"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

What's the POINT of Discipline?

I attended a fantastic seminar provided by our church today entitled:  What's the POINT of Discipline?  I focused on the necessity of discipline when raising children but adding some grace into the mixture.  I left so encouraged.  The speakers broke this topic down into really applicable steps and not into broad ideas, which really helps a Type A person like myself.  I did my best to take notes which I'll share below.  I'd really love to hear your feedback on this as well as any additional tips and suggestions you may have.

What's the POINT of Discipline?

P:  Pray - Pray like your children's lives depend on it, because it does.  This doesn't mean only pray for them, it also means pray for yourself. 
- Make your relationship with God a priority and make this visible to your children.
-  You are called to be a Godly parent, not to raise Godly children.
-  The three most important things you can pray for your children are:
                   1.  Their salvation
                   2.  Their future spouse
                   3.  Their behavior
                             Notes on behavior:
                                 - Ignorance is NOT bliss when parenting, you must always pay attention to behavior, rewarding the good and disciplining the inappropriate.
                                 -  Pray your children get caught when misbehaving – they'll be safer for it!
                                 -  Encourage other family members and adults to help hold your children accountable for the behavior you expect and let your children know this.

O:  One - Be ONE with your spouse.  You and your spouse must ALWAYS be on the same page, supporting each other, in front of the children.
           - It's okay to not always agree on discipline, rules, and expectations but do this in private.  You and your spouse must be a united front or your children will drive a wedge in between you both...and they'll know it.
          - Honor and praise your spouse in front of your children.
          - Verbally and physically love your spouse in front of your children.
          - You want your children to have a healthy relationship to mimic and look up to

I:  Intentional - Be INTENTIONAL with your discipline.  Lazy parents will raise lazy children.
          - Decide your rules, expectations, and boundaries and UPHOLD them
                                       - Kids crave and desire clear expectations
         - Decide consequences ahead of time.  This will keep you from overreacting from anger and frustration or underreacting from weariness and fatigue.
        - Decide which offenses are punishable and which can be teachable moments.
               Note:  A punishable offense should be when a child is purely disobedient by breaking a rule out of sheer choice (this is why it's important to have this decided ahead of time).
                        A teaching moment should be when an accident happens from inappropriate behavior o rminor offenses.  However, a warning should then be given.  The next time it happens a consequence should follow.
             ex:  Punishable offense:  your child hits someone, throws a toy, refuses to follow a direction
                   A teaching moment:  your child is playing too rough and breaks a vase, your child knocks over his cup at the table because he's not sitting still. your child says a mean thing in response to anger
                        - Un-busy your life:  It is hard to be an intentional parent when you don't have the time.
                                    BUSY = Being under Satan's yoke; he wants you to be busy so you don't have time
for your children or for God.
                       -  You MUST be consistent - and you can't be if you're too busy!
                       - You will grow weary of being consistent, especially with the little things that you think may not matter "all that much" but IT DOES MATTER.
                       -  You must always follow through...every single time.  It will be hard and tiresome but God will honor your dedication.  You will see sweet blessings from this in your life. 
                       -  It is most difficult to remain consistent with the simple, mundane tasks.  If you tell your child to tie their shoes and they do not, this is disobedience.
                      -  Only make threats you can and will carry out
                               - This is hard in the heat of the moment, here's an idea:
                                           Make an "If-Then" chart.  This can be for you to refer to when your children are young.  As they get older they can refer to it themselves.  The concept of the chart is this:   If you do (insert behavior) then this (insert consequence).  This will keep you from over or under reacting.  You can make the behaviors broad (disobeying, saying bad words, etc) or very specific (typically child specific to target certain behaviors).

                       *Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child*

N:  Never - NEVER give up.  Your end goal should be for your children to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.
            - At the end of each day ask yourself:  What did I do to incorporate God into our lives today?
            -  Encourage yourself with scripture, music, other mothers and fathers
            - You WILL grow weary, find a way to refresh yourself:  bubble bath, reading, hobbies               
            - KNOW and TRUST that your children will thrive because of your consistency

T:  Teachable - ALL discipline should include TEACHABLE obedience
            - Your children must be taught to obey you AND to obey Jesus
            - Give your child grace BEFORE the action.  Do this by knowing their strengths and weaknesses.  Do not set them up for failure.  Rather, set the rules and expectations by their age and ability.  This is the grace.  Anticipate their needs.  They must strive to obey.
           -*We live in a child-centered society.  Children are now expected to act like children. Much of their inappropriate behavior is tolerated because they are children.  This is wrong thinking.  Do NOT be a child-centered home.  This produces children who are self-centered and full of excuses.  Discipline must begin at birth.  Society may scourn you but God will honor this and your children will be better for it.
           - Young children must be taught obedience to parents so they are obedient to other authority as they grow and mature (teachers, employers, and ultimately God).

