T-Shirts and Thank You's

Wow.  I have wanted to write this post for about a day about I couldn't quite find appropriate words.  I am so humbled.  I'm humbled to the point of tears.  I am so grateful.  I'm grateful to the point of being speechless.

Ever since our plea for help you guys have been pouring out of the woodwork with donations, fundraisers, ideas, and support.  Again, folks I don't even know are stepping up to the plate to fight for the cause of the orphan...of my boys.  I keep thinking to myself "I don't deserve this, I really don't deserve this."  God brought it to my attention that I'm right.  I don't deserve this.  But my boys do.  I don't deserve any of the good and perfect gifts He bestows upon me...but I am His child and He longs to bless us.

Our Father has such a huge heart for orphans and He has made that clear in scripture over and over again.  You guys "out there" are doing His will by helping these orphans.  You are being the hands and feet of Jesus.  You are all busy with your own families, own jobs, own problems, and own joys yet you are reaching out to help two young boys half way across the world.  I'm am in tears again as I write this.  I love the LOVE that adoption inspires in everyone.  I'm sure it was intended that way.  After all, God has a heart for adoption and we're made in His image...so, I can see where that logic makes sense.

We're kicking off another fundraiser: T-Shirts!  I designed the T-shirts myself so they would be especially near and dear to my heart.  There are approximately 147 million orphans in the world.  Gosh.  Then, the "minus 2" represents our two boys.  The two handprints (meant to represent our two boys again) in Africa are placed where the country of Ethiopia is.  The verse at the bottom is a promise to us from God.
If you would like to order a t-shirt you can contact me via email (amessj23@hotmail.com), Facebook, or any other method.  If you are willing to sell t-shirts, too, that would be wonderful.  I can email you or snail-mail you the order form.  Every little bit helps :)  I've included the designs below.







Men's T-Shirt Design

Stone Blue Shirt w/ Black Lettering

Sizes: S, M, L, XL, 2XL

 

Women's T-Shirt Design

Black Shirt w/ Hot Pink Lettering

*Fitted Cut Design*

Sizes: S, M, L, XL

 

Youth T-Shirt Design

Red Shirt w/ Black Lettering

Sizes: S, M, L

 

All shirts are $15 or 2 or $25

(other sizes may be available, talk to me about your needs)

 

 

Let's bring these sweet boys home!

Two More to the Crew

You know, I didn't quite know what to expect of myself when the time came for us to "meet" (via pictures) our boys.  The journey has been SO different this time around than it was last time.  While we anticipated the matching of our first children we were so totally engrossed in every detail.  I spent every free moment I had thinking of them, planning for them, and praying for them.  While I've regularly thought, planned, and prayed for these sweet boys it certainly wasn't to the degree or with same strange sense of intense helplessness as it was last time.  I truly can say that my faith and trust has significantly deepened since those months two and a half years ago.  God has shown His mighty provision again and again so much that I feel a calming peace in my soul.  Perhaps I shouldn't.  After all, we already have four children and two dogs, Jordan is getting ready to deploy, and I have nothing ready for these boys except room in the house, a few t-shirts, and their bedding.  But, I like it this way.  I like leaning on the everlasting arms so much better than leaning on my scrawny arms and diligent planning.  However, I digress...

As soon as the email came with the information and pictures of my new sons the exact same feelings came flooding back with a vengeance.  I fell completely head-over-heals, smitten-kitten.  My heart grew...again.  I suspect they are near to the feelings a mother feels when she births her second child.  I love them.  I long to squeeze them.  I want them to know how special they are.  I want them to know they are a precious child of God.

I wish I could share their names and pictures, but at this point I cannot.  I can show them to you in person but they can't be posted on the internet.  I will tell you, though, that they are very handsome.  They are tall and lean.  Joseph already has great plans in mind for the three of them.  I'm not sure if I should be worried about this or not :)

I spoke earlier of God's provision.  Let me share two major events thus far that only caused me to be incredibly humbled and in complete awe of Him:

1.  Our first payment was due to the adoption agency this week.  On the very day we intended to put the check in the mail I received word from Calvary Baptist (our church from State College) that they intended to support us in this adoption.  The amount they told me they would like to donate was the exact same amount as the first payment.  Wow.  God is so good.

