So we're back from one of the largest matching events in PA. It was quite an experience...a good experience (I'm still recovering from a night of sensory overload). Here's how we made out:
To start, there were over 50 agencies and counties in PA represented. Each agency/county had a table that showcased the available children and families. With the help of Jess (our caseworker) we walked up and down the snake-like aisles of tables searching for sibling groups. When we came across a group, we spoke with the caseworker at the table and gathered as much information about each group and each child within the group as we could. Very luckily for us, most of the groups we inquired about had their specific caseworker present at the event. Only a few groups had a someone repesent the agency/county who wasn't working with that specific group (obviously, every single worker for each agency couldn't be present - there would be way too many people!).
For neary 2.5 hours we listened, took notes, asked questions, and answered questions. I think my favorite part about the night was being able to actually connect with caseworkers and meet them face to face. What I dislike most about this whole adoption process is the fact that Jordan and I are only "paper file." That's just the nature of the beast. Without these events we would never be able to speak directly to and meet caseworkers without an actual interview - which is a huge step so it doesn't happen often. I loved that fact that these caseworkers could put our faces and personalities with the papers they had read or will be reading. I'd like to think that Jordan and I are much more dynamic in "real life" than we are in "paper life." It was also so nice to see them and hear them speak about these kids. You could just tell the passion that the workers had for these kids and their future.
By the end of the night we had talked about 14 different sets of kids and walked away with 11 possibilities. Some of these possibilities are stronger than others but nonetheless they are a potential match. Every single one of these kids is such a love. I'd take them all if we could. What's killing me, in a good way though, is that we got to see pictures of all these kids. I wish I could show you how precious they are. When they are ours I can...just not now. In the meantime all their little faces are dancing about my head and I'm dreaming each minute away thinking, wishing, hoping, and praying that one of these sets could be ours.
So, about these kids on "the list." We're not at the point where we can just throw out information about these kids so the best I can do is give you some ranges:
- Of the 11 possible groups there are 28 children in all
- The youngest on the list is 12 months and the oldest is 13 (we hit every age in between except 12)
- They are all either boys or girls (hahaha, just had to)
- There are many races/ethnicities...red, brown, yellow, black, and white, they are precious in His sight...
- They are all from PA
- They all need a mom and a dad
I know it's not terribly exciting - like we have an exact match. But Jordan and I are very pleased with the outcome. We nearly tripled our list, we got to make some great contacts, we have a ton of information...all we're waiting on are our kids!
By the way: We both truly appreciate all of the kind words, prayers, and support. Really, we do. It helps to know that so many people are behind us in this process - loving us and loving our kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We also want to thank Jess for all of her dedication to us. She did a lot of prep work for this event. Also during the event, bless her heart, she followed us around making sure all the right questions were asked and answered, took awesome notes like champ, made sure we stayed hydrated, hunted down missing caseworkers, etc. What a gem! Jess, you rock!
Here's to some good news soon! (We're currently accepting all wines from Seven Mountains to raise a glass and toast to this news-to-come!)
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Who Would Have Thought
It's no secret - I am discouraged. Jordan and I both thought that we certainly would have been farther along in the adoption process than where we are now. It's a humbling experience too. Here we thought we were the great All-American family who caseworkers would jump at to send kids to us. This has not been the case. This emotional roller coaster has taken a toll on us. We constantly check our emails for any updates or any news and we jump at the sound our phone hoping and praying it's a call about our kids. We get good news that another group as made it on "the list" or that a caseworker wants more information about us but then we get the bad news that we're not a good fit. We have times where for a few days in a row we receive information and then we have times where a week or two goes by without any movement at all. Our minds, bodies, and hearts are tired - we've been waiting for a family for a long time.
But
As we talk and reflect back we are thankful for this season of waiting. There - it's out. I might not say it again, though, at least not aloud. Waiting is not fun, not fun at all. Waiting is especially not fun when you are waiting for something you want so very badly.
We can both say, however, that without a shadow of a doubt that this time of waiting has been good for us. Never before have we had to rely on each other so much, be patient with each other's emotions (for a man and a woman these look and are manifested VERY differently), be patient with other's questions/concerns, and be patient with ourselves. Many times we have handled this maturely and in a manner of which we're proud of but there are times when we've handled it in a way that was less than appropriate.
