A Mother's Love

I have so many, many things to write about from my most recent trip to Ethiopia to bring home Samuel and Benjamin.  I've decided it will be best to do it chunk by chunk.  I'll start with what hit me the hardest:

A Tale of a Mother's Love

 

It is customary that the children adopted from the orphanages in Ethiopia are given a good-bye coffee ceremony.  At this ceremony we had the honor and privilege of meeting Samuel and Benjamin's mother.

Her heart humbled me.  Her love amazed me.  Her strength astounded me.

This sweet woman chose to come to her boys' good-bye ceremony, knowing she would likely never see them again.

 

 I know I don't have that strength in me.  I know I don't.

 

The orphanage is a far stretch from a place for children to thrive but she knew it was still much more than she could offer.  She unselfishly surrendered her sweet boys after the death of her husband and the boys' father so that they would remain safe behind the orphanage walls.  Although the food and shelter of the orphanage leave much to be desired she knew it was much better than she could do.  In her own words she stated that at least by placing her boys in the orphanage they had hope...hope that they'd have a better life than she could ever dream of giving them.

 

When we arrived she greeted us like she knew us forever.  She hugged me and kissed me.  She held me tightly.  She continued to thank us for choosing her sons.  She told us it was an honor for her to meet us.

 

I know I couldn't say that to a woman who was taking my sweet babies half way around the world.  I am not that unselfish.  I am not that strong.

 

She told her boys how much she loved them but in the same breath told them that I am their mother.  I deserve their respect and obedience.

 

There's no way I could do that and still stand on my own to feet.  She's a pillar of strength.

 

I did my absolute best to assure her that she will always be their mother.  She will always be a part of them.  I assured her they can love us both.  They can call us both mother.  She hugged me, kissed me, and then dismissed my comment.

 

I'm only keeping it together for the sake of my children and all those others watching me.

 

Ever since we were referred to our sweet boys God has put many people in our path who knew them and know them...people who continually spoke of their good hearts and kind nature.

 

Now I know where they get it.

 

This destitute woman from a third-world country who couldn't speak my language spoke to me in more ways than she'll ever know.  She truly has nothing but love in her heart for her boys.  She could see well beyond her own selfish desires of wanting to be with her children and she put their needs above hers.  She inspires me to love bigger and love better.  I'm not sure I'll ever get over those moments with her.  I know I'll never forget her.

 



Cut the Cord?

As we prepare to welcome Samuel and Benjamin into our lives Jordan and I have been having a lot of "how will this work" talks.  They are somewhat similar to the talks we had before my first four babies came but this time they differ in that we're more experienced (and realistic...no, we cannot read 10 books a day to each child and some days it's okay to not get dressed or do our hair) than we were before and the fact that these babies are teenagers.  Bedtime talks take on a whole different tone when you're talking about a thirteen year old instead of a three year old.  We want to allow Samuel and Benjamin some of the privileges that come with age such as later bedtimes and more outdoor freedoms.  However, as their mother I still want to coddle them, cuddle them, baby them, and care for them.  I want to tuck them in at night (even if it means I have to wake back up to do it), I still want to walk them to their classroom, and I still want to put love notes and smiley faces in their lunch boxes.   I want them to know they are my babies - no matter how tall they are or how old they are.

As we toggle through how'd we like to start off the boys in our home I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to and when to "cut the cord" with our children.  After all, they will be teenagers.   Is it really necessary that I tuck all of my kids in every night and just don't send them up to bed?  Is it necessary that I am the one to wake them up and get them out of bed every morning just so I can be the first to see their face each day?  Is it necessary that I park the car and walk them to the door of their classroom every day?  Is it even necessary that I still call them my babies.

For me the answer is a resounding "NO!"  I could sit here and list all the reasons why it is important that I do these things for children who were not only adopted but adopted older in life.  I could cite all the research and literature that explains the security they find in it and the need to make up for what they didn't have as small children and infants.  However, I want to take a different look at why I have no intentions of cutting the cord.  Not now.  Not ever.

My cord is still fully attached.

To whom?  To my home.  My home in Pennsylvania.  No, I don't mean my childhood home on Lehigh Avenue.  I don't mean only to my mom or dad.  I mean to all of those who love me and to all of those whom I love.

I suppose that's why I come back to good ole' PA nearly every chance I get.  It just doesn't feel right not to be there...especially during the holidays and special times.  You'll often hear me say "this is the last trip for a long time" but that's only because packing for all six of us plus the dogs and driving up is no simple task.  I really have no intention of not coming home.  Not now.  Not ever.