2.  Our dear friends, Erin and JT Bell, began this adoption journey with us two and a half years ago.  Once we moved to State College we quickly formed a special friendship that only strengthened and grew once we both chose adoption.  At that time they had absolutely no idea that it would be this long before they would be matched with their children.  At that time we had absolutely no idea God would call us to adoption a second time nor did we know He would call us to international adoption.  That being said let me tell you this:  Of all the orphaned children in the world not only are our children coming from the same country, not only are they in the same large city, but they are in the exact same orphanage together.  Right at this very moment our four sweet boys (two of theirs, two of ours) are snug in their beds sleeping under the very same roof.  We believe it to be no simple coincidence that friends as close as we are have our children placed in the exact same orphanage at the exact same time.  God has made it clear to us that he knit this bond for a purpose.  We are eager to see what awaits our families.

We remain grateful and thankful for each one of you.  We love the way you love us and we love the way you love our children.  As this next adoption is moving much quicker than expected, we will be doing a variety of fundraisers.  If you have any desire to help (sell t-shirts, Zumba-thons, spaghetti dinners...any other ideas you may have) please let us know.  Every little bit of support helps.  We have already started the quickest and easiest fundraiser:  straight donation.  I've included the link below if you feel led to support us in this endeavor.

http://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/USS-Ames-Adding-to-the-Crew/38625

Big News x 2

As I'm sure you all know we (finally) celebrated the adoption of our four children:  Joseph, Crystal, Brea, and Amanda.  Words simply cannot express what we feel.  The best words we can find are joy and relief.  Here are a few shots of that day:

In front of the courthouse

Sweet Brea Scott

Happy parents

Ready to start the hearing

Miss Amanda

Princess Crystal

My handsome stud, Joseph

Forever a Family!

Our loving family and friends who came to support us that day

Now, let me continue (for those of you at the adoption party this will be pretty close to my speech):

Jordan and I are so thankful for all of you out there who have supported us in so many ways.  Each comment, card, package, etc., came at the right time and was truly appreciated.  However, I feel it is also important for me to recognize a few people who have gone above and beyond to show us love and support.

I want to thank Trinity E.C. Church in Rutherford for instilling in me the fundamental truths found in the Bible.  They spent countless hours teaching me and preaching to me and for that I am grateful.  I want to especially thank Pastor Lewis for continuing to love me through my most unloveable years.  He taught me more than he'll probably ever know.

I want to thank the teachers, preachers, and friends at Calvary Baptist in State College for recognizing I possessed those fundamental truths but then challenged me to live them out in a very real way...and held me accountable in the process!

I'd like to thank Jordan for his steadfast and unwaivering support.  While he got tossed headfirst into parenting, he also got tossed headfirst into very rigourous training and jobs with the Marines.  He hardly complained, he loved me and the children, did extremely well at his job and joyfully ate more than his fair share of grilled cheese dinners when the days just got away from us.  He is my champion.
 
I want to thank my parents, my brother and Domenica, and my sister and Chris for relentlessly following us up and down the east coast over the past two years.  They met our needs before we even realized them and offered an over-abundance of grace and mercy while I figured out how to be a mom to four small children...even on the days when they likely wanted to punch me :)

Annie and Nicole, my two best friends, also deserve my thanks.  Though they have family and jobs of their own they made it a priority to love on all six of us.  They especially ministered to me.  They often bought last-minute plane tickets to spend time with me, sent care packages and cards, and accepted early morning and late night phone calls.  They did more than their fair share of loving when I found it difficult to fulfill my end of the bargain.  They showed me true-blue friendship at its finest.

