So, let's talk about interview #1.
It was in an office in a government building. The three of us (Jess, Jordan, and I) sat on one side of a conference table while about 8-10 workers that are somehow involved with the kids sat on the other side of the table. Picture a firing squad (perfect set-up for Jordan!). Though it was set-up like that it surely didn't feel like that.
Jordan and I came prepared with SO MUCH information that would be helpful to these folks. This included information about our insurance, services offered to military families, services offered in State College, different support systems we have, etc. Jess also helped us to prepare by "briefing" us the night before with many different types of questions they may ask.
It was so apparent that each of these workers loved these sweet little kids. You could tell by the way they talked about them...so sincere, so thoughtful, and so protective.
They asked such great questions that we felt we were truly able to give them an accurate representation of who we are as a couple, as individuals, and as a potential family. In turn, we were able to ask them so many questions about the kids and find out about the first few years these buggers have already had.
Jordan seems to think we impressed them. He tells me stories about them scribbling notes as I spoke on my soap box, about how they nodded their heads in agreement when we talked about the important family foundations that we would strive to build in our family, and how they raised their eyebrows when we showed them some scrapbooks of our families, friends, and fun times. Me, I never caught any of this. My mind was racing at a million miles a minute. I was too focused on the question at hand and anticipating the question that may come next. I do remember; however, that they did seem impressed when I, being the type-A personailty that I am, whipped out my excel spreadsheet of all the items that we'll need to purchase for each room of the house and the outside (they actually asked me if we thought about what we may need - haha...thankfully I didn't laugh out loud). The three of us left the room feeling great.
Whether or not we get these kids we are extremely pleased with the outcome of the interview. At the very least it was a great opportunity. At the very best we'll end up with our kids. I wish I could tell you more about them. They seem so great, so fun, so lovable and boy are they cute - so cute!
We were told today that they intend to make a decision within a week. This is good news. We really want to know one way or another so we can continue to love on these kids or so we can emotionally detach from the idea of welcoming them into our home. Of course, we'll be sure to let you know.
In the mean time we'll be preparing for interview #2 on Monday. We really hope and pray that one says "yes" and the other says "no." Our biggest fear is having to decide between groups. In fact, we may defer that to the experts (caseworkers) should that happen.
So, friends, keep praying and wishing and hoping that soon we find out we have some kids. We're trying not to get too excited but we're so close it's hard not to be.
Here's to some good news VERY soon!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
You'll Never Believe It
WE HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW!!!
Again, before you start jumping up and down and calling the local news (I was really quite close to doing so this time), let me clarify: this doesn't mean we get the kids. It only means we are a real potential fit for these kids. But it is a step - a pretty big step.
Do you remember in the last post I told you about two caseworkers who were pretty interested in us? You know, the ones who called Jess a few times to get more information and clarify her understanding of current information. Well anyway, it was one of those to workers who called Jess this afternoon to see if Jordan and I could come for an interview on Monday February 28th.
We are overjoyed. Having one interview scheduled was just awesome; it was a true answer to prayer. But now we have two scheduled...two within the course of one week. I'm walking (floating?) around this house like a loon. Just to give you an example of where my mind is not, here is what I did this afternoon:
Our mailbox is at the end of our road, oh, at least 100 yards from our front door. After I get home from work, Brookie and I always walk out to the mailbox together to get the mail. We did that today. I walked 100+ yards to the mailbox with my dog and got the mail. Then, about 45 minutes later in my state of utter joy and with my brain daydreaming about more and more kids I walked 100+ yards out the to the mailbox with my dog AGAIN. When I opened the mailbox and saw it was empty I thought it was odd that I didn't have any mail...until I came back inside and saw it sitting on the kitchen table........
It's going to be a nutty week waiting for these interviews. But I am loving every single second of it.
I know this doesn't mean we get any kids. But boy is it ever a big step closer. After the call about the first interview we decided not to get our hopes up (yeah right) but now that we have a second call all of my self restraint has left me and my emotions are unbridled - this is pretty rare for me.
What can you do to help, friends? Keep encouraging, wishing, and praying for us. We sure would love to have kids soon. We would be absolutely delighted with either of these two sets. Our biggest fear, though, is NOT not getting the kids. Our biggest fear is having to choose one set over the other.
Please pray that if one of these sets is intended for us that it is crystal clear.
We have already fallen madly in love with these kids. I know it's dangerous but now that they are a real potential we just can't help it. We've been staring at their pictures, thinking of things we'll need to get for them, planning our first family outings and vacations, etc. We can't wait to show them off to all of you.
If you want to pray specifically, here is the best I can do as far as information about the kids:
GROUP #1 GROUP #2
4 kids 3 kids
1 boy, 3 girls 2 boys, 1 girl
age range 1.5 - 6 age range 1 - 8
from PA from PA
That's all I can give for now. If one of these groups become ours, our life will sure be changed...we can't wait. We can't wait to meet our match one day and love 'em up and bring 'em home.
So, here's to more good news! What a blessing, what a joy, what a journey, what a gift!
Here's another verse I've been clinging to lately. I think this week I'll cling to it even more tightly:
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
I'll let you know how well that works...might be easier said than done :)
Before I leave, I want to thank you all again for such an outpouring of love and support. We'll never be able to thank you enough or tell you how much it means to us.