This brings me to my next point.  Why?  Why do I feel so attached?  After some reflection it's easy to see that none of my family or close friends ever tried to cut my cord.  And I've never felt the urge to pull.  My entire life was spent with my immediate family, extended family and family friends.  We didn't only vacation together and spend holidays together but we spent life together.  I ate dinners with Grandma and Grandpa, swam with all my cousins, went fishing with my Uncles, spent weeks at summer camp with my friends, had sleepovers, destroyed my mom's and grandma's kitchens learning to cook, had school project parties at my house...

My parents were strict.  There wasn't much we got away with (unless Papas was the only one home!).  But they always made sure we were loved and always made time for family and friends.  They always worked hard to build REGULAR memories.  Not always big, flashy memories but regular memories. 

For me that was the most important.  Of course I remember the big trips to Disney and the cruises.  Of course I remember the huge birthday parties and concerts.  But my fondest memories are those regular memories of eating dinner together with the five of us, of sitting in church beside my Snyder family, of sleepovers at Aunt Marla's farm, of my crazy mother singing the wake-up-good-morning songs every blasted day, of my daddy sneaking us snacks in bed just because he could, of spending the summer swimming with all of my cousins, of all the projects with Amanda, of walking to my Momica's after junior high school with Jamie and our friends where she'd put out a spread of food fit for a king, of studying for hours on the phone with Jamie, of walking through the halls of high school knowing that my brother would smash anyone who messed with me, of keeping tabs on Kayla when she didn't know I did, walking into Tom and Cynthia's home for the first time (and every time) feeling like I lived there, of shoveling snow with my brother just to earn a cup of hot cocoa from Grandma, of sitting with Elaine Carroll while she patiently taught me and Amanda to crochet,  of taking jello-shots with my grandma on Christmas Eve, of Mr. Laicha pretending to trip over the cord that he swore joined Jamie and I together, of the never-ending love notes in my lunch box...even through high school, of joining my mom while she rigged up Barbie houses for my girlfriends and I, of coming home from college to home-cooked meals...for me and the troop of friends I brought with me, of my dad giving us all rides on the riding lawn mower every single time he cut the grass, of the care packages and prizes my mom and dad sent and still send just so they know I am still their baby.   

There is no part of my life that I cannot remember doing with my family and close family friends.  It is part of who I am.  It is what I want for my children.  I don't ever want them to take a breath without knowing that I love them.  I don't ever want them to take a breath without them knowing I'm their biggest fan.  I want to embed these sweet memories into them.  And I am.  And we are.  I am so grateful for the love that is poured on my children by family and friends.  I am grateful for all of those who go out of their way to visit us here and in PA so my kids can feel the same love I did.  For the Wrights, Whites, Nowells, and Sandoms who are family by love (as opposed to blood) and for all of our family by blood who refuse to cut the cord.  Who instead strengthen the cord.  With love.  All the time.  No matter what.  Just like I am trying to do with not only my children but my nieces, nephews, friends, and family.  With love.  All the time.  No matter what.

Africa

So I went to Africa with my sister to meet my sweet sons, Samuel and Benjamin (names they chose).  I was told this trip was going to rock my world and I figured it would.  After all, meeting my four children for the first time rocked my world.  But I was clueless as to exactly much how it would rock my world.

 

Despite all the conversations I have had with those who made this journey, despite all the literature I read and all the education requirements I completed, I was completely unprepared.

 

 

 

First and foremost I left with an injured heart.  I knew leaving my children would be hard on me but I truly had no idea how hard it actually would be. The entire trip my heart yearned for their squeaky voices and sticky hands.  Up until that point that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.  Little did I know a week later I would top that with the new hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life:  leaving my two children, Samuel and Benjamin, in the squalor they call home.

 

Enter:  Experience and thoughts of my trip

 

1.  The city of Addis Ababa:  I have traveled quite a bit but I've never been to a capital of a third-world country.  I truly felt I was in another world.  Perhaps in some ways I was.  Animals roam the city freely.  Cows, goats, sheep, pigs, donkeys, cats...they all roam about shops, streets, highways, and driveways as though they have not a care in the world.  People roam the city freely.  Older folks, younger folks, homeless folks, and children (very young children) all roam about the shops, streets, highways, and driveways as though they have not a care in the world.

You can't breathe.  The air is filled with smoke, smog, dust, and disease.  The sick were strewn about the sides of the roads, clearly in agony.  Our only chance to breathe fresh air was in our guest house, which was kept very clean.