I've also have learned so much about the person of God. Through this all I have been able to truly see some different sides of His personality. There are times when I could laugh with Him (as I imagine Him "muting" my prayer line saying "Oh dear, it's Sarah Ames again.") and times when I could cry with Him (as I imagine my children laying in bed wishing for parents of their own or feeling anything other than the joy and happiness we hope to show them) and times when I was angry with Him (when I don't understand why it's so hard to match kids with no parents to parents with no kids). I have come to know Him as the Great Promise Keeper, the Healer of the Broken Hearted, The Great Defender, My Provider, My Comforter, but best of all as My Friend.
God knew what He was doing when He made us wait. I STILL DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER SECOND...but He knew what He was doing. This time has surely been used wisely.
"We're going to be rookie parents but we sure aren't getting rookie kids."
I typed that to a friend just a few days ago but I hadn't really realized it until I typed it. Secretly, I'm glad we had this time to better prepare, learn some more lessons, grow closer together as a couple, and tuck away more advice. But really, I just want my kids.
Finally, here is an update...long awaited I think...for you and for us.
Wedesday night we are going to a large matching event in Harrisburg. Caseworkers from all over will be there showcasing many children. We have 4 specific groups on our list about whom we are going to gather more information and to introduce ourselves personally to a representative from each of their agencies. It is also our hope that we will learn about more groups that are available for adoption that we can add to our list as a potential match.
Pray for this event: for us, for our caseworker, for all other caseworkers, and mostly for all the kids that will be represented there (no children will actually be present).
We also have had some questions about our fertility lately. At this time we are not pursuing any of the suggested fertility treatments. We don't feel it is wise right now. We want all of our resources and all of our energies to be focused on this adoption and on our children. We want them to feel like they are our sun, moon, and stars. They deserve to be the stars of our show for quite some time. Plus, who knows how many kids we'll end up with when this is all said and done. We certainly aren't closing the door to fertility permanently - it may be an option down the road. For now, though, it's off the table.
You can bet that we'll continue to post as updates are known and thoughts run through our heads. Until then on Wednesday night between 6:30pm - 8:30pm you can say a prayer for us, drink a glass of wine for us, or start an "Ames Parade" outside the Holiday Inn East in Harrisburg promoting us to the caseworkers!
Just Kidding :) Mom - don't even think about it...
Pray for this event: for us, for our caseworker, for all other caseworkers, and mostly for all the kids that will be represented there (no children will actually be present).
We also have had some questions about our fertility lately. At this time we are not pursuing any of the suggested fertility treatments. We don't feel it is wise right now. We want all of our resources and all of our energies to be focused on this adoption and on our children. We want them to feel like they are our sun, moon, and stars. They deserve to be the stars of our show for quite some time. Plus, who knows how many kids we'll end up with when this is all said and done. We certainly aren't closing the door to fertility permanently - it may be an option down the road. For now, though, it's off the table.
You can bet that we'll continue to post as updates are known and thoughts run through our heads. Until then on Wednesday night between 6:30pm - 8:30pm you can say a prayer for us, drink a glass of wine for us, or start an "Ames Parade" outside the Holiday Inn East in Harrisburg promoting us to the caseworkers!
Just Kidding :) Mom - don't even think about it...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I See The World On Their Shoulders...
As I have reflected back on my previous blog I was hit rather hard with some convictions. I do try my best to remain thankful for all the blessings that I have. I have even tried to name them each day so that they are fresh, real reminders of all that I have. But the thing that hit me the hardest was even though I say and pray how thankful I am for my many blessings do I always act like I am thankful?
The mantra "Actions speak louder than words" has been floating about my mind. I've felt that it is high time that I do more than say thanks and start acting thankful.
Oh trust me, I have rationalized all sorts of "ways out" in my mind such as
- I work with the sick and dying for my job, I do my part for those in need.
-- but I get paid for this
- I help rehabilitate people too, so they can live to their fullest potential.
