completely uncommon with this sort of case.  Things come up and can change easily.  We're just waiting to find out if we're lucky enough to love on these little buggers.

The second agency/county from our second interview (the group of three) should have finished interviewing other families by this point.  All we are waiting on is to hear when our next interview (Round 2) is with them.  They had set a goal for the Round 2 Interview to be held in the month of March.  They made it clear that this was only a goal and it could be pushed into April.  Hopefully they'll soon let us know and we can keep moving forward with these loves.

We're holding up in the Ames in house.  We are weary of waiting but now we're in a place of peace, a place we haven't really been in a while.  Recently, as we talked through this whole process we realized how much we were not in control.  Everything single thing that we thought would, could, or might happen a certain way did not.  In that place of having no control we can clearly see how it did indeed all work out okay and in some places worked out even better than we thought.  I never really thought I'd say this but there is real freedom in letting go of the need to control.  Please hear what I am not saying:  I am not saying that you shouldn't do what you can when you can.  I am saying that when you do what you can when you can, leave it at that.  Stop worrying.  Stop double checking.  Stop feeling anxious.  Stop bad attitudes.  Stop wondering why something didn't happen.

And start seeking and thanking the One who knows what he is doing all the time.

It's no secret that I like to maintain control in my life.  I like to plan, I like to organize, I like to be prepared, I like things my way in my time.  I truly don't believe these qualities are bad qualities.  In fact, they often come in handy.  When these qualities are bad and actually harmful is when I think that they are above the ways of God's perfect plan. 

A week ago as I was praying for my friends a word picture was given to me that I shared with them.  Picture this with me if you can:  a beautiful piece of artwork.  Any piece, just pick a piece.  I like Monet so I think of "Water Lily Pond."  If you take just one small portion of the artwork it doesn't look like much.  In fact, you won't even be able to tell what it is.  It may be a dark color, it may be a light color.  It may have no color.  It may be pretty or it may be ugly.  If that's all you can see, though, you'll likely base your feelings of the work on that one tiny little section.  If you have the ability to step back...waaaaaay back...and see the whole entire piece you'll clearly see how that little small portion fits perfectly into the big picture...the big beautiful picture.

After I prayed that for my friends it dawned on me:  Sarah, take your own bloody advice for once.  At that point it all kind of came together.  I don't need to see the whole big picture.  I know it's there and I know it's beautiful and that should be enough for me.  And that, my friends, is how peace came to me.

I still am weary and I still would love to have my kids but now is just a bit different.  It doesn't come naturally and isn't always easy to remain peaceful but it sure feels better this way (plus, I like having some sleep back!).  To those of you who have helped me get here by praying, encouraging, talking, and just sticking with me through  my mess of moods, consider this one great big thank you (especially to Jordan, Mom and Daddy).

My moral tonight is this:  please know that if you are in a situation where you are anxious, worried, upset, etc. there is peace for you.  All you have to do is ask for it.  That was my problem.  I didn't ask for peace, I asked for things to turn out the way I wanted them.  Now that I have that straightened out my load (and my step) is just a little lighter.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

Interview #2

Love them...love them all!

This interview went just as well as the first but looked different in a few ways.  First of all, it was MUCH smaller.  In the particular county we interviewed with on Monday there are three rounds of interviews (yes, I know...three!).  So, this interview had less people in it than our previous interview (that county only requires one interview to choose a family).  For interview #2 and #3 more and more people are added.
To make a long 2 1/2 hour interview shorter -  they liked us...they liked us enough that they decided immediately after the interview was over to advance us to "the next round."  Now, we just sit and wait for them to finish interviewing the rest of the families, make their decisions on who they will advance, and notify us when the Round 2 interview will be scheduled.  The good news is that if you make it into Round 3 they interview the final three families all in the same day and make their decision that very same day.  At least all your waiting up until that point is rewarded with some expediency!

So, we love them...we love them all.

Though this group looks so very different from the first group we can't help but love them too.  Each of these groups has such different group personalities and then within that each child has such a different personality.  We would be thrilled to be chosen for either set.  We've had some people ask us which group we would choose if were chosen for both (WISH!).  The answer to that is we could not.  There is not one single characteristic, need, personality...anything at all that would make us choose one group over the other.  They are so different and each so special that there is no way to compare them.  Should that happen, we'd leave it up to the expert...our caseworker.
                                         HOWEVER
We are still praying that we don't have to choose (or have anyone choose for us).  We're hoping the timing will be just right that we'll clearly know who our group is going to be.  Which brings me to another point.  We could walk out of these interviews without any children.  Boy do we hope that isn't the case...boy do we ever.
But I continue to claim that we fully trust in God's sovereignty during this whole process, especially now that we are so close - much closer than we've ever been.  But you know, as I sit and wait for "the call" or "the email" I am fighting feelings of nervousness and anxiety.  I'm trying my darndest to keep them at bay and out of my head.  I've been reminded (by others, by myself, by Jordan, and by the Word) that I am not fighting this battle alone.  I've got the greatest warrior fighting for me and my kids...the warrior that NEVER grows weary, NEVER gets anxious, and NEVER gives up.  I am confident His will will be done in this battle.  I sometimes just wish I could close my eyes and let Him finish while I hibernate :)

I'm going to leave you with two verses I've been clinging to this past week; they have a very special place in my heart.  These are verses that came to me at two different times at just at the right time by two people who didn't even know I needed them or why I needed them...these two women didn't even chat with each other about this.  In fact, one was given to me by a woman I had never met before.  Please notice how similar these two verses are...this clearly isn't a coincidence but rather a specific message meant for me in my time of need.  So thank you Kate O. and Sherilyn J. for listening and responding as you were directed.

"You will not have to fight this battle.  Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you...Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Go out and face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you." 2 Chronicles 20: 17

"Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you." Deuteronomy 3:22

(See, that doesn't look like a coincidence, does it?  Thank you Stacy S. for your post about coincidences!)