The city isn't safe.  Or at least not the safe that I'd like.  Any reputable establishment like our guest house (which they aren't very many) have 10-15' barbed wire fences surrounding them with 24 hour/day guards standing at the gate.  Pretty much all other buildings are made of tin or of tarp...or some combination of both.

 

2.  The people of Addis Ababa:  There are three main groups of people we came across:  the scandalous people, the honest people, and the children.  Many people are scandalous.  They are out to hustle you and only look out for themselves and their own.  Then there are the honest people.  Our host and our escort were wonderfully honest people with great hearts (Praise God).  We felt safe when with our escort and our host made us feel like part of the family.  The children, oh the children.  I'll make a separate point for the sweet children.

 

3.  The food of Addis Ababa:  I'm not a fan of the food.  If I never taste, see, or smell injera (the National Food) again in my life I'll be thrilled.  Our host, though, was a great cook.  She did her best with what she had.  Fruits and vegetables are hard to acquire.  For them, the quality ones that are safe for us "Fragile Americans" (yes, we along with the French are considered fragile folk) are expensive and difficult to get.  They aren't as clean as we need them to be for our bodies to safely tolerate.  Refrigeration is also an issue with poor electricity and small units so dairy is out.  In a day about 85% of what I consume is a fruit, a vegetable, or dairy.  So my body was in quite a tizzy.  I hate bananas.  I actually can't stand them.  I haven't eaten them as long as anyone can remember.  But, when our host came to us with fresh bananas guess what...I ate the bananas.  Almost every day :) I gagged but I did it.  And my body loved it.

A few times we were out and about so long that we missed our lunch at our guest house so our escort would take us to a "safe" restaurant.  It was amazing at how many he drove past, went into and then walked out of, or totally just waved off before he found one that was safe enough and clean enough for us.  A few times we even ate a place and he would tell us certain items on the menu were okay but other ones were not.  It's that bad.

 

4.  The accommodations of Addis Ababa:  The place we stayed is considered "high society."  It's safe, it's clean, it has electricity (sort of) and it has plumbing (sort of).  We still couldn't drink the water, plug in our hair dryer AND have the lights on, or take a hot...or even really warm...shower.  There was no heating or no air (which lead to us wearing our airplane socks all week!).  There were no screens on the windows.  And this place is one of the good ones.  Hear me:  we truly loved our guest house and were so blessed by all they did to make us fragile folk comfortable.  But in comparison to what we are used to we felt as though we were camping a bit.  Will we stay there again - most definitely.  There is no way we could top the safety and love from our host.

 

5.  The orphanages of Addis Ababa:  We traveled to a few different orphanages.  Though some are much cleaner than others and some are much better staffed than others, and though some have more funding than others they are still orphanages.  I'm not sure exactly how much I am "allowed" to say on a public domain but hear me loudly and clearly:  I wouldn't bury my worst enemy in that place let alone raise a child there.  What we saw...or what we didn't see...was unbelievable.  My mind and heart are forever changed.  The play areas (or lack thereof), the beds (or lack thereof), the clothing (or lack thereof),  the shoes (or lack thereof), the food (or lack thereof), the hygiene areas (or lack thereof)...all I can do is shake my head and pray that every child is adopted.  Adopted quickly.

 

6.  The children of Addis Ababa:  I will never know how the children are as genuinely sweet and loving as they are after living in such conditions.  There is so much joy in each one of their little hearts.  What I was most amazed at is how well they take care of each other.  Each day we brought a meal and/or fresh produce and juice for the children.  None of the older children would take any food until all the younger children were served.  None of the older children would eat any of their food until the younger children had started eating.  We took gifts, games, and other doo-dads each day.  The older children passed out the goodies to the little ones and would take what was left.  One day I gave Samuel and Benjamin their sunglasses Benjamin whispered in my ear "Mommy, come back with more" and he pointed to everyone else.  So, the next day we came back with more.  Samuel and Benjamin would speak of their love and friendship with each of the children there and then sadly say "They don't have a family" as if they were begging me to find them one.

The children love to laugh, they love to play, and they love to hug.  We were greeted and sent-off each day with dozens of hugs and kisses.  The children captured my and my sister's hearts.  They taught us so many lessons.  The most important thing they taught us is that they are real.  Very real.

 

 

You can read about, look at, support, sponsor, or pray for the orphans (all which are great things and greatly needed) but until you see them, smell them, hold them, hug them, comfort them, feed them, clothe them, and kiss them you don't really know how real they are.

