Making The Choice To Love

(Note:  This wasn't meant to be my next blog.  I just really felt compelled to write it.  Almost as if someone (perhaps me) needed to read it.)

My dad is a man of very little words.  Very little.  I never remember having long talks with him.  I never remember sitting up late at night and talking about life and love.  I still don't.  But that doesn't mean he didn't teach me a lot about life and about loving.  Some of my biggest lessons on life and love were by watching my dad live and love those in it.  He didn't have to say much to teach much...instead he did much.  When he did say something, though, I knew I had better listen.

Enter:  A Lesson from Dad

It was summer of 2006.  I was pretty high on life at the time.  I was in grad school living in a cozy little apartment with my best friend, Annie.  I had a fantastic group of friends, great grades, a good job, and a new boyfriend (Jordan).

I remember sitting with Annie on the front porch one afternoon when the mail truck came.  It actually stopped at our apartment (weird) and delivered mail to me (even weirder).  It was a letter from my dad (even weirder yet) addressed to me in his own handwriting (okay, he must be dying).  Usually the "Happy Birthday daughter cards" and the "we miss you cards" were written and signed by my mom from my dad.  Hmm.  Strange.

Confused and slightly worried I open the letter to find only a church bulletin and a note that read something along the lines of:  "Sukies, Thought you could use this.  Love, Papas"

In the bulletin were the notes my dad had taken on the sermon that week titled "Valuing Love."  I read it, tucked it back in the envelope and put it in my keepsakes box.

Maybe my dad believed me when I told him I was going to marry Jordan.  Maybe not.  I don't know why he mailed it.  Of course, we never talked about it :)

All I know is that I still have it, still refer to it, and still use the wisdom from that sermon (Thanks, Gordy!) every single day of my life.

It's not easy being married to a Marine.  It's even harder being married to a Marine who works hard to set the example he expects from those he leads.  It's even harder yet to be married to a Marine who is deployed or away at training nearly half of the time.  You know what, it's not always easy being married.  Period. Two imperfect, flawed people get married and expect to have a perfect, flawless marriage.  Right.

It's not easy being an adoptive mother.  It's even harder being a mother when you're not your children's only mother that they remember.  You know what, it's not always easy being a mother.  Period.  No matter how your children come to you, it's not always easy being a mother.

Here are the pictures of that sermon outline that clearly defines what love is:

Is it easy to love my husband when our opinions differ?  No.  But my love for him is not just the feeling that I'm feeling in that moment.  Is it easy to love my husband when I can't see him for six months of the year.  Not always.  But my love for him is a choice.  Is it easy to love my  husband when I'm angry.  No.  But my love for him is not uncontrollable, it's a matter of conduct.  I can choose to love him despite external and internal circumstances.  I must choose to love him despite external and internal circumstances.

Is it easy to love my children when they repeat the same behavior over and over (and over) again?  Not at all.  But my love for them must be patient.  Is it easy to love my children when the baggage of their past weighs us both down?  Heavens no.  But my love for them doesn't quit.  Is it easy to love my children when I'm tired and worn but they still need me to be their momma?  Nope.  But my love for them cannot be selfish.  I must choose to love them despite external and internal circumstances.

Despite whatever I am feeling or despite however they behave I will choose to love my husband and children.  Do I always succeed?  No.  There have been many times where my feelings have gotten in the way of my love for them.  But, my mercies are new every morning.  I pray for God's love to fill me so I can fill them.  I pray that I can continue to choose to love them despite any feeling, situation, or obstacle that comes our way.  I pray that I can continue to love them and they can see that love.  I pray that I can choose to love everyone I meet.  I'm a long way from that but I'm working on it.

Keep loving, my friends.  Love when you're tired.  Love when you're worn.  Love when you're angry.  Love when you're hurt.  Love when you're confused.  Love with a love that doesn't come from us.  Love with a love from the one who loves us best.