Lastly, I want to thank my children.  They came into this family through no choice of their own.  They came to two parents who had all the theory in the world and none of the practice.  They readily give us grace and forgiveness when we fail and encouragement whether we deserve it or not.  They are living proof of God's goodness, mercy, and provision.  They are the true heroes in this story.

That being said, I cannot let the chance pass without telling you what has been on the hearts of the six of us:  (trust me, you'll want to read this to the end).

We are so very thankful for all of the encouragement from people who hear of our story.  I hear things like: "You are such an inspiration," "You are so amazing for what you've done," I can't believe your heart - what a testimony," and other variations of those comments.  While they truly have lifted us up and encouraged and blessed us in so many ways, I started to believe them.  Then I embraced them.  Then I became complacent.

In a wonderful book called "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan it quotes,

"Maybe you have already made sacrifices.  If so, you have seen that in some ways it gets easier, doesn't it?  You have witnessed the benefits of giving and are blessed because of it.  But it gets harder, too.  The temptation to level off increases with each passing year.  Pride tells you that you've sacrificed more than others.  Fear tells you it's time to worry about the future.  Friends say you've given enough, that it's someone elses's turn now."

 

Thankfully, the book doesn't end there.  As I continued with concurrent readings of "Crazy Love" and "Radical" by David Platt I came to learn that this way of thinking is wrong and downright dangerous.
Upon scouring and studying the New Testament I couldn't find one single verse about doing enough to have done "your part."  I found no verse telling me that I can stop helping and reaching out because I've fulfilled my quota.  Instead, I found verses like:

 

"Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:27

 

"None of you can be my disciple who does not give up all his possessions." - Luke 14:33

 

"If anyone wishes to follow me he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

 - Luke 9:23

With the help of  the New Testament, "Crazy Love" and "Radical" I was able to see the error in my previous thinking that I have "done my part."

You see, I believe Christ is telling us that while we're on this Earth our job is never done.  We are to carry our cross.  Jesus never said carry our cross for a little while and then relax.  He never said once you've fulfilled a certain quota we can kick up our feet.  It's a daily job - until we meet Him face to face.

I like how David Platt put it:

"But then I realize there is never going to come a day when I stand before God and He looks at me and says 'I wish you would have kept more for yourself.'"

 

I'm not pointing any fingers, friends.  I'm not even suggesting that anyone who reads this isn't doing their part.  I'm only sharing with you my journey and my heart.

I think it's high time for my and my family to stop asking "How much can we spare?" and start asking "How much is it going to take?"

We have all been given different abilities and gifts.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

 

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.  Now to each on the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good."

Jordan and I were undoubtedly given a heart for orphans.  "...Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.  They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.  It's easier to pretend they're not real before you hold them in your arms.  But once you do, everything changes." - "Radical."

People have told my children "no."  People have pushed my children to the side.  My children were on the outskirts of society - and it breaks my heart.  While Jordan and I still have breath we aim to use our passions and gifts to fight for the orphans.

Now that I've shared our hearts, please don't think we're crazy when I tell you that all six of us have decided to adopt again.  We have already started the process to bring home two boys from Ethiopia.  We're only in the beginning stages so there is a good amount of paperwork and fundraising to be done...but we've started.  The kids are thrilled, we're excited.  We're not exactly sure how all the logitics will work out - but we know and trust they will.  As Francis Chan put it:

"...God doesn't call us to be comfortable.  He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."