 

 

For those of you who have sent and are sending donations for food, Bibles, and clothing and for those of you who have sponsored a child for our next visit -THANK YOU.  I wish you knew how much you are blessing those children.  Their little eyes absolutely just light up when they know someone else cares about them...when someone else thinks they are special.

 

If you have any questions at all or are curious about adoption please ask.  I'm happy to inform and educate no matter what decision you may make.  The more people who know about these sweet kids the better a chance they have of finding a home.  I cannot post pictures of all the children on my blog...only my own.  But I can show you privately.  They are all gifts - just like all children.

 

Thanks to many of you we took 200 lbs of donations and enough money to buy them healthy food for one meal each day

The view from our balcony.  You will see some of the building close by are decent and guarded.  A bit down the road you will see the tin/tarp shacks that people actually live in without electricity or plumbing.

A view of how folks just walk in the streets, unfinished buildings, and no proper roads

One of the many street corners where people just gather and wait for the day to be over.  You'll see the unfinished building in the background with sticks for scaffolding.

My sweet boys, Samuel and Benjamin.

Benjamin and Samuel donning their new clothes, backpacks, hates, and sunglasses.

The boys with Aunt KayKay (they were thrilled with stickers and put them all over their shirts and bodies...and so did all the other children!)

A mother and her sons

Samuel trying to teach me an ethnic dance. 

The washing station at the orphanage...where everything that needs washed is washed.

The boys on their beds.  The children share these single beds.  Older children are paired with younger children.

The boys with their Amharic Christian Bibles.  A big shout out to a special sponsor who sent enough  money to ensure all the children of age can receive their own Bible. 

This shot captures Benjamin perfectly...a fun loving wild man!

Benjamin and Aunt KayKay

Not a lovely shot but Benjamin was sure excited to eat his first hamburger!

Samuel was equally as excited to eat his first hamburger.  This was also all the children's first experience with strawberries.  They LOVED them...but needed instruction not to eat the greens :)  The juice boxes were a huge hit too.  You'll see the whites of their eyes are yellowed (true for all the children).  We hope we put a dent in the nutrition deficiencies that week.  A special shout out to another few special sponsors who have sent enough donations to ensure the children can have more than one healthy meal a day!

Going bananas for bananas!

Thanks to another sponsor who funded an orphanage pizza party one of the days.  It was a HUGE hit!









 



I know a secret...

...We're nearing the end of deployment!

Soon my children will wake up in the morning and their daddy will be home, giving them the surprise of a life time.  Happy sigh :)  Boy, have we missed that man.

What I wanted to do (and still plan on doing in this blog) is give a picture roll of all the fun we've had while daddy's been away and give thanks to all of those who continue to support me without fail.

First, though, after hearing little comments here and there while Jordan has been away I think it is important for me to say that

I am not superwoman.

 though I'd like to be

 

I have no super powers that allow me to maintain my home and raise my children and pay my bills on time.  I have no secret force of assistants or army of ants (well, Riley you do come close buddy!) that do my chores.  I don't always manage my emotions on the inside the way it looks on the outside.

 

I am a mistake-making human.

no matter how hard I try

 

I certainly know that I have been gifted with certain traits that make being a military wife and mother of four six much easier.  I am organized, driven, pro-active, and independent.  I can keep my emotions in check (most of the time) and I generally am not affected by what others think.  I'll tell you my secret, though, on how I manage so well

 

I am a child of the one true King.

and I believe that

 

See, it looks like I run this show solo but truthfully I don't.  My Father knows it all.  He knows when I've had enough.  He knows when I need rest.  He knows when I'm in pain.  He knows when I miss Jordan so bad it physically hurts.  He knows when I'm at my wits-end and could use a pick-me-up.  He is always there for me to lean on His everlasting arms and wrap me up tightly.

 

Yes, I am Jordan's wife.  Yes, I am the mother of six beautiful children.  Yes, I am an SLP.  I am many things and wear many hats like we all do.  But I have learned not to find my identity in those titles.  All those things can be taken from me, either temporarily or permanently.  I try to remain focused that I am the child of the one true King.  The only One who will always be there for  me without fail.  The one who knows when I need help and sends my friends and family to my aid when I need it most through their kind actions, visits, calls, and cards.  That's how I made it through deployment successfully...that's how I make it through every day.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dUsbE5de4w

Take a minute and listen, you won't regret it!

 



 

Now, for the picture roll of fun :)
(sorry, there are about a million)

 

 

My happy crew the Sunday after Daddy left (they knew we were going out for lunch!)

 

My sweet (and first) niece, Elena, was born.  I love that baby.