Again, before you start jumping up and down and calling the local news (I was really quite close to doing so this time), let me clarify: this doesn't mean we get the kids. It only means we are a real potential fit for these kids. But it is a step - a pretty big step.
Do you remember in the last post I told you about two caseworkers who were pretty interested in us? You know, the ones who called Jess a few times to get more information and clarify her understanding of current information. Well anyway, it was one of those to workers who called Jess this afternoon to see if Jordan and I could come for an interview on Monday February 28th.
We are overjoyed. Having one interview scheduled was just awesome; it was a true answer to prayer. But now we have two scheduled...two within the course of one week. I'm walking (floating?) around this house like a loon. Just to give you an example of where my mind is not, here is what I did this afternoon:
Our mailbox is at the end of our road, oh, at least 100 yards from our front door. After I get home from work, Brookie and I always walk out to the mailbox together to get the mail. We did that today. I walked 100+ yards to the mailbox with my dog and got the mail. Then, about 45 minutes later in my state of utter joy and with my brain daydreaming about more and more kids I walked 100+ yards out the to the mailbox with my dog AGAIN. When I opened the mailbox and saw it was empty I thought it was odd that I didn't have any mail...until I came back inside and saw it sitting on the kitchen table........
It's going to be a nutty week waiting for these interviews. But I am loving every single second of it.
I know this doesn't mean we get any kids. But boy is it ever a big step closer. After the call about the first interview we decided not to get our hopes up (yeah right) but now that we have a second call all of my self restraint has left me and my emotions are unbridled - this is pretty rare for me.
What can you do to help, friends? Keep encouraging, wishing, and praying for us. We sure would love to have kids soon. We would be absolutely delighted with either of these two sets. Our biggest fear, though, is NOT not getting the kids. Our biggest fear is having to choose one set over the other.
Please pray that if one of these sets is intended for us that it is crystal clear.
We have already fallen madly in love with these kids. I know it's dangerous but now that they are a real potential we just can't help it. We've been staring at their pictures, thinking of things we'll need to get for them, planning our first family outings and vacations, etc. We can't wait to show them off to all of you.
If you want to pray specifically, here is the best I can do as far as information about the kids:
GROUP #1 GROUP #2
4 kids 3 kids
1 boy, 3 girls 2 boys, 1 girl
age range 1.5 - 6 age range 1 - 8
from PA from PA
That's all I can give for now. If one of these groups become ours, our life will sure be changed...we can't wait. We can't wait to meet our match one day and love 'em up and bring 'em home.
So, here's to more good news! What a blessing, what a joy, what a journey, what a gift!
Here's another verse I've been clinging to lately. I think this week I'll cling to it even more tightly:
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14
I'll let you know how well that works...might be easier said than done :)
Before I leave, I want to thank you all again for such an outpouring of love and support. We'll never be able to thank you enough or tell you how much it means to us.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Progress...Real Progress!
I can hardly type I am so excited. We have made significant progress over the past week. Let's start with the not-the-greatest progress:
We have had quite a few groups taken off our list this past week. We went from 11 down to 6. Though we were disappointed, that happens...and it is progress. We would MUCH RATHER know who is no longer on our list than wait in the foster care purgatory where we just don't know anything about a group. So, though it sounds contradictory, we count the "No's" as progress.
Now, for some semi-big news:
Two groups on our list have called our caseworker more than once to get more information about us. Some of the information was so specific that our Jess (our caseworker) had to call us for the answers. This is great news. The fact that two different caseworkers for two different sets of kids called to learn more about us is great. Obviously that means they are pretty interested in us as parents for their kids. We are thrilled about this.
Now, for some even bigger news:
WE HAVE AN INTERVIEW! A caseworker called Jess today (2/16/11) to see if we were interested enough to set-up an interview with her and the County Worker. This is wonderful news. Let me clarify quickly before you start jumping up and down and calling the local news (like I almost did!): this does not mean we "get the kids." This only means that we seem like real potential fit for these kids and the caseworker and county worker want a chance to meet with us. From what we know, this process is usually limited to 3-5 families. It is likely that a family will be chosen for these kids from the families that are interviewed. So yes, we are a real potential...but so are other families.
I wish I could tell you more about the process. I will be able to after Wednesday February 23 - which is the date of our interview. Jess will brief us and prepare us as best as she can so we are prepared for all sorts of questions. Don't you worry, friends, I'm already arming my brain with all the info I can: all of my resources in the medical and education field, child development classes, resources in the military, etc. I will go into this interview armed and ready for battle...battle for my kids.
So, what can you do. Encourage us and pray for us. Right now, even as I type, I am so nervous I could vomit. The thought of "auditioning" for my kids terrifies me. Good-bye sleep - I won't see you for quite some time.
What if we don't pass...what if we don't get these kids? Well, the right I'm-A-Good-Christian-And-Have-An-Unwaivering-Faith-answer is this: We'll know they weren't the kids that were meant for us so we are thankful for the opportunity to learn more about the interview process and we'll move on excitedly knowing that our kids are still out there waiting for us.
I suspect, though, our answer will look more like I'm-A-Growing-Christian-And-Have-A-Faith-That-Is-Growing-Too-Answer: We'll know they weren't the kids for us but we'll still be terribly disappointed because we came so close. Although we'll be thankful to learn about the interview process we'll be scared to go through it again knowing we might feel the same bad feelings that come with "not making the cut." I'm not really sure how we'll feel - I'm only guessing from experience.
