I'm Tall Enough...

...please stop stretching me!

If ever I have felt the growing pains of faith, it sure is now.  You know, I thought I knew what it felt to grow and mature - both in life and in faith - but this is a completely different monster.  I'll be the first to admit that I like to rely on myself.  I like knowing that I can plan myself through anything life throws at me.  In fact, I have done this successfully for 28 years.  However, now it is a different story.  My Type-A, over-acheiving, perfectly-planning, detail-oriented, nothing-can-get-the-best-of-me personality is being shaken around like a little rag doll.  I am being stretched in ways I didn't know I could be.  To be quite honest, I'm not always enjoying it either; it hurts.

Over that past 17 months I have personally developed a new definition of the word faith.  Aside from the fact that we have been waiting for children, I truly think God has used this time in my life to teach me about faith.  Before, I'd like to say that I had faith, and I know that I did, but not in the way that I do now.  Before this whole process my faith was very religiously based.  What I mean by that is I would tell you that I had faith I was going to heaven because of my salvation, I had faith that God keeps His promises, I had faith that what the Bible said was true, etc., etc.  But my faith was not life based.  I always kept a degree of control in my own hands by preparing for anything that may come up:  I studied hard in school so I would get good grades, I strategically planned my major with internships and shadowing so I would get a good job, I saved my money and kept a tight budget so I could pay all my bills, etc...get the picture?  Everything that I did, I had some degree of control in the matter.

Let me tell you folks, I have had NO CONTROL over our family-planning.  If you have heard how we came to the decision to adopt you'll remember it took me a good 6 months to come to truly accept that we were being called to do this.  But now...now...I can't think of it any other way.  I have had to live out the faith I thought I had.  I always have been a fast learner but in this case I am not.  Why?  Because I have had to let go of the control I have always liked to keep.  For me, true faith is knowing that I can trust God to work this process through to perfect completion AND letting Him do it His way.  Whew, I said it...I admitted it.  And now I am learning it...every single day since August 2009 I am learning it in a new and very real way. (Don't worry, I'm still a very happy plan whatever I can kind of person...exhibit A: the excel spreadsheet I have of everything we will need to do and buy for the kids - hehehe)

There are days, more often than not, that I am physically exhausted just from feeling feelings.  Both my body and my mind are tired.  I'm overwhelmed with a myriad of feelings that change by the hour.  I am constantly praying for the health and safety of our children, I am earnestly praying for a perfect match, and I am ceaselessly begging for a speedy adoption.  To top it off we might hear great, exciting news one day and then not hear anything for days.  We might find a group we really like and then find out they are no longer available.  We've been presented with groups that are very different from others we have had before, we're putting our life on hold without trying to put our life on hold waiting for these kids - our kids.  The ups and downs of this process are unreal.

What I do know, though, is that when they come, they will be the perfect kids for us and they'll come at the perfect time for us.  I am confident in this.  I find peace and comfort in this.  But I still want my babies soon - preferably by Christmas...which leads me to my next point:

There still is a small chance that we can be matched with our kids before Christmas.  As the time gets shorter, the bigger the miracle it will have to be.  It can happen - it still can happen.  We read these verses in church this morning (thank you, Pastor Dan) and I came up with an idea.  We'll call it:

"It's 5 o'clock Somewhere..."

The verses read:  "...You also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many."  2 Corinthians 1:11
Whether you are the praying sort of person or the not praying sort of person, I at least know that you are the "we love Sarah and Jordan" sort of person.  So, we're asking you that at 5:00 each day (either am or pm) shoot up a little prayer for us and our kids.  It can be short or long, loud or quiet, quick or slow, English or Spanish...either way, I know it will get to the right person!  If your not sure what to say, let us give you some ideas:
- health and safety of our kids
- happiness of our kids
- perfect matching process
- continued patience for the process
- match before Christmas (Sarah's selfish wish)
- thanks for all of the support we have from family and friends - Yes, we are so thankful for each of you!
- preparation of us for when the kids come: emotionally, logistically, financially, etc.
- thanks for our caseworker's endless emails and phone calls
- wisdom for all caseworkers involved
- thanks in advance for the perfect match at the perfect time

We thank you in advance for participating in the "It's 5 o'clock somewhere prayer" for us and our kids.  We know that only great things can come from this.  You'll see...I sure have!

Until we update again, I'll meet you at 5:00 (yes, Sheldon, I"ll be up with you at 5:00 am!).  Maybe, just maybe I'll have my babies for Christmas...