If Not Us Then Who?

The left lateral lobe of my liver and its coordinating ducts, arteries, and veins are being removed (roughly 1/4 of my liver), along with my gallbladder.  The super cool part about this is that they are taking that hunk of my liver and transplanting it into a baby who direly needs it (yes, my liver - you naysayers can start your jokes - this sweet child will grow with a predisposition for the taste of a good Cab Sauv!).  Seriously, though, this sure as heck came as a shock to me. I only found out this was a possibility on Thursday of last week when I received a call from Duke University's transplant team.  I went for all sorts of testing the very next day (Friday) and by Monday I had the unofficial "you're a match" phone call.  Tuesday came with the official call and yesterday I met with the transplant team to discuss the whole ordeal, have another round of blood work, chest x-ray, EKG, psych eval, etc.  So, barring nothing comes up between now and Tuesday, The baby and I will be having the surgery anywhere between the 15th and the 21st with a projected date of the 20th.  I'll get a confirmed date on Tuesday.

So, why am I doing this?  Good question.  Because, after all, this is totally elective.  I'm perfectly healthy.  It's that sweet baby who is not.  Here are my reasons:

1.  I don't believe God would present me with this if He wasn't prepared to take me through it.
2.  I'm not afraid to die. Hear me:  I have no plans of dying nor do I want to.  The chances of that are super slim.  In fact, no donor has died from this type of liver donation surgery.  The complications are there, but very minimal.  But, the thought of leaving my babies and the love my of life brings me to tears and wrenches my gut. That being said, I'm not afraid of death.  I know where I'm spending eternity.  I know where my children and my husband are spending eternity, too.  That's probably my greatest gift.
3.  I trust God. I am walking into this with full confidence that I will walk out fine (in tons of pain and one giant, ugly scar, but fine), that this baby will be able to live a full life, and that God will use this to reach others who need to know Him.  I have a unnatural (supernatural?) peace about me as I've made this decision.
4.  I cannot begin to fathom what this baby's mother is feeling. If I have the ability (very low risk ability) to help save a child's life, how can I say no?  I'm not sure I could bear the responsibility of knowing that I willfully chose not to help save someone, especially a child.
5.  I find it comforting to know I"ll be placing my life into the Giver Of Life's hands.  Who better to trust than the one who has known me the longest and created me for such a time as this.
6.  I've met the and talked with the surgical transplant team extensively.  They are some of the best in the nation with the best outcomes in the nation.  They are kind, highly competent, and extremely supportive.

I'm not quite sure why God chooses to present things to me in such big ways (four kids at once with two weeks notice, two more from Africa with one week's notice, husband regularly away for weeks and months at a shot, giving away part of my liver...I'm noticing a trend).  Maybe He knows I need loud messages.  Maybe someone I know needs loud messages. Maybe someone I don't know needs loud messages.  I'm not sure. It's not my job to question... It's my job to obey.  It's time to practice what I preach.  "If you have the ability, you have the responsibility."  If we don't step up to do what we can, who will?

Now for the part I HATE:  asking for help (gulp).  You all know, I hate asking for help when I'm the recipient of it. I'd much rather do things on my own (read: the right way, my way...but that's another blog for another day).  However, I am wise enough to know when I'll absolutely need it.  That time is now.

I have roughly a week to a week and half to get all sorts of affairs in order. To top it off,  Jordan isn't home. He is 100% unreachable. He left a week ago to do some highly important training and was not allowed to take his phone.  He left me knowing that this was a possibility but not knowing the outcome.  I am beyond thankful for his trust in God and his confidence in me to make these decisions and handle the situation well.  I also know he trusts my support system who has always stepped up to the plate in some tough circumstances.  I am able to send him a message that this is taking place.

Rebekah is manning the house and children (super woman, she is) while my best bud Nicole (aka Tina) is coming to stay with me in the hospital (roughly 5-6 days).  She's no stranger to the hospital scene and will be sure to keep things in order.  My mom will be floating back and forth between the house and hospital, which is three hours away.  There is a lot to do, plan for, and get ready.  Thus, it is time for me to ask for help.  Sigh.

Help me, please.

I have a list I can send of different things that I and Rebekah/the kids will need.  If you are able to and feel inclined to help, please FB messsage/text me or my mom. I have all sorts of ideas of how you can help...even my Pennsylvania friends and family.  My mom and Nicole will be coming down the day before surgery.  Any food and/or other items from my PA friends and family can be dropped off to either of their houses and any NC friends can drop them off at my house.  If any of you need their address/phone number or my address/phone number, let me know.  Again, I really appreciate any and all help.  This will probably be one of the toughest things I have had to face as of yet and without my biggest, strongest (handsomest) support for the beginning of it.  I am not used to being still nor am I used to having other people run my home and care for my children.  That struggle will be real.

Once I am home, those of you who are local (or who are not!!) feel free to stop in and visit.  I am used to my home being filled with people and kids...I just won't be able to cook for you this time :)  I also will welcome phone calls and messages.  I will have Nicole and my mom provide updates as they are able.

For now, I will leave you with a verse and a song (listen to the song, be inspired!):

"Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life."

- Psalm 54:4 ESV

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_RjndG0IX8

*I was going to post a few pictures below of what the surgery entails so you can better understand why I need help.  The photos, though, are pretty darn graphic.  Google image search the following terms if you care to:  "liver transplant incision"  "liver transplant surgery"  "liver transplant scar"