If we get the kids - you'll know. Boy will you ever know. You'll know about any kids we get. The world will know.
Until then, we'll keep you posted. Until then we need you, friends. I'll be in touch soon! Until then, lets hang on this verse:
Psalm 29:11 - The LORD gives strength to His people; the LORD blesses His people with peace.
We have had quite a few groups taken off our list this past week. We went from 11 down to 6. Though we were disappointed, that happens...and it is progress. We would MUCH RATHER know who is no longer on our list than wait in the foster care purgatory where we just don't know anything about a group. So, though it sounds contradictory, we count the "No's" as progress.
Now, for some semi-big news:
Two groups on our list have called our caseworker more than once to get more information about us. Some of the information was so specific that our Jess (our caseworker) had to call us for the answers. This is great news. The fact that two different caseworkers for two different sets of kids called to learn more about us is great. Obviously that means they are pretty interested in us as parents for their kids. We are thrilled about this.
Now, for some even bigger news:
WE HAVE AN INTERVIEW! A caseworker called Jess today (2/16/11) to see if we were interested enough to set-up an interview with her and the County Worker. This is wonderful news. Let me clarify quickly before you start jumping up and down and calling the local news (like I almost did!): this does not mean we "get the kids." This only means that we seem like real potential fit for these kids and the caseworker and county worker want a chance to meet with us. From what we know, this process is usually limited to 3-5 families. It is likely that a family will be chosen for these kids from the families that are interviewed. So yes, we are a real potential...but so are other families.
I wish I could tell you more about the process. I will be able to after Wednesday February 23 - which is the date of our interview. Jess will brief us and prepare us as best as she can so we are prepared for all sorts of questions. Don't you worry, friends, I'm already arming my brain with all the info I can: all of my resources in the medical and education field, child development classes, resources in the military, etc. I will go into this interview armed and ready for battle...battle for my kids.
So, what can you do. Encourage us and pray for us. Right now, even as I type, I am so nervous I could vomit. The thought of "auditioning" for my kids terrifies me. Good-bye sleep - I won't see you for quite some time.
What if we don't pass...what if we don't get these kids? Well, the right I'm-A-Good-Christian-And-Have-An-Unwaivering-Faith-answer is this: We'll know they weren't the kids that were meant for us so we are thankful for the opportunity to learn more about the interview process and we'll move on excitedly knowing that our kids are still out there waiting for us.
I suspect, though, our answer will look more like I'm-A-Growing-Christian-And-Have-A-Faith-That-Is-Growing-Too-Answer: We'll know they weren't the kids for us but we'll still be terribly disappointed because we came so close. Although we'll be thankful to learn about the interview process we'll be scared to go through it again knowing we might feel the same bad feelings that come with "not making the cut." I'm not really sure how we'll feel - I'm only guessing from experience.
If we get the kids - you'll know. Boy will you ever know. You'll know about any kids we get. The world will know.
Until then, we'll keep you posted. Until then we need you, friends. I'll be in touch soon! Until then, lets hang on this verse:
Psalm 29:11 - The LORD gives strength to His people; the LORD blesses His people with peace.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
The Good In Inadequacy
Inadequacy - what a terrible word.
Let me define it before we begin: Not adequate, not sufficient, not equal to what is required
This past week this ugly word has been at the forefront of my thoughts and I wasn't quite sure why. As I thought about it, really and truly thought about it, I came to the (sad) realization that it's been a central theme in my life lately. At first I found that hard to believe. For those of you who know me well I'm pretty confident in myself (yes, at times this too is a vice). I'm very confident in my abilities (like my job, my cooking, etc) and I'm very confident in my inabilities (like athletics and vehicles, etc). I know what I can do and I know what I can't do. Why, then, am I feeling inadequate and why won't this rotten word leave me alone.
Let me share with you why I think this is so...
We all know by now that when Jordan and I decided to start a family it didn't work out how we thought it would. We tried our hardest to have a child and it just wasn't working. Althought it was heart-wrenching for us to go through, at that point in the process we didn't know exactly why. We were still in this together. Then came the testing. After a few differently fertility tests we quickly found out that this wasn't because of Jordan. BAM Like a whack in the face the feelings of inadequacy started at that point. Woman have children - that's what they do. But I couldn't. I felt not equal to what is required in both a woman and in a wife.
- I am thankful to have a husband who tried his darndest not to let that burden fall on me
- I am thankful to our doctor who so willingly counseled and comforted me
- I am thankful to the medical field who offered the hope of having a child with treatment
- I am thankful to my God who brought me out of the dangerous place of inadequacy
Fast forward a bit: We decided to adopt. What an absolutely joyous decision for us. By reading the past posts you certainly know that despite that ups and downs of this journey we are 100% delighted and our love for our children grows exponentially everyday. But (I say that a lot, don't I), if I am being truthful with myself and truthful with you the feeling of inadequacy still lingers. If I don't watch myself and guard my heart I fall into that ugly, terrible place again. When I think about all of the different groups of available children that we weren't chosen for, I feel inadequate. I feel not equal to what is required to raise children when we aren't chosen to be parents.