The Journey of My Heart

This (long) post is meant to encourage and uplift anyone who has been down a similar path as the many I've traveled this past 18 months.  Perhaps one of these titles relates to you now, perhaps it did before, or perhaps it will in the future.  Nevertheless, there is something to be learned from each of these:


Foster Mother - I thought the children that were coming into our home were going to be legally ours in a matter of months.  Little did I know the process would take much longer, leaving an ache and a fear in my heart for over a year.  I wasn't able to live in the freedom of making choices for my children without getting permission from people who barely knew them.
Adoptive Mother - Once the parental rights were terminated, the reality that these children will truly  be mine resonated in my mind and soul...in so many different ways.
Adoptive Mother of Older Children - I will admit it; there is a good bit of grief and loss in not having a child to raise since infancy. 
Mother - The day-to-day responsibilities of raising four children all very close in age has its joys and its challenges...often all in the same day!
Mother of special needs children - We were told and so expected that the children coming to us were all healthy and happy.  Shortly after joining our family we learned that Brea has many specials needs that require constant therapy and medical attention and Joseph has mental health and behavioral needs that require intense therapy and supernatural patience.  These realizations made my heart heavy for my children.  Heavy because no one identified these before now and heavy because every mother truly wants her child to be perfectly healthy and happy, having every opportunity available to them.
Mother of multiples - Although my children are not the same age, they were all "born" to me at the same time.  I had four emotional infants to care for at the same time.
Wife of a Marine - The needs of the Corps supercede all.  I fully understand this, respect this, and never complain about this (after all, I married the Marine!).  However, having a husband who is an Infantry Officer often leaves us to manage on our own which tires the heck out of a mom and leaves a wife longing for her husband and best friend.  A Marine wife is expected to keep all aspects of the home running and must know about all aspects of the home as her husband is often gone for long lengths of time.  The weight of this responsibility can be heavy.  That being said, every time I see all the that Marines and other service members do for our country and community I tear up with pride.
Wife - A (stay-at-home) wife is still often responsible for making and maintaining appointments, keeping the house clean and organized, keeping food on the table, and keeping all the mountains of laundry clean.  It can become monotonous at times and down right boring!
Happily working full-time professional turned to stay-at-home mother - Basically overnight I went from a working professional who adored (and still does) her job to a stay-at-home mom...talk about a change in roles.  I had a job where I went to school for six years plus had a 9 month fellowship to learn the necessary theory and practice to complete the job.  There are tried and true methods to diagnosing and treating patients.  Oh wait, something new comes up, no problem, look it up.  You forget the name of a nerve, no problem, get out the books, phone a friend, or ask the doc.  Now I have a job where you don't take "Mother classes."  Every situation is completely different and new.  There are no "Mother manuals" or "Mother hotlines."  You're expected to know what to do, right away, everytime...and have well-behaved, always clean, loving sweet children...right?!?!
Longing for family and friends - Between State College and Harrisburg I had a great circle of friends and family.  Seeing them at church, outside during a walk, or having them pop by the house filled a void that I had once we moved.  Moving twice within one year made making and keeping friends a real trial.  I am so thankful for phones, email, and webcams...and I'm also so thankful for the sacrifices many of you have made to visit regularly, send treats, make dinners, do chores, and offer encouragement in many different ways.  You kept me going.

Let me preface the meat of this post:  I love my children.  I had no idea there was a love this great.  I would cut my living, beating heart out of my very chest if one of my children needed it.  I poured my entire being into them and will continue to do so, but in a very different way now.  My eyes were opened by His mercy and grace.  I came to the realization that my priorities were off balance.  Sorely off balance.

I couldn't understand why I felt so off...so empty.

When I looked around I could see that my children were thriving.  They were growing in leaps and bounds in every aspect of their life.  Yes, they were thriving.  This should be enough, right?  Isn't this what every mother wants?  Yes, yes, it must be.  Keep going, Sarah.  Keep doing what you're doing.  The kids are great.  The house is spotless.  Your husband's lunch is always packed.  The laundry is always folded and put away.  The bills are paid - on time.  You've cooked a dinner for church.  The dog is groomed.  Your rose bushes look fanstastic.  You volunteer at school.  The pantry is full.

But then why, why am I so empty?

Because I was only surviving.  I'm was not thriving.  From day the day children moved into our home and life I can see now that I became robot-like.  I went through the motions, rather well I might add, and I did what needed to be done no matter how tired or how lonely I was.

