Cut the Cord?

As we prepare to welcome Samuel and Benjamin into our lives Jordan and I have been having a lot of "how will this work" talks.  They are somewhat similar to the talks we had before my first four babies came but this time they differ in that we're more experienced (and realistic...no, we cannot read 10 books a day to each child and some days it's okay to not get dressed or do our hair) than we were before and the fact that these babies are teenagers.  Bedtime talks take on a whole different tone when you're talking about a thirteen year old instead of a three year old.  We want to allow Samuel and Benjamin some of the privileges that come with age such as later bedtimes and more outdoor freedoms.  However, as their mother I still want to coddle them, cuddle them, baby them, and care for them.  I want to tuck them in at night (even if it means I have to wake back up to do it), I still want to walk them to their classroom, and I still want to put love notes and smiley faces in their lunch boxes.   I want them to know they are my babies - no matter how tall they are or how old they are.

As we toggle through how'd we like to start off the boys in our home I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to and when to "cut the cord" with our children.  After all, they will be teenagers.   Is it really necessary that I tuck all of my kids in every night and just don't send them up to bed?  Is it necessary that I am the one to wake them up and get them out of bed every morning just so I can be the first to see their face each day?  Is it necessary that I park the car and walk them to the door of their classroom every day?  Is it even necessary that I still call them my babies.

For me the answer is a resounding "NO!"  I could sit here and list all the reasons why it is important that I do these things for children who were not only adopted but adopted older in life.  I could cite all the research and literature that explains the security they find in it and the need to make up for what they didn't have as small children and infants.  However, I want to take a different look at why I have no intentions of cutting the cord.  Not now.  Not ever.

My cord is still fully attached.

To whom?  To my home.  My home in Pennsylvania.  No, I don't mean my childhood home on Lehigh Avenue.  I don't mean only to my mom or dad.  I mean to all of those who love me and to all of those whom I love.

I suppose that's why I come back to good ole' PA nearly every chance I get.  It just doesn't feel right not to be there...especially during the holidays and special times.  You'll often hear me say "this is the last trip for a long time" but that's only because packing for all six of us plus the dogs and driving up is no simple task.  I really have no intention of not coming home.  Not now.  Not ever.

This brings me to my next point.  Why?  Why do I feel so attached?  After some reflection it's easy to see that none of my family or close friends ever tried to cut my cord.  And I've never felt the urge to pull.  My entire life was spent with my immediate family, extended family and family friends.  We didn't only vacation together and spend holidays together but we spent life together.  I ate dinners with Grandma and Grandpa, swam with all my cousins, went fishing with my Uncles, spent weeks at summer camp with my friends, had sleepovers, destroyed my mom's and grandma's kitchens learning to cook, had school project parties at my house...

My parents were strict.  There wasn't much we got away with (unless Papas was the only one home!).  But they always made sure we were loved and always made time for family and friends.  They always worked hard to build REGULAR memories.  Not always big, flashy memories but regular memories. 

For me that was the most important.  Of course I remember the big trips to Disney and the cruises.  Of course I remember the huge birthday parties and concerts.  But my fondest memories are those regular memories of eating dinner together with the five of us, of sitting in church beside my Snyder family, of sleepovers at Aunt Marla's farm, of my crazy mother singing the wake-up-good-morning songs every blasted day, of my daddy sneaking us snacks in bed just because he could, of spending the summer swimming with all of my cousins, of all the projects with Amanda, of walking to my Momica's after junior high school with Jamie and our friends where she'd put out a spread of food fit for a king, of studying for hours on the phone with Jamie, of walking through the halls of high school knowing that my brother would smash anyone who messed with me, of keeping tabs on Kayla when she didn't know I did, walking into Tom and Cynthia's home for the first time (and every time) feeling like I lived there, of shoveling snow with my brother just to earn a cup of hot cocoa from Grandma, of sitting with Elaine Carroll while she patiently taught me and Amanda to crochet,  of taking jello-shots with my grandma on Christmas Eve, of Mr. Laicha pretending to trip over the cord that he swore joined Jamie and I together, of the never-ending love notes in my lunch box...even through high school, of joining my mom while she rigged up Barbie houses for my girlfriends and I, of coming home from college to home-cooked meals...for me and the troop of friends I brought with me, of my dad giving us all rides on the riding lawn mower every single time he cut the grass, of the care packages and prizes my mom and dad sent and still send just so they know I am still their baby.   

There is no part of my life that I cannot remember doing with my family and close family friends.  It is part of who I am.  It is what I want for my children.  I don't ever want them to take a breath without knowing that I love them.  I don't ever want them to take a breath without them knowing I'm their biggest fan.  I want to embed these sweet memories into them.  And I am.  And we are.  I am so grateful for the love that is poured on my children by family and friends.  I am grateful for all of those who go out of their way to visit us here and in PA so my kids can feel the same love I did.  For the Wrights, Whites, Nowells, and Sandoms who are family by love (as opposed to blood) and for all of our family by blood who refuse to cut the cord.  Who instead strengthen the cord.  With love.  All the time.  No matter what.  Just like I am trying to do with not only my children but my nieces, nephews, friends, and family.  With love.  All the time.  No matter what.