Other tidbits from the session:
- Use the phrase "That's inappropriate" for anything (behavior, TV shows, music, clothing, etc) that may not necessarily be wrong but either is not God-honoring or doesn't fit into your family values.  This will give your children verbage to use as they get older without sounding condemning to others.
- Widen your circle of influence by meeting adults where your children spend their time (school, sports, etc) so you have other trustworthy adults who can help influence your children and help hold them accountable.
- Books:
    - How to Make Them Mind Without Losing Yours - Kevin Lehman
    - The Birth Order Book - Kevin Lehman
    - Parenting Beyond Your Capacity - (sorry, didn't catch the author)
    - The Treasure Tree
- Try "The Couch of Repentence"  When your children are arguing make them both sit on the couch and hold hands until they can each tell you how their inappropriate actions/language caused the arguement.  They must also tell you how they can avoid it next time.
- Try "The Manners Candle"  Buy a long taper candle and light it at the start of each dinner.  When ANY of the children have bad manners it gets blown out and is NOT relit that dinner.  When the candle melts down to the end the children are then rewarded somehow (special dessert, dinner out, etc).  This makes them work as a team as well.  It's up to them to determine how long the candle stays lit.  The candle is blown out at the end of dinner, as determined by the parent.  You may  have to set a time limit if they're smart enough to eat slowly to prolong the burning!
- Learn your children's love language and USE IT!
- Don't underestimate the power of verbal praise as a reward; don't be too quick to buy presents and treats for good behavior.
-  Don't set reward systems for expected behavior that they've already mastered.  Set reward systems for learning behaviors.
- Incorporate scripture daily
- Respect the importance of family meals
- Listen to your husbands.  They may not know your children the way that you do but God gives them the wisdom to raise a family.  They have an entirely different perspective that may be useful.
- Give grace BEFORE the punishable offense by knowing your children.  Boredom is a precursor to bad behavior.  Help keep them occupied with different toys, crafts, games, etc.  Balance this with making sure they know how to occupy themselves (make sure they have appropriate things to occupy themselves with).
- VERY IMPORTANT:  Show your children that you have the same discipline that you expect from them.  Keep your home clean and in order, have household chores not only finished but finished correctly, always be on time for work/events, make time for your children, make time for your God, make time for your spouse.  Try your best to set the best example you can for your children.

There it is, friends.  Again, these are my notes from the seminar.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Since visitations are over and we're soon moving to NC, our season of traveling to and from Harrisburg has come to an end (HOOOORAAAAAAYYY).  We may be up to visit now and then but not often and likely not for a while.  Quite frankly, the kids and I are plumb tired of traveling.  Since they've come to live with us the kids and I have put over 5,000 miles traveling to visits between State College and Allentown and between Virginia and Allentown.  In fact, the only time we've ever been to Harrisburg without going on a visit was for Christmas.  They have been such little champs but we're all weary of leaving our home so often.  However, I want to thank some real champs:  my Mom and Dad.


They have graciously allowed us to invade their home time and time again so that the children didn't have to make the journey all in one day.  They have prepared their home for us by keeping a large stock of toys, arts and crafts, books, and outside toys.  They have suffered through barbies, babies, trucks, and blocks all over the house, under the couches, on the front porch, etc.

They have fed all of us each time.  Both Amanda and Brea have special dietary needs which they willingly accommodated...not to mention it isn't cheap to feed all five of us (six the times Jordan came) on the strict Sarah Ames diet.  Often times I'd wake up and my Dad and Mom would already have the kids breakfast on the table ready and waiting for me to wake them.  My mom would also have all our meals hot and ready when we returned from visits or visiting.

Aside from having four little children run around, Brooke also always came as well.  They played with her and took care of her while we went on our visits, they fed her, and even bathed her a few times too.

