I don't give a flying fig.
(bonus points to the first person who can tell me where I got this catchy little phrase)
I can't say that if we had a traditionally built family we'd be this, well, odd. Maybe it wouldn't mean as much to me to be "that family." Maybe it would have. Who knows. Regardless, when our children (all six) came into our lives I instantly went into "they-need-to-know-what-a-real-family-looks-like" mode. I didn't want their perception of family to be filled with memories being alone, abandoned, unloved, or unwanted, which is exactly what their perception was at that time.
We know that some of you are "those families" out there too. Know that we appreciate you. When our kids see your families it only drives our points home. It also shows them that we're not the only weird ones :)
We know that some of you are "those families" out there too. Know that we appreciate you. When our kids see your families it only drives our points home. It also shows them that we're not the only weird ones :)
Note: If you're easily offended stop reading now. If you're easily offended but can see past what I'm about to suggest given our family's circumstances, by all means continue onward. I in absolutely no way intend to discredit, point my finger at, or disapprove of anyone's family structures, routines, or overall operations. This is my point of view, my observations, and my musings from my family.
Enough of the chatter. On to my mission of: Here's what OUR family is.
We're that family because we eat together. At the dinner table (what?!?). Every meal. Every day (except for school of course). No TV (now you're just crazy). If we have to eat dinner at 4:30 so we can eat together. Perfect. If we have a wait until 6:30 until the boys are home from soccer. No problem. If your friends are here they can eat too. No problem at all. I'd LOVE the chance to hear what your friends have to say and include them in our life. Here. At my table. Along with the fact that Jordan works hard for our money and I work hard to cook wholesome meals, I LOVE dinner time with my kids. I love the conversation that happens. I love the story-telling. I love the problem-solving that the kids provide to each other. I love the prayer requests that get offered. I love hearing about their day, their problems, their successes, and their lives. I love looking at all my little birds. I hate the fighting and arguing but we're getting better at that. After all, we are a family :) By the way, we always have two choices for dinner: eat it now or eat it later. I don't cook separate meals for separate kids. Ever. Unless you are sick or dying.
We're that family because we have one common TV and that TV has lots of rules. No TV in kids' bedrooms. No kids using the guest room TV. No TV during the day. No TV-14, no PG-13. If my kids are going to watch TV, I want to know exactly what they are watching AND I want to watch it with them. I want to know what they are taking away from what enters their eyes and ears. I want to point out better solutions to TV drama problems (like should Jessie tell her friend she lied or try to hide it - shoot me). As far as the television goes, we don't even let the kids watch TV until after dinner and showers...and the occasional soccer game or Penn State game on the weekends. We have family (all of us) movie days sometimes too. I don't care if all your friends watch TV-14 shows and PG-13 movies. I don't care if you're missing out on trashy music videos. Hate me. I still love you. (By the way, it was super oh so hard to train my kids to not ask for or desire the TV. But it's possible. You'd be surprised at how creative they get when there is nothing to distract them.) I'd much rather them fight together and learn to communicate effectively (and sometimes ineffectively) then look like zombies in front of the TV and not communicate at all.
We're that family because we have no video game system. What?! Are you serious? Yes. Dead serious. I hate video games. I hate how addicting they are. I hate that they take the reality out of shooting people. I hate how kids fight over them. I hate how they become a bargaining tool for behavior and grades. So, you got an A on your test? Here, go play a video game and get out of my hair (when deep down all the kid wants is your attention anyway). No, I don't think video games are the devil. Maybe his spawn, though. Yes, my kids have played video games at friends' houses but I encourage them to stay away from shoot-em-ups. Maybe one day we'll have one. Maybe not. For now, we're that family. Let's play together.
We're that family because my kids don't have cell phones, ipods, ipads, whatever you call them. There is no reason my children need to text anyone. There is no reason my children need to access the internet on a device I cannot see what they are accessing. There is no reason my child needs a phone because if they are somewhere and I don't know where they are - they are probably dead anyway. When the need for a cell phone arises we'll deal with it then...jobs, driver's license, etc. Until then if you want to talk to them, call our house or my phone. I also don't want my child's face staring at a screen for hours at a time playing some candy crush game or solitaire. We have about 85 decks of cards. Go get one.
