Messin' with My Mess

I have gone round and round about writing this post.  I figured I'd either sound like a pompous windbag or a crazy lady ready for the dementia ward.  So, in keeping with my "she must be nuts" profile here it goes...

God's really been messing with me lately.  More specifically He's been messing with my mess.  My mess that I call life.

Wait, what?  You are living the American Dream. 

Exactly - my mess.

I live in a brand-new, beautifully decorated 3400 square foot home.  Families all over the world are struggling to keep a tin shanty or straw hut at best.

I have plenty of food for all six (read: sixty-six) of us - let's not even talk about the quality of food we eat.  People are regularly going to bed starving and children are literally dying of hunger.

I pay my bills on time, every time.  Families live on less than a dollar/day...without electricity, heat, and running water.

I have a husband who adores me just as much as I adore him.  Woman are being abused throughout the entire Earth.

I have four gorgeous children who are my treasures, my heart, and my soul.  So many children are orphaned, mistreated, and unloved.

All six of us have regular medical access, vaccinations, medications, and top-of-the-line medical care.  People are dying of things as "simple" as diarrhea.

We have over 40 coats between the six of us.  The homeless are thankful for a newspaper.

I can praise God without fear, but I so often fear proclaiming His name so I don't offend anyone.  Others are losing their very lives (read: brutually murdered) for the sake of the Gospel.

I serve a God who is madly in love with me, who is full of grace and mercy, who fights on my behalf, who picks me up when I am down, who rejoices in my joys, and who is all I need.  And there are so many who don't know Him or know about Him...quite a few whom with I have daily contact.

This has been hitting me hard.  I can do so much  more for Him.  I can do so much more for others.

But Sarah, you guys have adopted four children and are adopting two more.  Surely, that's enough.

Really, is that enough?  Never in scripture have I read that by fulfilling a certain quota or giving a certain amount of money, or by serving as a volunteer for X number of places that I could do "enough." 

But adopting six kids...

Friends, God has given me a heart for adoption.  It brings me joy to adopt.  That truly is one of the desires of my heart.  While the struggles are great, it still brings me joy.  What I'm talking about are the things that don't necessarily bring me joy or things I don't find it easy to do...like giving up what I have...giving up myself...total surrender.

After reading more scripture and more books (you MUST read "7" by Jen Hatmaker) I have come to realize that I am living in a way that I don't think I (read: me...not you...not the lady down the street...just me) am intended to live.  I can do so much more while still having so much less.  Do I need three winter coats...in North Carolina?  Do I need 4 sets of sheets...for each of our six beds?  Do we need to regularly eat sushi?  Do my girls need the best tutus in their dance class?  Does my son need designer shoes?  Do I need a closet that is bigger than some people's bedrooms?

I don't know.  I really don't know the answer.  What I do know is that there is a tugging inside of me telling me that I can do more...that I am meant for more.  While I write this I am justifying my answers to this.  Here is what is going on in my head:
But I tithe, but I give to the poor, but I volunteer at church, but I always welcome others in  my home, but we will soon have six children, but I pay all my bills, but I bought them on sale, but I have so much less than some others, but I am responsible with what I have, but I sponser a child in an orphanage...  I could literally go on for a page like this.

Please hear me:  I am pointing my finger at no one other than myself.  I know this internal unrest is because a change needs to happen.  I need to be obedient and figure out what it is and do it.  Just the thought of that scares me.  What if I don't want to do what He wants me to do? 

While researching some facts about those in the margins of life I came across a few that greatly impacted me.  Let me leave you with these:

 - 1 billion children suffer from at least one form of severe deprivation of either food, water, or sanitation
- Of the children who age-out of orphanages, 60% of girls become prostitutes and 70% of boys become hardened criminals
- 6,000 children are orphaned by AIDS every single day
- 26,000 children die every day from disease or malnutrition
- Every two seconds an orphan dies of malnutrition
- 95% of all orphans are over the age of five
- If all orphans formed a country of their own, it would be among the 10 largest nations in the world
- Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family to belong and no place to go
- Every day 5,760 more children become orphans
- There are approximately 147 million orphans in the world

Do you get what I'm feeling?  We live in a first would country full of first world problems.  Instead of wondering if we will eat, we wonder where we should eat.  Instead of wondering if we have clothes to wear, we spend an eternity figuring out what to wear from jammed closets and dressers, instead of wondering how we will stay warm, we wonder if we should turn up the heat or turn on the fire-place.  Instead of wondering where we will sleep, we wonder about what show we'll watch while we lay in our comfy beds.  Instead of falling asleep at night wondering if we are loved, we lay our heads down and can easily count people who love us.  Instead of wondering how to spend our last dollar, we stand at the Starbucks counter wondering what to order.

Again - there is absolutely no finger pointing and no sense of condemnation to anyone other than myself.  But I am curious...does anyone feel what I feel?