They prepared five extra beds, five extra set of towels, and bought all of our toiletries, and then did all of the laundry each time.  My mom even always did our laundry before we left so I wouldn't have to bother with it when we returned home.

They also respected my rules for the children and expected the children to behave in their home as well.  They understood the special needs and requirements for each of them and did their best to follow through to keep the children calm.  Though it was terribly inconvenient for them at times, they didn't complain.

In addition to allowing us to invade their home, they always (very graciously I might add) welcomed the onslaught of other family and friends who wanted to see us or whom I wanted to see.  At any given time there was almost always extra friends and family in the house whom they also entertained and fed.  They allowed us to make our schedule however we wanted and always worked around it for us.

So thanks Mom and Dad (and Kayla, too!) for so willingly and lovingly opening your entire home - top to bottom for my babies.  We love you!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Jordan Daniel

I certainly would be remiss if I didn't write a tribute to my husband, Jordan.
Jordan Daniel
(Isn't he so handsome?)

I hardly know where to begin. 

Jordan is a strong man.  He has a commanding sense about him when he's in the room but he never is overbearing or overwhelming - not anywhere close to it.  His quiet presence seems to affect others in a way that I haven't seen often.  He respects others' opinions and he also does not agree with others' opinions at times but he's never one to argue about it.  In fact, he hardly discusses it unless asked or invited.  Jordan marches to the beat of his own drum (no pun intended here, he is a drummer).  He knows what he believes in and what he would like to do and he does it.  He never cares what others will think, say, or do.  He's a man of conviction...the quiet kind, not the brazen and bold kind.

Jordan is a man of integrity.  Jordan follows through with all of his commitments...the whole way, not part of the way.  He is a man of his word.  He does not lie, exaggerate, stretch, omit, or alter the truth in anyway whatsoever.  Sometimes I feel he is honest to a fault but it's never once come back to get him.  He is the man who can carry the sign "Honesty is the best policy."

Jordan is a dedicated man.  Jordan puts 100% into all of his responsibilities:  our marriage, our children, and The Marines.  He wakes up earlier than the Corps makes him so he can stay physically fit, he stays up late on long days to be with the children, he turns off football games to spend time with me, and he'll suffer through John Wayne and LOTR to make me happy...the list continues.  He's a hard worker; rarely taking time for himself.  He is not selfish, not selfish at all.  He's giving of himself for the sake of our family and for his career - I truly respect and admire him for this.

Jordan is a natural born leader.  He understands the importance of "actions speak louder than words."  He rarely tells anyone what they should do but rather shows them how by living it out in his life.  He does not point fingers, condemn, or give advice where it is not needed or wanted.  He continues to do the right things in the right ways day after day...and wouldn't you know, people notice.  He never once has told me how to do something , to start doing something, or to stop doing something.  He only does what he feels an knows is right - I see that and I learn from him (he reminds me a lot of my Dad in this regard).  He's a doer, not a talker.  He has an open mind and a closed mouth.  I love that, too.

Jordan respects the woman that I am.  He understands my strengths and my weaknesses.  He allows me to use my strengths in our marriage without fussing or "putting his hand in the pot."  He also compensates in the areas where I am weak without holding it above my head or making me feel badly about it.  He respects my career, my opinions, my mind, and my heart.

Jordan is a godly man.  The Lord's favor has always shown in Jordan's life.  I truly believe this is because he is man who pursues God.  Though his time is highly limited from his job, he makes time for church, for devotions, and for prayer.  He doesn't waiver or faulter but always does what he knows is true and right, regardless of the consequence.

I know my husband isn't a perfect man, but he's perfect for me.  I respect and admire him more and more each day...and I'm thankful, very thankful. 






Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Amanda Elaine Elizabeth

And now for Daughter #3, the sauciest of them all.
Amanda Elaine Elizabeth
Age: 2
DOB: 2/9/09
Favorite Color:  orange
Favorite Food:  If you can eat it, it's her favorite. 
Favorite Activity:  talking, talking back, following Mommy around the house, and playing dress up with Brooke
Favorite sport:  riding her scooter and her bike
Interests:  dogs, Uncle Chris, food, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and Tinkerbell
How she chose her new name:  Another true story:  When the older children decided to pick new names, Amanda chimed in from the back seat of the van "I be 'MeenahMeenah'."  She was the first to decide her new name.  Now "MeenahMeenah," in Amanda-eese, is translated:  Miss Amanda.  From the first time that our Amanda met my lifelong friend Amanda Wright Stettler she has been obsessed with her.  Since that day in May she has called herself MeenahMeenah and she has called all of her baby dolls "Baby Abby," who is Amanda Wright Stettler's daughter.  Six months later our Amanda can actually say her name correctly but when she refers to Amanda Wright Stettler she still calls her MeenahMeenah.  She also still names all of her baby dolls Baby Abby.  We gave Amanda two middle names only because we couldn't decide on one.  Since Crystal chose two and Amanda Wright Stettler has two middle names, we decided to give our Amanda two.  Elaine is Jordan's mother's middle name and Elizabeth is my mom's middle name.  That's the story of our Amanda Elaine Elizabeth.

Amanda is our saucy child.  She is in time out 4-6 times per day not because she misbehaves but because she talks back or talks too saucy.  Each time she says something she's so funny about it, but unfortunately for her many of the times it's inappropriate.  She's something else.  Let me try to remember a few of her lines over the past few months:
- "Momma, if you don't stop fussin' at me I'm going to pop you in the mouth."
- "Grandpa, get over here right now (she's in my parent's bathroom and my dad is in the kitchen).  Grandpa, I said you get over here right now (he finally comes to her).  I'm pooping in your toilet, hahahaha."
- "Momma if you don't give me that you're going to be a Mean Witch."
- "Get away from me and shut the door, I'm so mad at you right now."
- "Does anybody have any broccoli around here, I'm starvin'."
- "Nobody can touch my dog or I'll shoot you with a shoot gun" (yes, shoot gun, not shot gun)
- As she's dancing in the living room she's shouting:  "Is there anyone more beautiful than myself"
- After I told Amanda she was so smart she replied:  "Jesus made me smart...and pretty too."
She really is a riot.  Thankfully her "timeout" area is a stool in the bathroom so I don't have to take her too far before I burst out laughing.

Amanda has an imagination at two years old that can rival that of any six year old.  Likely a result of her past, Amanda can entertain herself for hours at at time.  I'm not kidding.  Because of her age she mostly parallel plays instead of actually playing with other children (unless the older kids make her play with them!).  She can use one baby doll and pretend so much.  If she doesn't have what she needs, she just pretends.  You have to see it to believe it.  She's incredible.  She has a mind like Walt Disney in that way.  Because she entertains herself so well timeout is a real trick.  If she's left on the stool longer that a minute she'll pretend she has a dog or a baby and then pretend she's playing with it.  We've had to be real crafty with timeouts in order to make them effective.

One downside of Amanda entertaining herself so well is that while we were sorting through and addressing the more serious issues of the older children Amanda often was inadvertantly shoved to the side.  It seemed that the sqeaky wheels got the grease.  The older children required so much more time and attention and Amanda demanded nothing of us.  It wasn't until a few months after we had the children that Jordan and I realized that Amanda never came to us for affection or attention.  She sure loved it when we gave it to her but she never sought us out.  She didn't realize that adults were a source of love, affection, and attention.  We actually had to teach her this.  From that point on we made a conscious effort to give her extra undivided attention.  After only a week she caught on...and ever since then she hasn't left our side.

Amanda enjoys having me to herself while the big kids are at school.  She would really much rather help me fold laundry, fix beds, and make dinner than play with her toys.  Every morning she asks me "What are our chores today?"  She's a fast, attentive learner.  She can match socks, fold towels and rags, sort each of the children's clothes from another, stir pots of food, sort the silverware and dishes, and sweep the floor.  Her favorite thing to do is unload the dishwasher - I hope this lasts until she can actually reach the cupboards :)

Amanda loves her Uncle Chris.  She talks about him all the time and colors an endless supply of pictures for him (many of which I don't even send...shhh!).  When she's with him he's the one who has to bath her and dress her.  You should see his baby pictures.  He and Amanda nearly twins.  When the girls got their ears pierced she demanded that she sit on Uncle Chris's lap.