I focused so much on the various needs of the children: take them to appointments, change their diet, get them on a schedule, keep them clean, go to therapy, sign up for gymnastics, practice karate, read lots of books, practice reading and writing.  It was hard.  So hard.  Looking back I don't know how I did it.  I was virtually a single mother caring for four new, needy children.  They were so wild and out of control when they first came.  There were grand-mal seizure-sized tantrums, behaviors I didn't even know existed, diagnoses I was unfamiliar with, in children I was only getting to know.  All the while I was dealing with the various grief, loss, and unexpected expectations I listed above.  I was on turbo speed making sure that each and every single need of theirs was met.  And met as perfectly as I could meet it.  After all, every good mother puts the needs of her children above herself, doesn't she?

 I was also focused on being the best Marine-wife and wife that I could be:  Don't complain about Jordan's schedule, have a hot meal ready, don't complain about Jordan's schedule, clean the uniform, don't complain about Jordan's scheduled, go to those ridiculous meetings, don't complain about Jordan's schedule, pack the lunch...and still get dressed, do my hair, and put on make-up every single day!  I did my best to make sure the needs of my husband were met.  And met as perfectly as I could meet them.   After all, every officer's wife has to look good and behave well all the time, doesn't she?

I focused so much on being the great stay-at-home mom/wife that I could be.  This was my "new job."  It's important to do your job and do it well:  cut the grass, take out the trash, scrub the baseboards, wash the windows, steam-clean the furniture, wax the floor.  I intended to give my home the same attention I gave my patients when I was at work.  The only problem was I was at work 8-9 hours/day and left work when I left the building.  I never left my home.  Ever...save the weekly trip to the grocery store or to stop by the kids' school.  After all, every stay-at-home mom sacrifices her needs for the needs of her house (not home), doesn't she?

I am ashamed, very ashamed to say that it took a rude awakening to bring me back where I belonged...on my knees.

You see, friends, I was so focused on being the woman the world thought I should be that I forgot who I truly am: 
- I am the daughter of God (not of this world):  "Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God"  - John 1:12
- I am friend of Jesus (I am not alone, not ever):  "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his mater's business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everythingthat i learned from my Father I have made known to you."  - John 15:15
- I am alive (not a robot):  "But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in trangressions - it is by grace you have been saved."  - Ephesians 2:5
- I am good enough (no matter what others think):  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..."  - Romans 8:1
- I am forgiven (when I fail others, fail myself, and fail my God):  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace" - Ephesians 1:7
- I have enough (no matter how full my pantry is):  "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."  - Philippians 4:19
- I am not doing this alone (no matter how many appointments are jammed into a day):  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28
- I have power in Him (regardless of how the world sees me):  "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline." - 2 Timothy 1:7
- I have peace (even amidst the chaos of life): "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  - Philippians 4:7
- I am not navigating this life alone (He is in control):  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
- I am loved (always loved, without fail):  "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

I was reminded that God is to be my focus.  My eyes need to remain on Him and my heart needs to remain in Him. 

I thought I was doing fine.  Like I said, my children, husband, and home were thriving.  We went to church every Sunday, I said my prayers every day, I read my Bible (rather) faithfully, and I did devotions with the kids.  The problem was He didn't have all of me.  My priorities looked like this:
1. kids
2. husband
3. house/others
4. God

Instead of this:
1. God
2. husband
3. kids
4. house/others

I was trying so hard to be the Proverbs 31 woman.  However, I somehow managed to leave out verse 30 "...But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."

Over the past couple months I've made a conscious effort to realign myself in the way God intended it.  Let me tell you, friends, it takes a true conscious effort.  There are so many distractions and excuses in this world.  It's the way of the world...it's the way of the enemy.  Please understand this:  good things can still distract you from Him.  That's the trap I fell into.  Everything I did I could justify.  I could very easily justify it.  I truly believe the enemy was using this to distract me from loving on my God the He wants us to love on Him. 