I know the feeling of inadequacy is not meant for us. I don't believe that our God wants anyone to feel inadequate - that's why he throws us a rope and pulls us out when we call to Him. But I do believe that these feelings will serve a good purpose for me. Here's why:
The children we are getting will no doubt have felt inadequate in their short little lives. Their biological parents for some reason or another couldn't/wouldn't take care of them. They couldn't do this to the point that the legal system had to intervene and take these children from their parents. These poor little loves likely don't understand that NONE OF THIS was their fault - they only know they aren't with their parents. They may be too young now to feel this way but there will surely be a day when they know that I didn't give birth to them and they 'll want to know their own story. Then, they are placed in a system where they are in a temporary home...a home that can't keep them forever. We all know that this is a necessary evil of the system. We are genuinely thankful for those folks who have a heart for foster children but goodness knows they can't keep them all. When I think of all the times and situations where my children may have felt inadequate or all the times that they may feel it in the future, I am so deeply thankful for my own feelings of inadequacy. But compared to their story, I feel that I don't even have a right to feel this way and I feel new feelings of inadequacy. Maybe, just maybe, this is one of those hard lessons that will make me a better mom for these kids. Because of this specific journey I am confident that I will be able to understand them better and show them the love and grace they may need.
I didn't particularly want to share this story - at least not for the entire world to see. This week, though, a dear friend of mine sent me the sweetest note. In it she thanked me for being so open and honest about my feelings and my faith. She didn't have to do that - but she did. Because of her simple (and much appreciated) gesture I fet compelled to share. I'd venture to guess that most of us feel inadequate at times. Don't stay in that place. It's dangerous. Call a friend, call on God, call on your family, call on your pastor, and get yourself out of there.
Then, find the good in it.
Use your experiences to help others. It does NO GOOD to keep good or bad experiences to ourselves (I'm only learning this myself...it's not something I always enjoy doing). It's much easier and much safer to keep things to ourselves. Trust me, I know. I've rationalized myself out of so many potential opportunities to help others just so I could stay in my "comfort zone." I know there will be many more opportunities that I miss because of my own pride. I'm going to try, though. I'm going to try to stop worrying so much about myself and my image and my comfort. I don't think there is an easy answer on how to do this other than to just try. Pass it on, pay it forward...whatever you want to call it is fine - just do something good with it, help someone else.
Before I end I'm going to share a Bible verse I always believed in, mostly by faith because it was in the Bible. I'm slowly, though, believing this verse to be personally true not only by faith but now through experience:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
I can sleep a little better at night when I truly believe this verse. You see, it's not meant to only comfort me. It's meant to comfort Jordan, it's meant to comfort my kids, it's meant to comfort my friends and family, and it's meant to comfort YOU.
Side note: No new info on our kids. We'll be sure to let you when we know!
Let me define it before we begin: Not adequate, not sufficient, not equal to what is required
This past week this ugly word has been at the forefront of my thoughts and I wasn't quite sure why. As I thought about it, really and truly thought about it, I came to the (sad) realization that it's been a central theme in my life lately. At first I found that hard to believe. For those of you who know me well I'm pretty confident in myself (yes, at times this too is a vice). I'm very confident in my abilities (like my job, my cooking, etc) and I'm very confident in my inabilities (like athletics and vehicles, etc). I know what I can do and I know what I can't do. Why, then, am I feeling inadequate and why won't this rotten word leave me alone.
Let me share with you why I think this is so...
We all know by now that when Jordan and I decided to start a family it didn't work out how we thought it would. We tried our hardest to have a child and it just wasn't working. Althought it was heart-wrenching for us to go through, at that point in the process we didn't know exactly why. We were still in this together. Then came the testing. After a few differently fertility tests we quickly found out that this wasn't because of Jordan. BAM Like a whack in the face the feelings of inadequacy started at that point. Woman have children - that's what they do. But I couldn't. I felt not equal to what is required in both a woman and in a wife.
- I am thankful to have a husband who tried his darndest not to let that burden fall on me
- I am thankful to our doctor who so willingly counseled and comforted me
- I am thankful to the medical field who offered the hope of having a child with treatment
- I am thankful to my God who brought me out of the dangerous place of inadequacy
Fast forward a bit: We decided to adopt. What an absolutely joyous decision for us. By reading the past posts you certainly know that despite that ups and downs of this journey we are 100% delighted and our love for our children grows exponentially everyday. But (I say that a lot, don't I), if I am being truthful with myself and truthful with you the feeling of inadequacy still lingers. If I don't watch myself and guard my heart I fall into that ugly, terrible place again. When I think about all of the different groups of available children that we weren't chosen for, I feel inadequate. I feel not equal to what is required to raise children when we aren't chosen to be parents.
I know the feeling of inadequacy is not meant for us. I don't believe that our God wants anyone to feel inadequate - that's why he throws us a rope and pulls us out when we call to Him. But I do believe that these feelings will serve a good purpose for me. Here's why:
The children we are getting will no doubt have felt inadequate in their short little lives. Their biological parents for some reason or another couldn't/wouldn't take care of them. They couldn't do this to the point that the legal system had to intervene and take these children from their parents. These poor little loves likely don't understand that NONE OF THIS was their fault - they only know they aren't with their parents. They may be too young now to feel this way but there will surely be a day when they know that I didn't give birth to them and they 'll want to know their own story. Then, they are placed in a system where they are in a temporary home...a home that can't keep them forever. We all know that this is a necessary evil of the system. We are genuinely thankful for those folks who have a heart for foster children but goodness knows they can't keep them all. When I think of all the times and situations where my children may have felt inadequate or all the times that they may feel it in the future, I am so deeply thankful for my own feelings of inadequacy. But compared to their story, I feel that I don't even have a right to feel this way and I feel new feelings of inadequacy. Maybe, just maybe, this is one of those hard lessons that will make me a better mom for these kids. Because of this specific journey I am confident that I will be able to understand them better and show them the love and grace they may need.