-- but I get paid for this too, AND the people
always thank me (personal gain)
- I give money to church every week
-- but it's so easy to just write a check without
any other committment
- I give to lots of other charity as well
-- but without any time or personal investment - it's easy
to give when you don't have to see what the people are
actually going through or feeling
- I sign up to help and volunteer within the community and church
-- but in all honesty, some of this is so that I am seen
as a "good person"
- I am adopting kids who are in desparate need of parents
-- but part of this comes from my own desire to be a mother
Please hear what I am NOT saying: all of the things listed above are good things...they are things that will help people and things that I am called to do. My point (directed only at myself...my finger is pointed at me) is that in each of the above things, there is always a degree of personal satisfaction or personal gain involved without much sacrifice. That is where I have trouble. On paper, it looks as though Jordan and I do a lot of giving and helping BUT when we sit down to chat about it we can't help but think we could be doing more. We live rather comfortable lives compared to a lot of folks. It's so easy to justify that we deserve this because we both have worked very hard to live this way. Then I think of all the people who don't deserve to live they way they live...the people who don't have clean water, the people who don't have books to read, the people who are hungry every single day, the people who have holes in their shoes or perhaps no shoes at all, the people who can't receive adequate medical care, etc. We could just give a little more, do a little more, and help a little more in order to make a potentially big difference in the life of someone.
We know we can't change the lives of everyone, but if we can help just one more person than we have been, that's a step in the right direction - right?
Here is another song that has really dug its way into my brain and my being. I like it even better than the last song. You've got to hear it...my sister, Kayla, introduced it to me over a year ago and it has hit me hard every time I hear it. I'm serious - click this link for You Tube and listen to it now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6X_ZBpqQs&feature=related
What did you think? Maybe it didn't do anything for you; that's okay. For me, though, it gets me all fired up. It makes me want to do more, to be a better person. The line that always gets me is:
"I see the world on their shoulders and my easy load."
I do have it easy - most of us have it easy compared to so many other people. Could we be doing more to help those people? Sure, we can. Will we?
Will anyone out there in "blog world" join me in doing something more than you are doing right now. It doesn't have to a big time-consuming, expensive endeavor to make a difference. It can be something small. But it still will be something more, something else to help someone else somewhere else.
Let me be so bold as to offer a few suggestions:
- Each time you go to the grocery store, buy some canned or boxed goods and take them to the local food pantry on the way home (I'm embarrassed to say that I did do this, but then had google where the local food pantry is...I was ashamed at myself)
- Once a week/month buy something for your local homeless shelter: sheets, a blanket, toiletries, etc.
- Offer a few hours of volunteer time each month at a church, a nursing home, a food pantry, etc.
- Each time you check out the the grocery store, purchase the $3 star that donates to local charities
- Consider "adopting" a third world child through an organization of your choice. Ones we like are:
- Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com/
- Umuryango Children's Network: http://www.umuryango.org/
Sure, $20/month or $50/month sounds like a lot, but in all reality it isn't. For Jordan and I it's only giving up about 5 cups of Starbucks Coffee, 1 dinner out at Texas Roadhouse, 3 bottles of Seven Mountains Wine, 2 tickets to the movies, 4 On Demand movie rentals...get the picture. In my mind lately I've been having trouble rationalizing "my right" to all of these things as opposed to helping someone else in a big way.
This post wasn't meant to put a guilt trip on anyone - it was to share my own guilt trip with you. I am hoping that some of you may choose to use this as a kick in the pants to make a difference. I know many of you already are (shout out to Shelly Sandom, check out her blog: http://pages.teamintraining.org/cpa/ambbr11/msandom). Again, hear what I am NOT saying: I'm not suggesting that anyone give away all that they have and live in poverty to help others. I'm only suggesting that maybe we can each do a little more than we already are so that others can be helped in a big way.
P.S.
No big updates on the kid-front: we do have more kids on our list now...three more groups to be exact. We continue to pray for more information, quick movement, and clear direction and guidance for all involved.
The mantra "Actions speak louder than words" has been floating about my mind. I've felt that it is high time that I do more than say thanks and start acting thankful.
Oh trust me, I have rationalized all sorts of "ways out" in my mind such as
- I work with the sick and dying for my job, I do my part for those in need.
