As we prepare to welcome Samuel and Benjamin into our lives
Jordan and I have been having a lot of "how will this work"
talks. They are somewhat similar to the
talks we had before my first four babies came but this time they differ in that
we're more experienced (and realistic...no, we cannot read 10 books a day to
each child and some days it's okay to not get dressed or do our hair) than we
were before and the fact that these babies are teenagers. Bedtime talks take on a whole different tone
when you're talking about a thirteen year old instead of a three year old. We want to allow Samuel and Benjamin some of
the privileges that come with age such as later bedtimes and more outdoor
freedoms. However, as their mother I
still want to coddle them, cuddle them, baby them, and care for them. I want to tuck them in at night (even if it
means I have to wake back up to do it), I still want to walk them to their
classroom, and I still want to put love notes and smiley faces in their lunch
boxes. I want them to know they are my babies - no
matter how tall they are or how old they are.
As we toggle through how'd we like to start off the boys in
our home I've been doing a lot of thinking about how to and when to "cut
the cord" with our children. After
all, they will be teenagers. Is it
really necessary that I tuck all of my kids in every night and just don't send
them up to bed? Is it necessary that I
am the one to wake them up and get them out of bed every morning just so I can
be the first to see their face each day?
Is it necessary that I park the car and walk them to the door of their
classroom every day? Is it even
necessary that I still call them my babies.
For me the answer is a resounding "NO!" I could sit here and list all the reasons why
it is important that I do these things for children who were not only adopted
but adopted older in life. I could cite
all the research and literature that explains the security they find in it and
the need to make up for what they didn't have as small children and infants. However, I want to take a different look at
why I have no intentions of cutting the cord.
Not now. Not ever.
My cord is still fully attached.
To whom? To my
home. My home in Pennsylvania. No, I don't mean my childhood home on Lehigh
Avenue. I don't mean only to my mom or
dad. I mean to all of those who love me
and to all of those whom I love.
I suppose that's why I come back to good ole' PA nearly
every chance I get. It just doesn't feel
right not to be there...especially during the holidays and special times. You'll often hear me say "this is the
last trip for a long time" but that's only because packing for all six of
us plus the dogs and driving up is no simple task. I really have no intention of not coming
home. Not now. Not ever.
This brings me to my next point. Why?
Why do I feel so attached? After
some reflection it's easy to see that none of my family or close friends ever
tried to cut my cord. And I've never
felt the urge to pull. My entire life
was spent with my immediate family, extended family and family friends. We didn't only vacation together and spend
holidays together but we spent life together.
I ate dinners with Grandma and Grandpa, swam with all my cousins, went
fishing with my Uncles, spent weeks at summer camp with my friends, had
sleepovers, destroyed my mom's and grandma's kitchens learning to cook, had
school project parties at my house...
My parents were strict.
There wasn't much we got away with (unless Papas was the only one
home!). But they always made sure we
were loved and always made time for family and friends. They always worked hard to build REGULAR
memories. Not always big, flashy
memories but regular memories.
For me that was the most important. Of course I remember the big trips to Disney
and the cruises. Of course I remember
the huge birthday parties and concerts.
But my fondest memories are those regular memories of eating dinner
together with the five of us, of sitting in church beside my Snyder family, of
sleepovers at Aunt Marla's farm, of my crazy mother singing the
wake-up-good-morning songs every blasted day, of my daddy sneaking us snacks in
bed just because he could, of spending the summer swimming with all of my
cousins, of all the projects with Amanda, of walking to my Momica's after
junior high school with Jamie and our friends where she'd put out a spread of
food fit for a king, of studying for hours on the phone with Jamie, of walking
through the halls of high school knowing that my brother would smash anyone who
messed with me, of keeping tabs on Kayla when she didn't know I did, walking
into Tom and Cynthia's home for the first time (and every time) feeling like I
lived there, of shoveling snow with my brother just to earn a cup of hot cocoa
from Grandma, of sitting with Elaine Carroll while she patiently taught me and
Amanda to crochet, of taking jello-shots
with my grandma on Christmas Eve, of Mr. Laicha pretending to trip over the
cord that he swore joined Jamie and I together, of the never-ending love notes
in my lunch box...even through high school, of joining my mom while she rigged
up Barbie houses for my girlfriends and I, of coming home from college to
home-cooked meals...for me and the troop of friends I brought with me, of my
dad giving us all rides on the riding lawn mower every single time he cut the
grass, of the care packages and prizes my mom and dad sent and still send just
so they know I am still their baby.
There is no part of my life that I cannot remember doing
with my family and close family friends.
It is part of who I am. It is
what I want for my children. I don't
ever want them to take a breath without knowing that I love them. I don't ever want them to take a breath
without them knowing I'm their biggest fan.
I want to embed these sweet memories into them. And I am.
And we are. I am so grateful for
the love that is poured on my children by family and friends. I am grateful for all of those who go out of
their way to visit us here and in PA so my kids can feel the same love I
did. For the Wrights, Whites, Nowells,
and Sandoms who are family by love (as opposed to blood) and for all of our
family by blood who refuse to cut the cord.
Who instead strengthen the cord.
With love. All the time. No matter what. Just like I am trying to do with not only my
children but my nieces, nephews, friends, and family. With love.
All the time. No matter what.