I didn't particularly want to share this story - at least not for the entire world to see. This week, though, a dear friend of mine sent me the sweetest note. In it she thanked me for being so open and honest about my feelings and my faith. She didn't have to do that - but she did. Because of her simple (and much appreciated) gesture I fet compelled to share. I'd venture to guess that most of us feel inadequate at times. Don't stay in that place. It's dangerous. Call a friend, call on God, call on your family, call on your pastor, and get yourself out of there.
Then, find the good in it.
Use your experiences to help others. It does NO GOOD to keep good or bad experiences to ourselves (I'm only learning this myself...it's not something I always enjoy doing). It's much easier and much safer to keep things to ourselves. Trust me, I know. I've rationalized myself out of so many potential opportunities to help others just so I could stay in my "comfort zone." I know there will be many more opportunities that I miss because of my own pride. I'm going to try, though. I'm going to try to stop worrying so much about myself and my image and my comfort. I don't think there is an easy answer on how to do this other than to just try. Pass it on, pay it forward...whatever you want to call it is fine - just do something good with it, help someone else.
Before I end I'm going to share a Bible verse I always believed in, mostly by faith because it was in the Bible. I'm slowly, though, believing this verse to be personally true not only by faith but now through experience:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
I can sleep a little better at night when I truly believe this verse. You see, it's not meant to only comfort me. It's meant to comfort Jordan, it's meant to comfort my kids, it's meant to comfort my friends and family, and it's meant to comfort YOU.
Side note: No new info on our kids. We'll be sure to let you when we know!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Mission: Match
So we're back from one of the largest matching events in PA. It was quite an experience...a good experience (I'm still recovering from a night of sensory overload). Here's how we made out:
To start, there were over 50 agencies and counties in PA represented. Each agency/county had a table that showcased the available children and families. With the help of Jess (our caseworker) we walked up and down the snake-like aisles of tables searching for sibling groups. When we came across a group, we spoke with the caseworker at the table and gathered as much information about each group and each child within the group as we could. Very luckily for us, most of the groups we inquired about had their specific caseworker present at the event. Only a few groups had a someone repesent the agency/county who wasn't working with that specific group (obviously, every single worker for each agency couldn't be present - there would be way too many people!).
For neary 2.5 hours we listened, took notes, asked questions, and answered questions. I think my favorite part about the night was being able to actually connect with caseworkers and meet them face to face. What I dislike most about this whole adoption process is the fact that Jordan and I are only "paper file." That's just the nature of the beast. Without these events we would never be able to speak directly to and meet caseworkers without an actual interview - which is a huge step so it doesn't happen often. I loved that fact that these caseworkers could put our faces and personalities with the papers they had read or will be reading. I'd like to think that Jordan and I are much more dynamic in "real life" than we are in "paper life." It was also so nice to see them and hear them speak about these kids. You could just tell the passion that the workers had for these kids and their future.
By the end of the night we had talked about 14 different sets of kids and walked away with 11 possibilities. Some of these possibilities are stronger than others but nonetheless they are a potential match. Every single one of these kids is such a love. I'd take them all if we could. What's killing me, in a good way though, is that we got to see pictures of all these kids. I wish I could show you how precious they are. When they are ours I can...just not now. In the meantime all their little faces are dancing about my head and I'm dreaming each minute away thinking, wishing, hoping, and praying that one of these sets could be ours.
So, about these kids on "the list." We're not at the point where we can just throw out information about these kids so the best I can do is give you some ranges:
- Of the 11 possible groups there are 28 children in all
- The youngest on the list is 12 months and the oldest is 13 (we hit every age in between except 12)
- They are all either boys or girls (hahaha, just had to)
- There are many races/ethnicities...red, brown, yellow, black, and white, they are precious in His sight...
- They are all from PA
- They all need a mom and a dad
I know it's not terribly exciting - like we have an exact match. But Jordan and I are very pleased with the outcome. We nearly tripled our list, we got to make some great contacts, we have a ton of information...all we're waiting on are our kids!
By the way: We both truly appreciate all of the kind words, prayers, and support. Really, we do. It helps to know that so many people are behind us in this process - loving us and loving our kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We also want to thank Jess for all of her dedication to us. She did a lot of prep work for this event. Also during the event, bless her heart, she followed us around making sure all the right questions were asked and answered, took awesome notes like champ, made sure we stayed hydrated, hunted down missing caseworkers, etc. What a gem! Jess, you rock!
Here's to some good news soon! (We're currently accepting all wines from Seven Mountains to raise a glass and toast to this news-to-come!)
To start, there were over 50 agencies and counties in PA represented. Each agency/county had a table that showcased the available children and families. With the help of Jess (our caseworker) we walked up and down the snake-like aisles of tables searching for sibling groups. When we came across a group, we spoke with the caseworker at the table and gathered as much information about each group and each child within the group as we could. Very luckily for us, most of the groups we inquired about had their specific caseworker present at the event. Only a few groups had a someone repesent the agency/county who wasn't working with that specific group (obviously, every single worker for each agency couldn't be present - there would be way too many people!).