-- but I get paid for this
- I help rehabilitate people too, so they can live to their fullest potential.
-- but I get paid for this too, AND the people
always thank me (personal gain)
- I give money to church every week
-- but it's so easy to just write a check without
any other committment
- I give to lots of other charity as well
-- but without any time or personal investment - it's easy
to give when you don't have to see what the people are
actually going through or feeling
- I sign up to help and volunteer within the community and church
-- but in all honesty, some of this is so that I am seen
as a "good person"
- I am adopting kids who are in desparate need of parents
-- but part of this comes from my own desire to be a mother
Please hear what I am NOT saying: all of the things listed above are good things...they are things that will help people and things that I am called to do. My point (directed only at myself...my finger is pointed at me) is that in each of the above things, there is always a degree of personal satisfaction or personal gain involved without much sacrifice. That is where I have trouble. On paper, it looks as though Jordan and I do a lot of giving and helping BUT when we sit down to chat about it we can't help but think we could be doing more. We live rather comfortable lives compared to a lot of folks. It's so easy to justify that we deserve this because we both have worked very hard to live this way. Then I think of all the people who don't deserve to live they way they live...the people who don't have clean water, the people who don't have books to read, the people who are hungry every single day, the people who have holes in their shoes or perhaps no shoes at all, the people who can't receive adequate medical care, etc. We could just give a little more, do a little more, and help a little more in order to make a potentially big difference in the life of someone.
We know we can't change the lives of everyone, but if we can help just one more person than we have been, that's a step in the right direction - right?
Here is another song that has really dug its way into my brain and my being. I like it even better than the last song. You've got to hear it...my sister, Kayla, introduced it to me over a year ago and it has hit me hard every time I hear it. I'm serious - click this link for You Tube and listen to it now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6X_ZBpqQs&feature=related
What did you think? Maybe it didn't do anything for you; that's okay. For me, though, it gets me all fired up. It makes me want to do more, to be a better person. The line that always gets me is:
"I see the world on their shoulders and my easy load."
I do have it easy - most of us have it easy compared to so many other people. Could we be doing more to help those people? Sure, we can. Will we?
Will anyone out there in "blog world" join me in doing something more than you are doing right now. It doesn't have to a big time-consuming, expensive endeavor to make a difference. It can be something small. But it still will be something more, something else to help someone else somewhere else.
Let me be so bold as to offer a few suggestions:
- Each time you go to the grocery store, buy some canned or boxed goods and take them to the local food pantry on the way home (I'm embarrassed to say that I did do this, but then had google where the local food pantry is...I was ashamed at myself)
- Once a week/month buy something for your local homeless shelter: sheets, a blanket, toiletries, etc.
- Offer a few hours of volunteer time each month at a church, a nursing home, a food pantry, etc.
- Each time you check out the the grocery store, purchase the $3 star that donates to local charities
- Consider "adopting" a third world child through an organization of your choice. Ones we like are:
- Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com/
- Umuryango Children's Network: http://www.umuryango.org/
Sure, $20/month or $50/month sounds like a lot, but in all reality it isn't. For Jordan and I it's only giving up about 5 cups of Starbucks Coffee, 1 dinner out at Texas Roadhouse, 3 bottles of Seven Mountains Wine, 2 tickets to the movies, 4 On Demand movie rentals...get the picture. In my mind lately I've been having trouble rationalizing "my right" to all of these things as opposed to helping someone else in a big way.
This post wasn't meant to put a guilt trip on anyone - it was to share my own guilt trip with you. I am hoping that some of you may choose to use this as a kick in the pants to make a difference. I know many of you already are (shout out to Shelly Sandom, check out her blog: http://pages.teamintraining.org/cpa/ambbr11/msandom). Again, hear what I am NOT saying: I'm not suggesting that anyone give away all that they have and live in poverty to help others. I'm only suggesting that maybe we can each do a little more than we already are so that others can be helped in a big way.
P.S.