I lived like this for a year. 

I am so thankful, so very grateful for the mercy he showered (and I mean thunderstorm-type showers) on me.  Our God is full of grace, mercy, and compassion.  He knew what I needed and he provided it...without me asking for it.  I look over the past year and all I can do know is shake my head and praise My God.  I wish I could cut open my chest and you could see my heart.  It is singing again.  It is singing loudly, clearly, and boldly.

You can have this, too.  God is so ready to welcome you with open, loving arms.  He is all you need.  He has all you need.  Whatever you are facing, you don't need to face it in fear or face it alone.  He has joy, He has peace, He has love, He has patience...He has so much...and its all for us.  All we have to do is ask.  Please let me know if you don't know where to start or how to start.  I certainly don't have all the answers, but I know lots of folks who do.  And I know where they are all found.  If you don't have a Bible, message me.  I'll mail one to you.  Honest, I will.

I apologize for such a long post but it has been such a long journey.  Praise Him.

A Proud, Humble Heart

It's an oxymoron, I know.  I have a proud, humble heart.  I am so very proud because my oldest two children, Joseph and Crystal, auditioned for Camp Lejeune's rendition of the Lion King and they both landed parts!  The kids' summer camp program (kindergarten through sixth grade) will put on the musical at the end of the summer.  These two have never been in a play or never have the auditioned for anything yet practiced, auditioned, and made it!  Joseph is the understudy for Mufasa and is also in the chorus.  Crystal is in the singing and dancing ensemble.  She will wear some sort of animal costume.

I have a humble heart, too.  When they told me they wanted to audition I was nervous for them.  I sorely underestimated their ability.  I truly didn't think they'd make it since they have no experience and are two of the youngest kids in the camp program.  When I prayed, I prayed for God to let them have a good experience, not to be hurt or disappointed with the results, and I prayed for wisdom in helping them understand the experience.

Little did I know they would not only try out but they would land parts!  God humbled my heart right-quick.  He helped me see that it wasn't my children's ability I was underestimating but rather it was His.

I'd say it was a good lesson with good results!  I sure am one proud Momma.

I know I have been terribly behind with this blog.  I have great intentions of keeping up with it again...IOC, moving, and summer are got in the way of that :)

What's the POINT of Discipline?

I attended a fantastic seminar provided by our church today entitled:  What's the POINT of Discipline?  I focused on the necessity of discipline when raising children but adding some grace into the mixture.  I left so encouraged.  The speakers broke this topic down into really applicable steps and not into broad ideas, which really helps a Type A person like myself.  I did my best to take notes which I'll share below.  I'd really love to hear your feedback on this as well as any additional tips and suggestions you may have.

What's the POINT of Discipline?

P:  Pray - Pray like your children's lives depend on it, because it does.  This doesn't mean only pray for them, it also means pray for yourself. 

- Make your relationship with God a priority and make this visible to your children.

-  You are called to be a Godly parent, not to raise Godly children.

-  The three most important things you can pray for your children are:

                   1.  Their salvation

                   2.  Their future spouse

                   3.  Their behavior

                             Notes on behavior:

                                 - Ignorance is NOT bliss when parenting, you must always pay attention to behavior, rewarding the good and disciplining the inappropriate.

                                 -  Pray your children get caught when misbehaving – they'll be safer for it!

                                 -  Encourage other family members and adults to help hold your children accountable for the behavior you expect and let your children know this.

O:  One - Be ONE with your spouse.  You and your spouse must ALWAYS be on the same page, supporting each other, in front of the children.

           - It's okay to not always agree on discipline, rules, and expectations but do this in private.  You and your spouse must be a united front or your children will drive a wedge in between you both...and they'll know it.

          - Honor and praise your spouse in front of your children.

          - Verbally and physically love your spouse in front of your children.