We're that family because my kids have chores. Regular chores. Every day. A decent number of them too by "today's standards." They are responsible for cleaning their own bathrooms. They are responsible for bringing me their hamper when they need clothes (you run out of underwear or socks, to bad so sad), for folding them, and for putting them away. Amanda started when she was four. She's quite capable. (Learning Moment: one day she didn't bring her hamper in time. She looked so funny running around in Brea's size 6 panties when her little hiney buns were is size 2-3. But guess what - it only happen once.) They set the table, do the trash, cut the grass, wash the windows, walk the dogs, etc. Hear me loudly: they are not my little chore children. They are part of our family. Families work together. We do chores together. Then, we rest together and play together. Families do life together.
We're that family because we don't do sleepovers and go-play-anywhere-in-the-neighborhood-just-get-out-of-my-hair-please. Bottom line: the world is getting uglier and uglier by the day. I just don't trust people when it comes to my kids. They have endured so much hurt and I have no intention of that being repeated in any shape or form. There are a very, and I mean very small few of you who have ever had my kids in your house without me present. That number grows even smaller for having my children sleep there. Please, no offense at all if you don't see my kids in your house. Really. And, if you have, well, then you rank among the angels :) Plus, I love having my birds here in the nest. The things kids can hear, see, and find on unsupervised internet, electronic devices, and literature baffles me. Play here. Be loud. Make a mess (but you better clean it up properly or I'll put you and your toys in time out).
We're that family because we go places together. We grocery shop together. It's actually fun because the kids enjoy it (see, I told you we're strange). We run errands together. I give out lists to the big kids and they take a little kid with them. We work together. As a family. We go out to dinner together. And you know what? My kids behave...because I expect them too. When we have extra time and money I want to enjoy both of them as a family...together. We vacation together. I want to take vacations with my children, not from my children. I'll be the first to say it. There are moments, hours, days even where they drive me absolutely batty. Like poke-my-eyeballs-out-where-is-a-glass-of-wine-batty. But I wouldn't trade my time with them for all the battiness in the world.
We're that family because we support each other's endeavors. I don't care if you've watched six hours of a ballet recital. You're staying to finish the remaining two. I don't care if you've seen every soccer game your brother has ever played in - you'll keep cheering him on...with the right attitude. I don't care if baseball games seem like they drag on for ages and the sand fleas are biting your legs - you'll live. Families support each other. Families are there for each other. I think there is great benefit in learning to be happy for others, for putting your interests aside for the benefit of someone else, and for simply being patient. Talk is cheap. I always tell my children that you can tell someone you love them. But you know it's genuine when you show them. Sacrifice for those you love.
We are that family because we love God. We pray together before we eat together. We teach our children to pray aloud for themselves and for others. We go to church and sit in a pew as a family. Sure, your friends may be right behind us but we sit together. We praise God when we're on a high and we make the conscious effort to still praise Him when we're low. We talk about what God has done and what He can do. We talk a lot about loving others. No matter what lifestyle choices they make. Do we set healthy boundaries? Absolutely. Do we turn to scripture to understand what lifestyle choices God wants us to make? We sure do. But we try (and still fail all the time) to genuinely love others with our words and our actions. We also try to love God first in all the choices we make and are trying to teach our kids to do that too.
We're that family because we're not perfect. Refer to the beginning. Maybe we're too much family. I don't know. But at the end of the day I want my kids to know that I want them. That they are valued. That they are treasured. That this family is not complete without them...and neither is my heart.