No big updates on the kid-front: we do have more kids on our list now...three more groups to be exact. We continue to pray for more information, quick movement, and clear direction and guidance for all involved.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Blessed Be Your Name
This will be quick - more pictures than words. I haven't posted many of our "fun life" pictures in a while. It does a body good to sit back and reflect on the many things for which we are thankful. For me, I have to often remind myself to thank God for all I have instead of begging and nagging for that which I don't. One of the songs that K-Love faithfully plays (thank you, K-Love) is Blessed Be Your Name. Here are just a few lines of the song that help remind me to be thankful for all things at all times:
See, we really do have so much to be thankful for...but we are ready to be thankful for some little bodies around here!
"Every blessing your pour out I'll turn back to praise,
When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say,
Blessed be your name."
Here is a link for the music video. It really is a good song with a catchy little tune that always reminds me to be thankful...even if I don't feel like it.
So, before I totally break my promise of "little words and lots of pictures" here they are:
 |
| Thanksgiving at Mom and Dad's with our friends, The Cramers |
 |
| Sharing some tasty wine with the Ashley and Dave Thanksgiving night |
 |
| Freezing my behind off at the PSU vs. Michigan State game with my sister |
 |
| Our good buddy, Eric, at our LifeGroup's White Elephant Gift Party...he made out like a bandit! |
 |
| Our nephew, Tyler. We bought the poor kid a shirt for Christmas that he obviously already had - haha! |
 |
| Christmas Eve with the Snyder's at Mom and Dad's |
 |
| Christmas morning at Mom and Dad's...we must have been good kids! |
 |
| New Year's Eve at the Kingship's house |
 |
| Jordan and JT getting ready for some Charades on New Year's Eve |
 |
| Jordan on his last, first day of school!! (the first day of his last semester) |
Thursday, January 6, 2011
House Without Walls
Well, we've had some movement this week. I'd say, overall, it's lateral...but at least it's still movement. Quite a few groups have been taken off our list and only one more has been added. We do know that a caseworker of a specific set has actually read our profile and has contacted Jess, our caseworker, with some questions he had about us. At least he is interested...right?
Jordan and I don't seem to understand the hold-up:
*We are an approved adoptive resource for children
*We are open to nearly all groups of children
*Our records are impeccably clean (as is our home)
*We have an incredibly strong support system
*There are thousands of kids who need a home
(Caution: I'm stepping on my soap box)
Now, don't get me wrong here. We are fully aware that all of the red-tape, policies, and procedures are to protect the children from any further harm. We also wholeheartedly believe and trust in God's sovereignty to provide us with the right match at the right time. However , that is not going to keep us from being as proactive as we can during this process. We need to continue to be advocates both for all the children out there who need parents and for ourselves who continue to desire children.
It has been suggested to us that one of the set-backs could possibly be the fact that we are a military family. Obviously, this means we are going to be rather mobile throughout the next decade or two. But folks, this is not a bad thing. Before I married Jordan I was actually a little nervous about being a "military family." My roots have always been in the Harrisburg area. In fact, both my mom's family and my dad's family are all in the Harrisburg area. I was nervous to leave. However, now that I have been part of the military community for quite sometime I couldn't imagine it any other way. The different Marine (and Navy) families we have been stationed with all share such a strong sense of community and family. It has been such a blast to experience life with these folks. We share dinners together, share birthdays and births together, help each other move-in and move-out, we watch each other's kids, etc. One of the neatest parts is that this can happen in so many wonderful places.
Take that and add on this:
We have been so fortunate to have loving, welcoming church families wherever we have been. We still keep regular contact with New River Community Church of God (Camp Lejeune) and anxiously await the day we can be stationed there again so we can "do life" with these wonderful people. Jordan was part of another great church in Maryland when he was stationed at Camp David. In fact, one of the guys he met there was in our wedding. Calvary Baptist in State College has been equally as wonderful. We've established another great support system of friends in our Life Group whom we are already sad to have to leave in May.
Now, take all of that and add on this:
Both my family and Jordan's family are established in Harrisburg, as are both of our home churches. This makes it so wonderful to come home and visit on holidays and vacations. When we come to Harrisburg we have both of our families, nearly all of Sarah's extended family, all of our home and childhood friends, and both of our home churches.