          - You want your children to have a healthy relationship to mimic and look up to

I:  Intentional - Be INTENTIONAL with your discipline.  Lazy parents will raise lazy children.

          - Decide your rules, expectations, and boundaries and UPHOLD them

                                       - Kids crave and desire clear expectations

         - Decide consequences ahead of time.  This will keep you from overreacting from anger and frustration or underreacting from weariness and fatigue.

        - Decide which offenses are punishable and which can be teachable moments.

               Note:  A punishable offense should be when a child is purely disobedient by breaking a rule out of sheer choice (this is why it's important to have this decided ahead of time).

                        A teaching moment should be when an accident happens from inappropriate behavior o rminor offenses.  However, a warning should then be given.  The next time it happens a consequence should follow.

             ex:  Punishable offense:  your child hits someone, throws a toy, refuses to follow a direction

                   A teaching moment:  your child is playing too rough and breaks a vase, your child knocks over his cup at the table because he's not sitting still. your child says a mean thing in response to anger

                        - Un-busy your life:  It is hard to be an intentional parent when you don't have the time.

                                    BUSY = Being under Satan's yoke; he wants you to be busy so you don't have time

for your children or for God.

                       -  You MUST be consistent - and you can't be if you're too busy!

                       - You will grow weary of being consistent, especially with the little things that you think may not matter "all that much" but IT DOES MATTER.

                       -  You must always follow through...every single time.  It will be hard and tiresome but God will honor your dedication.  You will see sweet blessings from this in your life. 

                       -  It is most difficult to remain consistent with the simple, mundane tasks.  If you tell your child to tie their shoes and they do not, this is disobedience.

                      -  Only make threats you can and will carry out

                               - This is hard in the heat of the moment, here's an idea:

                                           Make an "If-Then" chart.  This can be for you to refer to when your children are young.  As they get older they can refer to it themselves.  The concept of the chart is this:   If you do (insert behavior) then this (insert consequence).  This will keep you from over or under reacting.  You can make the behaviors broad (disobeying, saying bad words, etc) or very specific (typically child specific to target certain behaviors).

                       *Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child*

N:  Never - NEVER give up.  Your end goal should be for your children to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

            - At the end of each day ask yourself:  What did I do to incorporate God into our lives today?

            -  Encourage yourself with scripture, music, other mothers and fathers

            - You WILL grow weary, find a way to refresh yourself:  bubble bath, reading, hobbies               

            - KNOW and TRUST that your children will thrive because of your consistency

T:  Teachable - ALL discipline should include TEACHABLE obedience

            - Your children must be taught to obey you AND to obey Jesus

            - Give your child grace BEFORE the action.  Do this by knowing their strengths and weaknesses.  Do not set them up for failure.  Rather, set the rules and expectations by their age and ability.  This is the grace.  Anticipate their needs.  They must strive to obey.

           -*We live in a child-centered society.  Children are now expected to act like children. Much of their inappropriate behavior is tolerated because they are children.  This is wrong thinking.  Do NOT be a child-centered home.  This produces children who are self-centered and full of excuses.  Discipline must begin at birth.  Society may scourn you but God will honor this and your children will be better for it.

           - Young children must be taught obedience to parents so they are obedient to other authority as they grow and mature (teachers, employers, and ultimately God).

Other tidbits from the session:

- Use the phrase "That's inappropriate" for anything (behavior, TV shows, music, clothing, etc) that may not necessarily be wrong but either is not God-honoring or doesn't fit into your family values.  This will give your children verbage to use as they get older without sounding condemning to others.

- Widen your circle of influence by meeting adults where your children spend their time (school, sports, etc) so you have other trustworthy adults who can help influence your children and help hold them accountable.

- Books:

    - How to Make Them Mind Without Losing Yours - Kevin Lehman

    - The Birth Order Book - Kevin Lehman

    - Parenting Beyond Your Capacity - (sorry, didn't catch the author)

    - The Treasure Tree

- Try "The Couch of Repentence"  When your children are arguing make them both sit on the couch and hold hands until they can each tell you how their inappropriate actions/language caused the arguement.  They must also tell you how they can avoid it next time.

