I'm preparing to meet my [new] children. For the first time.
This isn't my first rodeo but it sure feels like it.
I still vividly remember meeting my four children for the first time. I still remember exactly how I felt, exactly how the looked and smelled, exactly what we each wore, and exactly every moment of that encounter. I remember how I felt leading up to that day.
This time it is so different.
I think it is because my heart is in three different places.
My heart is in [name that country] where my husband is. I worry about his well-being and I long for his embrace. I deeply desire his comfort and reassurance during this transition. He does his absolute best to provide it from afar but nonetheless a large part of my heart remains with him.
My heart is in Ethiopia. I love my sweet boys so much. I worry daily for their health and pray for an easy transition into our family and country/culture. My heart aches that they haven't had a mother or father in so long...and that they are old enough to realize it. I cannot wait to show them how very much they are loved and wanted. I cannot wait to show them that they are my irreplaceable treasure.
My heart is in North Carolina. I have absolutely NO desire to leave my children. The longest I have ever left them was two nights. Even that was torture. Say what you will but I have no intentions of leaving them unless I absolutely have to. I don't need a break from them. I don't need a night off. They are my heart. They drive my crazy some days but none the less I hate being separated from them. They hate the fact that I'm leaving even though they are excited about the reason. They adore their Grammy and their Uncle Buddy but they still are fearful of my absence. Some say it's healthy to leave them but given their background I don't care. It's my job as their parent to protect them and make them feel comfortable. They are fragile and require special considerations. Call me crazy but I truly don't care if they live with me forever. I tell them that daily. I've never felt as protective over them as I have over anything. I suspect it will be the same for my new babies too. They all have had a rough start to life and I will do everything in my power to make them feel secure and comfortable every day that I have breath. Between my mom, my brother, and my sweet neighbor, Heather, I know that they are in the best hands possible but my heart remains with them. (I have also prepared a 14 page document so no detail is over looked...sorry mother!!) I hate leaving them.
Since Jordan isn't home my dear sister is travelling with me. There aren't many people I think I could make this journey with but thankfully my sister is one of them. I'll be an emotional wreck and I'll need someone who understands me and will love me anyway. After all, my heart is in three places. I'm thankful for her company and grateful for her support.
I'm thankful for the scads and scads of donations for the orphanage from family and friends...especially from Aunt Tina, Aunt Nannie, Miss Amanda, and Pam Zerbe. They will be well-equipped with school supplies, toiletries, first aid, and clothing.
Stay-tuned. Our court hearing is Wednesday. If all goes well the boys will be legally ours after that hearing. I'll be able to post pictures and share their names.
This is one adventure that I'm sure will rock my world.