For neary 2.5 hours we listened, took notes, asked questions, and answered questions. I think my favorite part about the night was being able to actually connect with caseworkers and meet them face to face. What I dislike most about this whole adoption process is the fact that Jordan and I are only "paper file." That's just the nature of the beast. Without these events we would never be able to speak directly to and meet caseworkers without an actual interview - which is a huge step so it doesn't happen often. I loved that fact that these caseworkers could put our faces and personalities with the papers they had read or will be reading. I'd like to think that Jordan and I are much more dynamic in "real life" than we are in "paper life." It was also so nice to see them and hear them speak about these kids. You could just tell the passion that the workers had for these kids and their future.
By the end of the night we had talked about 14 different sets of kids and walked away with 11 possibilities. Some of these possibilities are stronger than others but nonetheless they are a potential match. Every single one of these kids is such a love. I'd take them all if we could. What's killing me, in a good way though, is that we got to see pictures of all these kids. I wish I could show you how precious they are. When they are ours I can...just not now. In the meantime all their little faces are dancing about my head and I'm dreaming each minute away thinking, wishing, hoping, and praying that one of these sets could be ours.
So, about these kids on "the list." We're not at the point where we can just throw out information about these kids so the best I can do is give you some ranges:
- Of the 11 possible groups there are 28 children in all
- The youngest on the list is 12 months and the oldest is 13 (we hit every age in between except 12)
- They are all either boys or girls (hahaha, just had to)
- There are many races/ethnicities...red, brown, yellow, black, and white, they are precious in His sight...
- They are all from PA
- They all need a mom and a dad
I know it's not terribly exciting - like we have an exact match. But Jordan and I are very pleased with the outcome. We nearly tripled our list, we got to make some great contacts, we have a ton of information...all we're waiting on are our kids!
By the way: We both truly appreciate all of the kind words, prayers, and support. Really, we do. It helps to know that so many people are behind us in this process - loving us and loving our kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We also want to thank Jess for all of her dedication to us. She did a lot of prep work for this event. Also during the event, bless her heart, she followed us around making sure all the right questions were asked and answered, took awesome notes like champ, made sure we stayed hydrated, hunted down missing caseworkers, etc. What a gem! Jess, you rock!
Here's to some good news soon! (We're currently accepting all wines from Seven Mountains to raise a glass and toast to this news-to-come!)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Who Would Have Thought
It's no secret - I am discouraged. Jordan and I both thought that we certainly would have been farther along in the adoption process than where we are now. It's a humbling experience too. Here we thought we were the great All-American family who caseworkers would jump at to send kids to us. This has not been the case. This emotional roller coaster has taken a toll on us. We constantly check our emails for any updates or any news and we jump at the sound our phone hoping and praying it's a call about our kids. We get good news that another group as made it on "the list" or that a caseworker wants more information about us but then we get the bad news that we're not a good fit. We have times where for a few days in a row we receive information and then we have times where a week or two goes by without any movement at all. Our minds, bodies, and hearts are tired - we've been waiting for a family for a long time.
But
As we talk and reflect back we are thankful for this season of waiting. There - it's out. I might not say it again, though, at least not aloud. Waiting is not fun, not fun at all. Waiting is especially not fun when you are waiting for something you want so very badly.
We can both say, however, that without a shadow of a doubt that this time of waiting has been good for us. Never before have we had to rely on each other so much, be patient with each other's emotions (for a man and a woman these look and are manifested VERY differently), be patient with other's questions/concerns, and be patient with ourselves. Many times we have handled this maturely and in a manner of which we're proud of but there are times when we've handled it in a way that was less than appropriate.
I've also have learned so much about the person of God. Through this all I have been able to truly see some different sides of His personality. There are times when I could laugh with Him (as I imagine Him "muting" my prayer line saying "Oh dear, it's Sarah Ames again.") and times when I could cry with Him (as I imagine my children laying in bed wishing for parents of their own or feeling anything other than the joy and happiness we hope to show them) and times when I was angry with Him (when I don't understand why it's so hard to match kids with no parents to parents with no kids). I have come to know Him as the Great Promise Keeper, the Healer of the Broken Hearted, The Great Defender, My Provider, My Comforter, but best of all as My Friend.
God knew what He was doing when He made us wait. I STILL DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER SECOND...but He knew what He was doing. This time has surely been used wisely.
"We're going to be rookie parents but we sure aren't getting rookie kids."
I typed that to a friend just a few days ago but I hadn't really realized it until I typed it. Secretly, I'm glad we had this time to better prepare, learn some more lessons, grow closer together as a couple, and tuck away more advice. But really, I just want my kids.
Finally, here is an update...long awaited I think...for you and for us.
Wedesday night we are going to a large matching event in Harrisburg. Caseworkers from all over will be there showcasing many children. We have 4 specific groups on our list about whom we are going to gather more information and to introduce ourselves personally to a representative from each of their agencies. It is also our hope that we will learn about more groups that are available for adoption that we can add to our list as a potential match.
Pray for this event: for us, for our caseworker, for all other caseworkers, and mostly for all the kids that will be represented there (no children will actually be present).