- Try "The Manners Candle"  Buy a long taper candle and light it at the start of each dinner.  When ANY of the children have bad manners it gets blown out and is NOT relit that dinner.  When the candle melts down to the end the children are then rewarded somehow (special dessert, dinner out, etc).  This makes them work as a team as well.  It's up to them to determine how long the candle stays lit.  The candle is blown out at the end of dinner, as determined by the parent.  You may  have to set a time limit if they're smart enough to eat slowly to prolong the burning!

- Learn your children's love language and USE IT!

- Don't underestimate the power of verbal praise as a reward; don't be too quick to buy presents and treats for good behavior.

-  Don't set reward systems for expected behavior that they've already mastered.  Set reward systems for learning behaviors.

- Incorporate scripture daily

- Respect the importance of family meals

- Listen to your husbands.  They may not know your children the way that you do but God gives them the wisdom to raise a family.  They have an entirely different perspective that may be useful.

- Give grace BEFORE the punishable offense by knowing your children.  Boredom is a precursor to bad behavior.  Help keep them occupied with different toys, crafts, games, etc.  Balance this with making sure they know how to occupy themselves (make sure they have appropriate things to occupy themselves with).

- VERY IMPORTANT:  Show your children that you have the same discipline that you expect from them.  Keep your home clean and in order, have household chores not only finished but finished correctly, always be on time for work/events, make time for your children, make time for your God, make time for your spouse.  Try your best to set the best example you can for your children.

There it is, friends.  Again, these are my notes from the seminar.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback!

Thanks, Mom and Dad!

Since visitations are over and we're soon moving to NC, our season of traveling to and from Harrisburg has come to an end (HOOOORAAAAAAYYY).  We may be up to visit now and then but not often and likely not for a while.  Quite frankly, the kids and I are plumb tired of traveling.  Since they've come to live with us the kids and I have put over 5,000 miles traveling to visits between State College and Allentown and between Virginia and Allentown.  In fact, the only time we've ever been to Harrisburg without going on a visit was for Christmas.  They have been such little champs but we're all weary of leaving our home so often.  However, I want to thank some real champs:  my Mom and Dad.



They have graciously allowed us to invade their home time and time again so that the children didn't have to make the journey all in one day.  They have prepared their home for us by keeping a large stock of toys, arts and crafts, books, and outside toys.  They have suffered through barbies, babies, trucks, and blocks all over the house, under the couches, on the front porch, etc.

They have fed all of us each time.  Both Amanda and Brea have special dietary needs which they willingly accommodated...not to mention it isn't cheap to feed all five of us (six the times Jordan came) on the strict Sarah Ames diet.  Often times I'd wake up and my Dad and Mom would already have the kids breakfast on the table ready and waiting for me to wake them.  My mom would also have all our meals hot and ready when we returned from visits or visiting.

Aside from having four little children run around, Brooke also always came as well.  They played with her and took care of her while we went on our visits, they fed her, and even bathed her a few times too.

They prepared five extra beds, five extra set of towels, and bought all of our toiletries, and then did all of the laundry each time.  My mom even always did our laundry before we left so I wouldn't have to bother with it when we returned home.

They also respected my rules for the children and expected the children to behave in their home as well.  They understood the special needs and requirements for each of them and did their best to follow through to keep the children calm.  Though it was terribly inconvenient for them at times, they didn't complain.

In addition to allowing us to invade their home, they always (very graciously I might add) welcomed the onslaught of other family and friends who wanted to see us or whom I wanted to see.  At any given time there was almost always extra friends and family in the house whom they also entertained and fed.  They allowed us to make our schedule however we wanted and always worked around it for us.

So thanks Mom and Dad (and Kayla, too!) for so willingly and lovingly opening your entire home - top to bottom for my babies.  We love you!