Amanda adores her Daddy.  She's the child who is most excited when he comes home from the field or from a day at work.  She always remembers to pray for him and she prays specifically for his situation.  This is one of my favorite prayers she said for him (give or take a few words):
"Dear God, Thank you that Daddy is done working in the rain in the field.  Thank you
that he can sleep in his comfy bed at Christmas time with Mommy and that he can eat
breakfast at our house.  Amen"

Amanda has a real heart for caring for others.  She always makes sure everyone has blankets and pillows when they are relaxing...even Brooke.  She gently will pat our backs and stroke our head while saying, "I love you, you are so pretty/handsome."  She always asks "Are you feeling happy?"  Amanda has a tender spirit and truly seems to enjoy seeing to other's needs. 

Conversely, Amanda is fiesty.  She does not like to be bossed around or told what to do.  She enjoys figuring things out for herself and typically has the patience to do so.  This ranges from coloring in the lines to dressing herself to doing a puzzle.  I enjoy seeing independence in this child and the pride that comes from achieving it.

Amanda may be a chef some day.  She LOVES food, all different foods.  She eats spicy foods, every raw vegetable, every cooked vegetable, fruits, meats, you name it, she'll eat it.  She takes eating very seriously.  She has really mastered the table manners we've been trying to teach and now will use both utensils so that she doesn't have to touch her food.  She remembers not to talk with her mouth full and will remind whoever is doing so that it isn't appropriate.  She remembers all the "good" food choices we've been teaching the children and will also holler at anyone who is making a bad food choice.  Embarassing at times, yes.  However, we're proud she's learning.

Amanda especially loves our dog, Brooke.  She calls Brooke "her baby" and always is with Brooke when we're in the house.  There is a mutual love between the two of them.  Amanda puts headbands and bows on the dog, lays on the dog, covers the dog with loads of blankets, sings to the dog, and even feeds the dog her breakfast.  They really are pals and it puts a smile in my heart to see this.

Amanda's just a sweetheart.  Aside from her saucy mouth, she really is a sweet, loving child.  I've really enjoyed having her home with me.  It has allowed me to really get to know her which wasn't so easy with the three big kids home.  She's got a smile and a pair of eyes that can melt your heart in an instant.  That sure has made disciplining her tougher but I can handle her!  She's my snuggler, my baby, my saucy, sweet, Amanda.  I'm really not looking forward to her turning three next month.  My baby is growing.








Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Brea Scott

Daughter #2
Brea Scott
Age: 4
DOB: 9/4/07
Favorite Color: blue
Favorite Food:  goldfish crackers
Favorite Activity:  coloring, cutting, and puzzles
Favorite sport:  swimming (she's a fish!)
Interests:  her Grandpa, Dora the Explorer, solitary play, preschool
How she chose her new name:  When Brea decided she wanted to choose a new name (again, her choice, not ours) she wanted to be called "Grandpa."  She loves her Grandpa Snyder more than most anything in the world.  It took a looooong time to make her realize that someone's name simply cannot be Grandpa.  We had to explain that Grandpa's name wasn't even Grandpa but that his real name is Scott.  Well, then she wanted to be called "Scott."  Great, now we were stuck.  After another round of explaining she settled on her middle name being Scott.  Jordan and I chose her first name for her which she happily agreed upon because she was already excited about "Scott."  It's short, easy to spell, and somewhat like her original name.  The only catch is she prefers to be called "Brea Scott" and not just "Brea."  Around the house her nicknames are Scott, Scotty, and Little Scott.  She's pleased, we're pleased, and my dad is thrilled.  That's how we got our Brea Scott. 

Grandpa and Brea Scott



Brea is a child that makes my instinctive protectiveness flare.  Brea has a host of special needs that include:  dietary restrictions, behavioral issues, mild MR (mental retardation), ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), LLD (Language-Learning Delays), and Developmental Delays (in fine motor, gross motor, and speech).  She sees a specialist for most every part of her body except for her teeth!  We're currently in the process of sorting through what all of this means and the severity of each with her neurologist and therapists.  She attends a specialized preschool where all her needs are met and she receives daily therapy in each domain.  She's a very high-level child in regards to functioning but she clearly has needs that require extra attention.  However, just by meeting her a few times or by watching from afar one may not know she has special needs.  This is where my "Momma Bear" attitude is exposed.  I cannot and will not tolerate anyone commenting on the functioning, behavior, or my parenting of Brea.  She and I have come a long, long way and have a mutual understanding of how her life must go.  Over the past few months (with tremendous amounts of help and support from the neurologist and professionals at her school) we have really nailed down a healthy lifestyle and schedule for Brea where she can thrive and become all that she is able.