I painted our entire house...minus the entryway.

Fun with Mason

Tina came down to visit me and the kids.  Despite having a family and a career she always makes time for us.  I'm grateful for her friendship, advice, and her sweet babies :)  She keeps me grounded and makes me laugh.  The good Lord knew what he was doing when he introduced us...two peas in a pod!

 

Movie night!

Had my first solo drive to PA with four kids and two dogs for a quick Easter weekend (they slept like that the whole way thanks to doggie-sedatives!)

Annual Rutherford Easter Egg Hunt

First FaceTime with daddy on Easter morning!!!

 

Joseph's first taste of baseball...

 While my girls played in the mud :)

Great Grandma made it down for a long weekend with Grammy and Grandpa.

Noah's Ark Photo Shoot

Two lovely ladies, Alyssa and Sheila, came down for a week and helped me with some house projects.  I'm so thankful for their servants hearts.

 

Building shelves in our storage area

and mulching my entire yard - thanks, ladies!

I was blessed to spend some time with sweet Victoria who kept me company while my kids were at school.  This baby is full of absolute JOY.

 

 Uncle Buddy, Aunt Tina, Baby Elena, Miss Amanda, and Abby all came down for a long weekend

The girls played...

 

While Uncle Buddy took Joseph to Boy Scout Camp...
(isn't that a good brother!)

and Brookie hid in her doggie snuggie - too many kids for the old girl!

 Joseph's first EVER baseball game

 Proud Momma

His team went on to win the championship!
(we were able to send videos of him to all the grandparents, aunts, and uncles!)

 My girls had their first EVER dance recital

 And Dance Queen, Aunt "Nannie" could make it...

and do all the make-up!

Of course, Miss Priss had to have her Uncle Chris there or she wouldn't dance :)

 Family photo shoot special at the Jacksonville Train Station

My little sissy...don't know what I'd do without her <3

I am blessed to call this woman friend.  Annie is the most giving and generous person I've ever met.  She anticipates my needs before I do and strives to meet them before I realize I need help.  We don't let the 600+ miles stand between regular visits.  We have great plans of retiring together some day.

 

Brea graduated from Pre-K

(Thank you, Noah's Ark, for taking exceptionally great care my of babies)

 Last day of school!
(little did they know I was picking them up early to head to PA for two weeks!)

"School's Out" care package from Annie...wise woman, huh?!?!  I'm so thankful for all of her thoughtfulness during this deployment.  She's well-known for her awesome care packages and cards just when I need them most.

 Grammy made sure even the dogs had fun in PA

My birthday boy

 The girls and their Grammy

 Sweet baby Elena

Crazy Grammy putting bubbles in the pool!!!

(thanks again for letting us destroy visit your house for two weeks!)

 

Hooray for the first day of Summer Camp!

But sneaky Mom still made us do "Mommy Summer School"

 Fourth of July fun

I'm forever indebted to our neighbors' son, Riley.  This sweet kid mowed my grass nearly all summer without me ever asking, he helped me out with the kids many times when I had late-night meetings, and always did so with a smile on his face.  Thanks, Riley!!!

 

My childhood friend, Amanda, and her family invited us to spend the week with them in Duck, NC.  We were so grateful for the chance to visit with them, break-up our summer, let the kids play, and for Amanda and I to spend time together.  We were blessed by their generosity and thankful for the time with them.

 I sure wish Abby and Amanda lived closer to each other.  They were BFF's for the week.

Amanda also LOVED Abby's Grandma :)

 

 Our mommies let us have ice cream!!

 Sissy love

 20 years ago we had our picture taken like this in OCMD

The little girl dinner table

My longest friend of 30 years

 My two favorite Amandas

 

 Special thanks to Jimmy and Jordan S. for giving Joseph some extra "man attention" that week.

 My sister and I flew to Ethiopia to legally adopt my sons, Samuel and Benjamin
(I'll blog about that trip later...I'm still wrapping my head around it all)

Samuel (right) and Benjamin (left)

Samuel (left) and Benjamin (right)

 Aunk KayKay, Samuel, Momma, and Benjamin

 

"Near the End of Deployment" care package from Annie

Family vacation with Grammy, Grandpa, Uncle Buddy, and Zia

Please don't go, Grandpa!

We have a few more visits of fun coming up:  Aunt Tina and her family are coming to the beach for a week, Jordan's parents are coming for a visit, and a sweet family we had the privilege of meeting through adoption are also coming into town.

After all that fun...nothing seems better then welcoming home the man we love most!
(Shhhh, don't tell the kids!)