My (obviously biased) point to this is that being part of a military family is great. It is so great because no matter where we are in the world we have a strong, loving, encouraging, support system that quickly grow to become like family. And then when we return home for a visit, we still have it but in tenfold.
Our kids are going to be loved by us unconditionally and by the community and family we build at whichever duty station we are. Their eyes are going to be opened to all sorts of new experiences and wonderful people. They may not establish roots in one town and one house but they most assuredly will establish roots as part of our family.
I'm encouraging anyone out there who may read this (hopefully someone who knows kids who need a home) to look at military life as a wonderful opportunity to experience the goodness of people everywhere. Sure, your house may never look the same and you may lose track of all the places you've been but you'll never lose track of all the fun you've had and the love you've been given. So you see, a house isn't a home because it has the same four walls for its entire existance...a house is a home because of the love that is in it.
(Okay, I'm stepping down now)
An unrelated side thought: My devotional yesterday morning said this: "If you wonder why God isn't anxious when you are, it's because He has everything under control." *Perhaps that was directed towards me...
Jordan and I don't seem to understand the hold-up:
*We are an approved adoptive resource for children
*We are open to nearly all groups of children
*Our records are impeccably clean (as is our home)
*We have an incredibly strong support system
*There are thousands of kids who need a home
(Caution: I'm stepping on my soap box)
Now, don't get me wrong here. We are fully aware that all of the red-tape, policies, and procedures are to protect the children from any further harm. We also wholeheartedly believe and trust in God's sovereignty to provide us with the right match at the right time. However , that is not going to keep us from being as proactive as we can during this process. We need to continue to be advocates both for all the children out there who need parents and for ourselves who continue to desire children.
It has been suggested to us that one of the set-backs could possibly be the fact that we are a military family. Obviously, this means we are going to be rather mobile throughout the next decade or two. But folks, this is not a bad thing. Before I married Jordan I was actually a little nervous about being a "military family." My roots have always been in the Harrisburg area. In fact, both my mom's family and my dad's family are all in the Harrisburg area. I was nervous to leave. However, now that I have been part of the military community for quite sometime I couldn't imagine it any other way. The different Marine (and Navy) families we have been stationed with all share such a strong sense of community and family. It has been such a blast to experience life with these folks. We share dinners together, share birthdays and births together, help each other move-in and move-out, we watch each other's kids, etc. One of the neatest parts is that this can happen in so many wonderful places.
Take that and add on this:
We have been so fortunate to have loving, welcoming church families wherever we have been. We still keep regular contact with New River Community Church of God (Camp Lejeune) and anxiously await the day we can be stationed there again so we can "do life" with these wonderful people. Jordan was part of another great church in Maryland when he was stationed at Camp David. In fact, one of the guys he met there was in our wedding. Calvary Baptist in State College has been equally as wonderful. We've established another great support system of friends in our Life Group whom we are already sad to have to leave in May.
Now, take all of that and add on this:
Both my family and Jordan's family are established in Harrisburg, as are both of our home churches. This makes it so wonderful to come home and visit on holidays and vacations. When we come to Harrisburg we have both of our families, nearly all of Sarah's extended family, all of our home and childhood friends, and both of our home churches.
My (obviously biased) point to this is that being part of a military family is great. It is so great because no matter where we are in the world we have a strong, loving, encouraging, support system that quickly grow to become like family. And then when we return home for a visit, we still have it but in tenfold.
Our kids are going to be loved by us unconditionally and by the community and family we build at whichever duty station we are. Their eyes are going to be opened to all sorts of new experiences and wonderful people. They may not establish roots in one town and one house but they most assuredly will establish roots as part of our family.
I'm encouraging anyone out there who may read this (hopefully someone who knows kids who need a home) to look at military life as a wonderful opportunity to experience the goodness of people everywhere. Sure, your house may never look the same and you may lose track of all the places you've been but you'll never lose track of all the fun you've had and the love you've been given. So you see, a house isn't a home because it has the same four walls for its entire existance...a house is a home because of the love that is in it.
(Okay, I'm stepping down now)
An unrelated side thought: My devotional yesterday morning said this: "If you wonder why God isn't anxious when you are, it's because He has everything under control." *Perhaps that was directed towards me...
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