We also have had some questions about our fertility lately. At this time we are not pursuing any of the suggested fertility treatments. We don't feel it is wise right now. We want all of our resources and all of our energies to be focused on this adoption and on our children. We want them to feel like they are our sun, moon, and stars. They deserve to be the stars of our show for quite some time. Plus, who knows how many kids we'll end up with when this is all said and done. We certainly aren't closing the door to fertility permanently - it may be an option down the road. For now, though, it's off the table.
You can bet that we'll continue to post as updates are known and thoughts run through our heads. Until then on Wednesday night between 6:30pm - 8:30pm you can say a prayer for us, drink a glass of wine for us, or start an "Ames Parade" outside the Holiday Inn East in Harrisburg promoting us to the caseworkers!
Just Kidding :) Mom - don't even think about it...
Pray for this event: for us, for our caseworker, for all other caseworkers, and mostly for all the kids that will be represented there (no children will actually be present).
We also have had some questions about our fertility lately. At this time we are not pursuing any of the suggested fertility treatments. We don't feel it is wise right now. We want all of our resources and all of our energies to be focused on this adoption and on our children. We want them to feel like they are our sun, moon, and stars. They deserve to be the stars of our show for quite some time. Plus, who knows how many kids we'll end up with when this is all said and done. We certainly aren't closing the door to fertility permanently - it may be an option down the road. For now, though, it's off the table.
You can bet that we'll continue to post as updates are known and thoughts run through our heads. Until then on Wednesday night between 6:30pm - 8:30pm you can say a prayer for us, drink a glass of wine for us, or start an "Ames Parade" outside the Holiday Inn East in Harrisburg promoting us to the caseworkers!
Just Kidding :) Mom - don't even think about it...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I See The World On Their Shoulders...
As I have reflected back on my previous blog I was hit rather hard with some convictions. I do try my best to remain thankful for all the blessings that I have. I have even tried to name them each day so that they are fresh, real reminders of all that I have. But the thing that hit me the hardest was even though I say and pray how thankful I am for my many blessings do I always act like I am thankful?
The mantra "Actions speak louder than words" has been floating about my mind. I've felt that it is high time that I do more than say thanks and start acting thankful.
Oh trust me, I have rationalized all sorts of "ways out" in my mind such as
- I work with the sick and dying for my job, I do my part for those in need.
-- but I get paid for this
- I help rehabilitate people too, so they can live to their fullest potential.
-- but I get paid for this too, AND the people
always thank me (personal gain)
- I give money to church every week
-- but it's so easy to just write a check without
any other committment
- I give to lots of other charity as well
-- but without any time or personal investment - it's easy
to give when you don't have to see what the people are
actually going through or feeling
- I sign up to help and volunteer within the community and church
-- but in all honesty, some of this is so that I am seen
as a "good person"
- I am adopting kids who are in desparate need of parents
-- but part of this comes from my own desire to be a mother
Please hear what I am NOT saying: all of the things listed above are good things...they are things that will help people and things that I am called to do. My point (directed only at myself...my finger is pointed at me) is that in each of the above things, there is always a degree of personal satisfaction or personal gain involved without much sacrifice. That is where I have trouble. On paper, it looks as though Jordan and I do a lot of giving and helping BUT when we sit down to chat about it we can't help but think we could be doing more. We live rather comfortable lives compared to a lot of folks. It's so easy to justify that we deserve this because we both have worked very hard to live this way. Then I think of all the people who don't deserve to live they way they live...the people who don't have clean water, the people who don't have books to read, the people who are hungry every single day, the people who have holes in their shoes or perhaps no shoes at all, the people who can't receive adequate medical care, etc. We could just give a little more, do a little more, and help a little more in order to make a potentially big difference in the life of someone.
We know we can't change the lives of everyone, but if we can help just one more person than we have been, that's a step in the right direction - right?
Here is another song that has really dug its way into my brain and my being. I like it even better than the last song. You've got to hear it...my sister, Kayla, introduced it to me over a year ago and it has hit me hard every time I hear it. I'm serious - click this link for You Tube and listen to it now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6X_ZBpqQs&feature=related
What did you think? Maybe it didn't do anything for you; that's okay. For me, though, it gets me all fired up. It makes me want to do more, to be a better person. The line that always gets me is:
"I see the world on their shoulders and my easy load."
I do have it easy - most of us have it easy compared to so many other people. Could we be doing more to help those people? Sure, we can. Will we?
Will anyone out there in "blog world" join me in doing something more than you are doing right now. It doesn't have to a big time-consuming, expensive endeavor to make a difference. It can be something small. But it still will be something more, something else to help someone else somewhere else.
Let me be so bold as to offer a few suggestions:
- Each time you go to the grocery store, buy some canned or boxed goods and take them to the local food pantry on the way home (I'm embarrassed to say that I did do this, but then had google where the local food pantry is...I was ashamed at myself)
- Once a week/month buy something for your local homeless shelter: sheets, a blanket, toiletries, etc.
- Offer a few hours of volunteer time each month at a church, a nursing home, a food pantry, etc.