Because of her sensory and stimulation issues she easily becomes overwhelmed and overstimulated.  What I am most proud of is Brea's new found ability to self-monitor and self-regulate.  She can now (85% of the time) stifle one of her fits until she's walked herself into her bedroom and closed the door.  She'll then lay on her bed and scream and kick until she is done.  When she's done she comes back out happy.  What we're even more proud of is that she's learning her own breaking point.  Within the last month she will now take herself to her room before she starts having a fit, will close the door, and will read books or do puzzles until she's regulated her body again.  Sometimes she'll stay in her room for 20 minutes, sometimes she'll stay in her room for three hours.  She really has come so far.  I couldn't be prouder of my little nugget.

Brea is an equal opportunity player.  She enjoys girl toys such as barbies and babies but she also loves boy toys such as cars and blocks.  She does not like Disney Princesses but will tolerate Jasmine because she wears blue.  All of her baby dolls and stuffed animals are boys and have boy names...except for Dora.  However, Brea loves to wear hair bows and dresses...as long as they are not pink.

Brea is very sensitive.  Her feelings are so easily hurt but she also is very sensitive of other people's feelings as well.  She always tries to comfort a sad person and she always laughs with a happy person.  She is incredibly intune to my demeanor.  She can read me like a book and her attitude will most always reflect mine.  Brea loves to sit on laps but does not like to be held.  She loves to give kisses and hugs and always tell me she loves me.  At school her teachers tell us that all the other kids always want to be near with Brea because she so nice and caring.  Brea always shares her toys.  She usually will not play with you (as she prefers to play alone) but she will always give what she has.  Caveat:  You must first ask.  If you take her toy without asking she'll likely have a fit.  However, she'll never tell you no if you ask.  She's thoughtful and considerate.  She's just a love.

Brea is a strong-willed child.  When she has an idea in her head she will not rest until she sees it to fruition.  Many times strong-willedness comes across as stubborness...and many times it is.  She LOVES to test me.  Out of all the other children Brea is the child where consistency is the key.  If ANY rule or expectation is changed she will undoubtedly have a fit.  This is more a result of her special needs than of the trauma of her past but nonetheless is a combination of them both.  We cannot waiver even the slightest way in our routine and expectations.  If plans are going to change, Brea must be briefed and prepared well in advance.

Brea loves her Grandpa.  I'm glad I don't live next door to my parents for I fear I would never see my child.  When we visit my parents she will sit on my dad's lap for hours at a time looking at books.  She doesn't even care if he's watching television, she just wants to be near her Grandpa.  I'm not sure what the connection is nor do I really care.  I'm thankful she's finally attaching to family and friends.

Brea continues to amaze us day by day. Our God, in his infinite wisdom, gave our special child so many gifts.  Where she struggles just to dress herself, she can put together a 24 piece puzzle without looking at the picture.  Where she cannot recogize all of her letters, she can recognize all the roads between Pennsylvania and Virginia and will tell me which landmark is on each road.  Where she can't walk ten feet on a wide balance beem without falling, she can jump off the low dive and swim to the ladder.  She truly is a gift with so many gifts.  We are uncertain how Brea's life will develop and unfold but we are certain of this:  She is here for a reason, a special reason.  She will undoubtedly knock the bloody socks off of everyone she meets with her determination and her love.








Monday, January 2, 2012

Crystal Kay Marie

And now for my oldest daughter:

Crystal Kay Marie
Age: 5
DOB: 2/10/06
Favorite Colors:  pink and purple
Favorite Food:  oranges and butter and jelly sandwiches
Favorite Activity:  playing house
Favorite sport:  gymnastics
Interests:  Disney princesses, baby dolls, barbies, and fashion
How she chose her new name:  When she decided she wanted a new name (her choice, not ours) she chose Crystal after my Grandma Snyder and her Great Grandma Snyder, Crystal Joy Snyder.  She chose it because "she loves Great Grandma a lot and because it's a 'snazzy' name."  She then told us she chose "KayKay" as her middle name after my sister (whom they call Aunt KayKay) because she loves her so much too.  We had to do a little persuading and drop it to "Kay."  After a few more minutes of thinking she asked if she could have two middle names since she loves Aunt KayKay but still loves her original middle name, Marie.  Again, we couldn't argue with that so now we have our Crystal Kay Marie.