Maybe I'm not preparing them "for the world." I don't know that either. What I do know is that I'm preparing them for eternity. That's what matters to me. I fail everyday. They do too. We proudly claim our new mercies every morning and start fresh. After a cup of coffee, of course :)
What is your take-away (besides the fact that the Ames are happily strange?)? It is this: whatever rhythm works for your family, to keep you together as a family, to build each other up - find it and settle in it. Just make sure you do it as a family for your family. I can't imagine I will ever look back on my life and think "Gee, I wish I would have spent less time with my family."
We're that family because we don't do sleepovers and go-play-anywhere-in-the-neighborhood-just-get-out-of-my-hair-please. Bottom line: the world is getting uglier and uglier by the day. I just don't trust people when it comes to my kids. They have endured so much hurt and I have no intention of that being repeated in any shape or form. There are a very, and I mean very small few of you who have ever had my kids in your house without me present. That number grows even smaller for having my children sleep there. Please, no offense at all if you don't see my kids in your house. Really. And, if you have, well, then you rank among the angels :) Plus, I love having my birds here in the nest. The things kids can hear, see, and find on unsupervised internet, electronic devices, and literature baffles me. Play here. Be loud. Make a mess (but you better clean it up properly or I'll put you and your toys in time out).
We're that family because we go places together. We grocery shop together. It's actually fun because the kids enjoy it (see, I told you we're strange). We run errands together. I give out lists to the big kids and they take a little kid with them. We work together. As a family. We go out to dinner together. And you know what? My kids behave...because I expect them too. When we have extra time and money I want to enjoy both of them as a family...together. We vacation together. I want to take vacations with my children, not from my children. I'll be the first to say it. There are moments, hours, days even where they drive me absolutely batty. Like poke-my-eyeballs-out-where-is-a-glass-of-wine-batty. But I wouldn't trade my time with them for all the battiness in the world.
We're that family because we support each other's endeavors. I don't care if you've watched six hours of a ballet recital. You're staying to finish the remaining two. I don't care if you've seen every soccer game your brother has ever played in - you'll keep cheering him on...with the right attitude. I don't care if baseball games seem like they drag on for ages and the sand fleas are biting your legs - you'll live. Families support each other. Families are there for each other. I think there is great benefit in learning to be happy for others, for putting your interests aside for the benefit of someone else, and for simply being patient. Talk is cheap. I always tell my children that you can tell someone you love them. But you know it's genuine when you show them. Sacrifice for those you love.
"Little children, let us not love with word and with tongue, but in deed and truth."
- 1 John 3:18
We are that family because we love God. We pray together before we eat together. We teach our children to pray aloud for themselves and for others. We go to church and sit in a pew as a family. Sure, your friends may be right behind us but we sit together. We praise God when we're on a high and we make the conscious effort to still praise Him when we're low. We talk about what God has done and what He can do. We talk a lot about loving others. No matter what lifestyle choices they make. Do we set healthy boundaries? Absolutely. Do we turn to scripture to understand what lifestyle choices God wants us to make? We sure do. But we try (and still fail all the time) to genuinely love others with our words and our actions. We also try to love God first in all the choices we make and are trying to teach our kids to do that too.
" 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' "
- Matthew 22: 37-39
We're that family because we're not perfect. Refer to the beginning. Maybe we're too much family. I don't know. But at the end of the day I want my kids to know that I want them. That they are valued. That they are treasured. That this family is not complete without them...and neither is my heart.
Maybe I'm not preparing them "for the world." I don't know that either. What I do know is that I'm preparing them for eternity. That's what matters to me. I fail everyday. They do too. We proudly claim our new mercies every morning and start fresh. After a cup of coffee, of course :)
What is your take-away (besides the fact that the Ames are happily strange?)? It is this: whatever rhythm works for your family, to keep you together as a family, to build each other up - find it and settle in it. Just make sure you do it as a family for your family. I can't imagine I will ever look back on my life and think "Gee, I wish I would have spent less time with my family."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ71RWJhS_M
Besides the video games, we are that family too! Love it, Sarah! What a joy to hear your heart for your kids and to know that God purposed them for you and you for them. It is beautiful to see.
ReplyDeleteI love that you blog!!! :)