- Each time you check out the the grocery store, purchase the $3 star that donates to local charities
- Consider "adopting" a third world child through an organization of your choice. Ones we like are:
- Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com/
- Umuryango Children's Network: http://www.umuryango.org/
Sure, $20/month or $50/month sounds like a lot, but in all reality it isn't. For Jordan and I it's only giving up about 5 cups of Starbucks Coffee, 1 dinner out at Texas Roadhouse, 3 bottles of Seven Mountains Wine, 2 tickets to the movies, 4 On Demand movie rentals...get the picture. In my mind lately I've been having trouble rationalizing "my right" to all of these things as opposed to helping someone else in a big way.
This post wasn't meant to put a guilt trip on anyone - it was to share my own guilt trip with you. I am hoping that some of you may choose to use this as a kick in the pants to make a difference. I know many of you already are (shout out to Shelly Sandom, check out her blog: http://pages.teamintraining.org/cpa/ambbr11/msandom). Again, hear what I am NOT saying: I'm not suggesting that anyone give away all that they have and live in poverty to help others. I'm only suggesting that maybe we can each do a little more than we already are so that others can be helped in a big way.
P.S.
No big updates on the kid-front: we do have more kids on our list now...three more groups to be exact. We continue to pray for more information, quick movement, and clear direction and guidance for all involved.
The mantra "Actions speak louder than words" has been floating about my mind. I've felt that it is high time that I do more than say thanks and start acting thankful.
Oh trust me, I have rationalized all sorts of "ways out" in my mind such as
- I work with the sick and dying for my job, I do my part for those in need.
-- but I get paid for this
- I help rehabilitate people too, so they can live to their fullest potential.
-- but I get paid for this too, AND the people
always thank me (personal gain)
- I give money to church every week
-- but it's so easy to just write a check without
any other committment
- I give to lots of other charity as well
-- but without any time or personal investment - it's easy
to give when you don't have to see what the people are
actually going through or feeling
- I sign up to help and volunteer within the community and church
-- but in all honesty, some of this is so that I am seen
as a "good person"
- I am adopting kids who are in desparate need of parents
-- but part of this comes from my own desire to be a mother
Please hear what I am NOT saying: all of the things listed above are good things...they are things that will help people and things that I am called to do. My point (directed only at myself...my finger is pointed at me) is that in each of the above things, there is always a degree of personal satisfaction or personal gain involved without much sacrifice. That is where I have trouble. On paper, it looks as though Jordan and I do a lot of giving and helping BUT when we sit down to chat about it we can't help but think we could be doing more. We live rather comfortable lives compared to a lot of folks. It's so easy to justify that we deserve this because we both have worked very hard to live this way. Then I think of all the people who don't deserve to live they way they live...the people who don't have clean water, the people who don't have books to read, the people who are hungry every single day, the people who have holes in their shoes or perhaps no shoes at all, the people who can't receive adequate medical care, etc. We could just give a little more, do a little more, and help a little more in order to make a potentially big difference in the life of someone.
We know we can't change the lives of everyone, but if we can help just one more person than we have been, that's a step in the right direction - right?
Here is another song that has really dug its way into my brain and my being. I like it even better than the last song. You've got to hear it...my sister, Kayla, introduced it to me over a year ago and it has hit me hard every time I hear it. I'm serious - click this link for You Tube and listen to it now:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6X_ZBpqQs&feature=related
What did you think? Maybe it didn't do anything for you; that's okay. For me, though, it gets me all fired up. It makes me want to do more, to be a better person. The line that always gets me is:
"I see the world on their shoulders and my easy load."
I do have it easy - most of us have it easy compared to so many other people. Could we be doing more to help those people? Sure, we can. Will we?
Will anyone out there in "blog world" join me in doing something more than you are doing right now. It doesn't have to a big time-consuming, expensive endeavor to make a difference. It can be something small. But it still will be something more, something else to help someone else somewhere else.
Let me be so bold as to offer a few suggestions:
- Each time you go to the grocery store, buy some canned or boxed goods and take them to the local food pantry on the way home (I'm embarrassed to say that I did do this, but then had google where the local food pantry is...I was ashamed at myself)
- Once a week/month buy something for your local homeless shelter: sheets, a blanket, toiletries, etc.
- Offer a few hours of volunteer time each month at a church, a nursing home, a food pantry, etc.
- Each time you check out the the grocery store, purchase the $3 star that donates to local charities
- Consider "adopting" a third world child through an organization of your choice. Ones we like are:
- Compassion International: http://www.compassion.com/
- Umuryango Children's Network: http://www.umuryango.org/
Sure, $20/month or $50/month sounds like a lot, but in all reality it isn't. For Jordan and I it's only giving up about 5 cups of Starbucks Coffee, 1 dinner out at Texas Roadhouse, 3 bottles of Seven Mountains Wine, 2 tickets to the movies, 4 On Demand movie rentals...get the picture. In my mind lately I've been having trouble rationalizing "my right" to all of these things as opposed to helping someone else in a big way.
This post wasn't meant to put a guilt trip on anyone - it was to share my own guilt trip with you. I am hoping that some of you may choose to use this as a kick in the pants to make a difference. I know many of you already are (shout out to Shelly Sandom, check out her blog: http://pages.teamintraining.org/cpa/ambbr11/msandom). Again, hear what I am NOT saying: I'm not suggesting that anyone give away all that they have and live in poverty to help others. I'm only suggesting that maybe we can each do a little more than we already are so that others can be helped in a big way.
P.S.
No big updates on the kid-front: we do have more kids on our list now...three more groups to be exact. We continue to pray for more information, quick movement, and clear direction and guidance for all involved.
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