We were fortunate to be able to worship with our church in State College that weekend to hear Pastor Dan speak, to hear the worship team rock out, and to reconnect with our church family. We just love his delivery style and were thrilled to have to opportunity to listen to the Word. Pastor Dan has a gentle humbleness about him but often times it is that gentleness that smacks me over the head like a 2x4. I can tell you see where this is going - I was smacked over the head by a 2x4. Not really, but the message really spoke to me at a time when I clearly needed it most. Isn't funny how God orchestrates these things?!?
Ever since the legal issues have become messy and unstable I have harbored unhealthy amounts of anger within me. I'm angry at a host of different people who are part of this process in different degrees but I'm most angry at the children's biological parents and step-parent. I simply cannot understand how anyone could mistreat their own children. I've spent so much time and energy being angry at these three people (and the people who are fighting on their side) that it has exhausted me. I simply cannot understand who could give these
Oh, wait....SMACK! There is somebody that does. Bummer.
Darn you, God, for pointing my own finger back at me yet again. You see, I like to use the good 'ole "Sin Scale" when I compare people...especially when I compare them to myself. This is very dangerous and is a sin in itself. ("Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged..." Matthew 7: 1-2). But really, their mistreatment of their own children and their own selves certainly can't be as bad as what I've done wrong. I've never broken the law, I've never harmed another being. See, I can surely use my own Sin Scale and tell that I'm better than they are. Friends, I'm telling you this now: You will get yourselves into big time trouble if you think this way. Sin is sin is sin is sin. The people who I absolutely abhor are no worse than I am...I am no better than the people I abhor. ("Everything we do wrong is sin..." 1 John 5: 17). This is a lot to swallow. Our legal system doesn't help this way of thinking because they have been punished quite severely for their sins while I sit comfortably in my nice house with my nice clothes and a clean (earthly) record. It's WAY TOO EASY to fall into this way of thinking. Trust me, I'm in the midst of it now.
What our sermon was grossly about was that God loves each and every one of us exactly the same - despite are fears, failures, and yes, even successes. Our God is mighty to save...everyone...including my children's biological parents. He loves them just as much as He loves me. He desires to move in their lives and He desires to see them be healed and saved from that which cripples them. He has a great and mighty plan to save the world...a world that includes them. This is not easy for me. I don't want to be okay with it. I want them to run out of chances in Heaven just like they nearly have here on Earth. And that is very, very wrong of me. I should rejoice in the fact that these three people still have hope, lots of hope of being saved by their loving Father, by my loving father. Why can't I rejoice in this? Why can't I hope for them like I have for others like them? It's simple - it's because their actions now directly affect me and my children. And this, friends, is also very, very wrong. I am called to love everyone. Darn you, Jesus. You have this on nearly every single page in the new testament. Blast.
- "Bless those who persecute you [and my children]; bless and do not curse." Romans 12: 14
- "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you [and your children]." Matthew 5:44
- "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do not let your heart rejoice." Proverbs 24: 17
-- This isn't the new testatment but I surely think it applies
- "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink." Romans 12: 20
- "But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you [and your children]." Luke 6: 27
I know my God is big enough to turn around my way of thinking. He's done it before and He can surely do it again. He is committed to helping me through this. I just need to do my part.
I know my God is big enough to save these three people. I just need to do my part and stop being angry with them and start praying for them. You could, too, if you feel so inclined.
I don't remember where I heard about you. And you don't know me. However, I am a member at Calvary (recently starting going back after a hiatus with a local church - we live in Bllfnte). I am a foster/adoptive mother of two, domestic adoptive mother of another. I've been where you're at (though not quite with as many at one time). I at least get the frustrations that you are going through with regards to the birth parents. The thing that surprised me the most in our situation was the mixed feelings that came when our son's parental rights were terminated. I thought it would be a great day of joy. But I left the courtroom feeling very, very sad. How could I find joy in the fact that a mother had just lost her son? How could I feel glad that my son had just lost his mother? Ultimately, I am glad that day happened. But this whole process puts you on an emotional roller coaster that you can never fully prepare for beforehand. Keep hanging on. And keep posting. Your posts are helping me, too.
ReplyDeleteGod has made you into a wonderful mother. With this most recent post, I feel that you are talking to many of us. You have the special gift of strength, and his words will continue to keep you strong. I am so proud of you, Sarah. You are not that little niece anymore, you are a brilliant woman. Aunt Lubi
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