Who Would Have Thought

It's no secret - I am discouraged.  Jordan and I both thought that we certainly would have been farther along in the adoption process than where we are now.  It's a humbling experience too.  Here we thought we were the great All-American family who caseworkers would jump at to send kids to us.  This has not been the case.  This emotional roller coaster has taken a toll on us.  We constantly check our emails for any updates or any news and we jump at the sound our phone hoping and praying it's a call about our kids.  We get good news that another group as made it on "the list" or that a caseworker wants more information about us but then we get the bad news that we're not a good fit.  We have times where for a few days in a row we receive information and then we have times where a week or two goes by without any movement at all.  Our minds, bodies, and hearts are tired - we've been waiting for a family for a long time.

But

As we talk and reflect back we are thankful for this season of waiting.  There - it's out.  I might not say it again, though, at least not aloud.  Waiting is not fun, not fun at all.  Waiting is especially not fun when you are waiting for something you want so very badly. 

We can both say, however, that without a shadow of a doubt that this time of waiting has been good for us.  Never before have we had to rely on each other so much, be patient with each other's emotions (for a man and a woman these look and are manifested VERY differently), be patient with other's questions/concerns, and be patient with ourselves.  Many times we have handled this maturely and in a manner of which we're proud of but there are times when we've handled it in a way that was less than appropriate.

I've also have learned so much about the person of God.  Through this all I have been able to truly see some different sides of His personality.  There are times when I could laugh with Him (as I imagine Him "muting" my prayer line saying "Oh dear, it's Sarah Ames again.") and times when I could cry with Him (as I imagine my children laying in bed wishing for parents of their own or feeling anything other than the joy and happiness we hope to show them) and times when I was angry with Him (when I don't understand why it's so hard to match kids with no parents to parents with no kids).  I have come to know Him as the Great Promise Keeper, the Healer of the Broken Hearted, The Great Defender, My Provider, My Comforter, but best of all as My Friend. 

God knew what He was doing when He made us wait.  I STILL DON'T WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER SECOND...but He knew what He was doing.  This time has surely been used wisely.

"We're going to be rookie parents but we sure aren't getting rookie kids."

I typed that to a friend just a few days ago but I hadn't really realized it until I typed it.  Secretly, I'm glad we had this time to better prepare, learn some more lessons, grow closer together as a couple, and tuck away more advice.  But really, I just want my kids.

Finally, here is an update...long awaited I think...for you and for us.

Wedesday night we are going to a large matching event in Harrisburg.  Caseworkers from all over will be there showcasing many children.  We have 4 specific groups on our list about whom we are going to gather more information and to introduce ourselves personally to a representative from each of their agencies.  It is also our hope that we will learn about more groups that are available for adoption that we can add to our list as a potential match.
Pray for this event:  for us, for our caseworker, for all other caseworkers, and mostly for all the kids that will be represented there (no children will actually be present).

We also have had some questions about our fertility lately.  At this time we are not pursuing any of the suggested fertility treatments.  We don't feel it is wise right now.  We want all of our resources and all of our energies to be focused on this adoption and on our children.  We want them to feel like they are our sun, moon, and stars.  They deserve to be the stars of our show for quite some time.  Plus, who knows how many kids we'll end up with when this is all said and done.  We certainly aren't closing the door to fertility permanently - it may be an option down the road.  For now, though, it's off the table.

You can bet that we'll continue to post as updates are known and thoughts run through our heads.  Until then on Wednesday night between 6:30pm - 8:30pm you can say a prayer for us, drink a glass of wine for us, or start an "Ames Parade" outside the Holiday Inn East in Harrisburg promoting us to the caseworkers!
Just Kidding :)  Mom - don't even think about it...