The (Business) Day Before

I didn't like today so much.  I didn't really like yesterday or the day before so much either.  Today is the day that all parties must have their paperwork complete for the court hearing on Monday.  So, the past three days were spent on the phone and on e-mail with each of the workers involved:  the caseworker from our agency, the caseworker from the children's agency, and the caseworker from Virginia.  I have no problem spending time with them giving every single detail about my kids.  I have absolutely no problem running back to our well-kept records of dates, appointments, milestones, behaviors, etc to ensure that every single detail is correct for Monday's hearing.  I want everything to be perfect for them.  I need everything to be perfect for them. 

I do have a problem thinking about it all.

So, what does a Type-A-hates-to-feel-too-much-emotion do?  She stays busy. This week I have tried to make myself extra busy by doing extra house cleaning, preparing extra meals, planning for Christmas, planning vacations, and anything else to take my mind off of Monday.  I was doing very well just resting in His peace.  I was doing very well until all these well-meaning folks need to know information.  I was doing very well until they try to prepare me for the worst.  You see, talking about it makes me think about it.  I have to sit in the reality of it.
At the last court hearing we weren't at all worried.  This was supposed to be a slam-dunk case.  We heard great positivity from everyone involved.  This time, however, it is quite different.  We hear the "let's try to stay positive" sort of comments.  I hate hearing those.  I know what they mean.  I've said them to patients and patients' families before.  You say that when you really have no bloody idea how things are going to turn out.  You say it with sensitivity and hope because you really do care, but nonetheless you just don't know.  Believe you me, I'd much rather be in my lab coat telling my patient to stay positive than be in my bath robe having someone tell that to me.
The part that I don't like the most about this week is that Jordan has been away since Sunday and won't return until Sunday.  I do quite well when he's not here...which is a heck of a lot in his current program.  The kids and I manage fine:  the house stays clean, the meals are still prepared, and everything and everyone is accounted for.  Don't get me wrong - I'd much prefer him around.  I do love that fellow and love it when he's home.  We've just learned to pray for him while he's away and seize every possible moment with him when he's home.  We eagerly count the "sleeps" until Daddy returns again and when he does...watch out - we're selfish!  He is a good man. 
Along with my Dad, Jordan is the most reasonable and level-headed man that I know.  I love the fact that he isn't overly emotional.  I love the fact that he actually thinks with his head before acting or speaking.  I love the fact that he is always grounded despite the situation.  I need that (I think most women do).  This week I miss that.  So thank you to all of you who have filled-in in his absence by allowing me to stay busy with you, by not making me talk about it, by following my lead if I did, and for all the sweet notes, emails, and cards.  I appreciate it and I know he does too.
The hearing is scheduled for 1:30 pm on Monday.  It is a block schedule, though.  This means that it could be heard at 1:30, it could be heard at 3:00.  Regardless, I have made the caseworker who will be present at the hearing promise to call me AS SOON AS she comes out of court.  There is a decent-sized chance that the entire case won't be heard on Monday and they'll have to reconvene on Tuesday. I'm okay with that. Don't worry, she'll still call me on Monday.  We are praying for a decision to be made at the conclusion of the hearing.  Good or bad, we do not want these children to remain in the purgatory-like foster system.  Pray however God leads you to pray.  There are so many different angles.  Just pray for my kids.