Crystal is my mystery child.  It takes every neuron in my brain to read this child.  She is a five year old girl who would like to be 25 most days and completely independent.  However, some days she wants to be five months old and completely dependent.  Women!

Crystal is a very social child.  She loves to be around people all the time. The girl can't take a bath without shouting out for me every five minutes or so.  She is not content to play with her toys unless someone else is in the room.  She cannot stand to be alone.  She craves attention; she thrives on attention.  Truth be told this scares me a little bit.  We are working incredibly hard to teach her to seek the right kind of attention at the right times.  We are also trying so hard to teach her to be content with herself.

Crystal is 100% Type A.  She follows all the rules and her room is neat as a pin.  If you open her drawers you'll find everything is arranged just so.  Her dresser is neat and organized.  Her shoes are always in a perfect line.  Her toys are sorted by type in her toy bins.  She wipes out the sink after she brushes her teeth...everytime...without being told.  She rarely needs to be told to do something twice.  She really is an easy child in this regard.  You can always count on her to do her chores thoroughly and then do a few on top of that.  As a mother I appreciate this tremendously.

Crystal must always know what is next in the schedule.  She hates surprises (even good ones) and uncertainty.  It's almost as she needs to mentally sort out how each activity will be for her or how she wants each activity to be.  However, this has developed a control issue within Crystal.  Likely from all the uncertainty in her past, she feels the need to be in control of nearly everything.  This is Crystal's main issue.  There is a HUGE difference in liking to be in control verses needing to be in control.  Crystal can really have a negative attitude when situations, whether they be in play or in our actual schedule, don't go her way or don't go as expected.  The two mantras we always repeat for her are:  1.  Show love not hate and 2. You worry about you.  She is working very hard on this and we have noticed a big difference in her attitude when she tries.  She truly is trying and we see that.  We're very proud of that.  It tells us she understands and is trying to make a change.  God bless her little heart, as adults it's so hard for us to make a personality change.  Can you even imagine how hard it is for a child...especially for a child who has only experienced 9 months of positivity?

Crystal is a Momma's girl.  She loves her Daddy very much but she clearly needs her Momma.  She does not rest when I am away.  In fact, she often will act out whenever I have to leave.  I'm not sure if it's because she's truly sad because I've left or if she's actually mad that I left.   Nonetheless, my times away from the house without her are far and few between and are usually for necessity and not recreation.  Even when we leave the house, she must be the one to hold my hand.  If my hands are full she holds on to my pockets or purse.  If I'm in the living, so is she.  If I'm in the kitchen so is she.  I know she will need to learn that I will always come back but for now if I don't have to leave, I'd rather not.  I want her to be content.

Crystal is a fashionista.  Where Joseph is all boy, Crystal is totally all girl.  She loves to coordinate her clothes, hair ties, socks, shoes, etc.  She saves her money for the newest and coolest fashion accessories.  She dictates to me how her hair needs to be done.  She carefully chooses her body mist for each day.  When she's dressed and ready she poses in front of door and asks "How beautiful am I today, Mom?"  In our new house this girl will need the biggest closet.  Even when she colors, nothing is ever the color it's supposed to be but rather the color she feels it ought to be.  For her, the more color the better and the brighter the better.  Soon, she'll be giving me fashion advice.  She loves to sit at night and do my hair and put on my make-up.  Once she's done, she'll wipe it off and start all over.  She's already counting the years until she's 13 so she can wear make-up too.

Crystal has a memory like a steel trap.  She doesn't forget anything.  This will serve her well in schooling.  Because she had a late start in the education domain she was behind her peers at the start of kindergarten.  In just six months she has already caught up to them and has surpassed them in math.  She is truly a whiz with numbers.  She already understands the concept of addition and subtraction...thanks to the wonderful Disney Princess flashcards and workbooks (thanks, Zia!).  She also memorizes songs, rhymes, stories, etc.  The only caveat is that she only remembers what she is interested in...typical child!

Crystal will go far in life.  She has excellent organizational skills and the foundation of good leadership qualities which once refined will allow her to lead with love and grace.  She also has the desire to do well.  This means so much in life.  Without desire, your skills mean nothing.  She will be something wonderful.  For now, she's my wonderful child.









Sunday, January 1, 2012

Joseph Joshua

Last night as I was waiting for the ball to drop I couldn't help but reflect on all the many blessings in my life.  Naturally, my children are at the top of that list.  With that in mind, I've decided to do a sort of tribute for each of them on the blog, starting with the oldest.

Joseph Joshua
Age: 7
DOB: 6/10/04
Favorite Color: green
Favorite Food:  Grammy's spaghetti and tacos
Favorite activity:  building just about anything - legos, transformers, puzzles, blocks, etc
Favorite sport:  swimming and baseball
Interests:  Marvel superheros, Penn State, Phillies, wild animals (from national geographics)
How he chose his new name:  True story - He went into his room so he could think about it.  He wanted ideas so he took in his Bible and a picture album of our family.  Approximately 15 minutes later he came out and told us he wanted to be Joseph Joshua.  He thought Joseph (the son of Jacob) and Joshua (from the battle of Jericho) were "pretty cool guys" from the Bible.  So that's how he became our Joseph Joshua.  Though we had some other ideas of our own we certainly couldn't argue with that rationale.  Thus, Joseph Joshua he is.

Joseph, Joseph, Joseph.  Even as I type his name I must shake my head.  My son is such a wonder.  There truly is something about a mother and her son.  As quickly as I want to wring his little neck is as quickly as I want to squeeze him up tightly.  Joseph is all boy.  He loves to get dirty, he loves to invent "creations" with sticks, stones and mud, and he loves to build spaceships, forts, and boats.  He hates taking showers but will sit in the tub for an hour as long as he has his shaving kit and match box cars.  He hates cleaning his room but will gladly weed the whole one acre yard for a dollar.  He adores Jordan and looks to him for approval.  He loves me and comes to me for comfort.  He can't stand his sisters at times but will always look out for them and look after them.

Joseph can read like a champ.  Currently, he is in his own reading program at school where he is at a fifth grade reading level (he is in first grade).  This is truly a gift of his as he is average in every other subject.  Joseph will read nearly anything he can get his hands on but he especially loves books about predators and prey, nature, inventions, and the Bible.  At only seven years old Joseph will pick up his Bible, read a chapter or two, and then come to us with thoughtful questions, many of which we struggle to answer.  He's memorized many verses (some, because he had to write them out as punishment!) and already has learned so many stories.  Joseph is curious about EVERYTHING.  This child has not one question but rather one hundred questions about everything.  Because of this I'm sure that his gift of reading was chosen especially for him.  This boy is never satisfied with the information we can give him - thank heaven for books!

Joseph clearly struggles from the trauma of his past.  As a parent I must always remain one step ahead of Joseph.  I've come to really learn what will set him off, what will trouble him, or what will excite him.  I've learned to anticipate this and prepare for it.  I have to plan my reactions so I don't overreact or underreact.  Joseph yearns for consistent comfort.  He loves knowing that expections, rules, and routines, aren't going to change.  Sameness is his comfort.  Thus, sameness he will receive.  It is tough to always prepare for what may come next but it surely has been worth it.  He has made so much progress in the past nine months. 

Joseph is a sweet child.  Though he must work through some issues, he often tries to please us.  He always helps out around the house when asked, he loves to do "big kid chores" like vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning bathrooms, etc.  He's the child who will randomly come to us, hug us, and tell us he loves us.  Any my Joseph is handsome, boy is he handsome.  I know I'm rather biased, but really, look at the kid.
 
Joseph is adventurous.  He loves to try activities, regardless of what the pain or fear level may be.  He loves to ride scary rides, try stunts on his bike, and attempt flips and turns in karate.  Until May he had never been in a pool in his entire life...infact, he didn't even know how to wear a bathing suit (he had so much trouble understanding you didn't wear underwear!)  By August he was diving off of the high dive at the pool and riding waves in the ocean.  We have such great hopes for this guy.  His brains and will power will undoubtedly take him as far as he chooses to go.  Watch out, world, Joseph Joshua is out for an adventure.