I know a secret...

...We're nearing the end of deployment!

Soon my children will wake up in the morning and their daddy will be home, giving them the surprise of a life time.  Happy sigh :)  Boy, have we missed that man.

What I wanted to do (and still plan on doing in this blog) is give a picture roll of all the fun we've had while daddy's been away and give thanks to all of those who continue to support me without fail.

First, though, after hearing little comments here and there while Jordan has been away I think it is important for me to say that

I am not superwoman.

 though I'd like to be

 

I have no super powers that allow me to maintain my home and raise my children and pay my bills on time.  I have no secret force of assistants or army of ants (well, Riley you do come close buddy!) that do my chores.  I don't always manage my emotions on the inside the way it looks on the outside.

 

I am a mistake-making human.

no matter how hard I try

 

I certainly know that I have been gifted with certain traits that make being a military wife and mother of four six much easier.  I am organized, driven, pro-active, and independent.  I can keep my emotions in check (most of the time) and I generally am not affected by what others think.  I'll tell you my secret, though, on how I manage so well

 

I am a child of the one true King.

and I believe that

 

See, it looks like I run this show solo but truthfully I don't.  My Father knows it all.  He knows when I've had enough.  He knows when I need rest.  He knows when I'm in pain.  He knows when I miss Jordan so bad it physically hurts.  He knows when I'm at my wits-end and could use a pick-me-up.  He is always there for me to lean on His everlasting arms and wrap me up tightly.

 

Yes, I am Jordan's wife.  Yes, I am the mother of six beautiful children.  Yes, I am an SLP.  I am many things and wear many hats like we all do.  But I have learned not to find my identity in those titles.  All those things can be taken from me, either temporarily or permanently.  I try to remain focused that I am the child of the one true King.  The only One who will always be there for  me without fail.  The one who knows when I need help and sends my friends and family to my aid when I need it most through their kind actions, visits, calls, and cards.  That's how I made it through deployment successfully...that's how I make it through every day.

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dUsbE5de4w

Take a minute and listen, you won't regret it!

 



 

Now, for the picture roll of fun :)
(sorry, there are about a million)

 

 

My happy crew the Sunday after Daddy left (they knew we were going out for lunch!)

 

My sweet (and first) niece, Elena, was born.  I love that baby.

I painted our entire house...minus the entryway.

Fun with Mason

Tina came down to visit me and the kids.  Despite having a family and a career she always makes time for us.  I'm grateful for her friendship, advice, and her sweet babies :)  She keeps me grounded and makes me laugh.  The good Lord knew what he was doing when he introduced us...two peas in a pod!

 

Movie night!

Had my first solo drive to PA with four kids and two dogs for a quick Easter weekend (they slept like that the whole way thanks to doggie-sedatives!)

Annual Rutherford Easter Egg Hunt

First FaceTime with daddy on Easter morning!!!

 

Joseph's first taste of baseball...

 While my girls played in the mud :)

Great Grandma made it down for a long weekend with Grammy and Grandpa.

Noah's Ark Photo Shoot

Two lovely ladies, Alyssa and Sheila, came down for a week and helped me with some house projects.  I'm so thankful for their servants hearts.

 

Building shelves in our storage area

and mulching my entire yard - thanks, ladies!

I was blessed to spend some time with sweet Victoria who kept me company while my kids were at school.  This baby is full of absolute JOY.

 

 Uncle Buddy, Aunt Tina, Baby Elena, Miss Amanda, and Abby all came down for a long weekend

The girls played...

 

While Uncle Buddy took Joseph to Boy Scout Camp...
(isn't that a good brother!)

and Brookie hid in her doggie snuggie - too many kids for the old girl!

 Joseph's first EVER baseball game

 Proud Momma

His team went on to win the championship!
(we were able to send videos of him to all the grandparents, aunts, and uncles!)

 My girls had their first EVER dance recital

 And Dance Queen, Aunt "Nannie" could make it...

and do all the make-up!

Of course, Miss Priss had to have her Uncle Chris there or she wouldn't dance :)

 Family photo shoot special at the Jacksonville Train Station

My little sissy...don't know what I'd do without her <3

I am blessed to call this woman friend.  Annie is the most giving and generous person I've ever met.  She anticipates my needs before I do and strives to meet them before I realize I need help.  We don't let the 600+ miles stand between regular visits.  We have great plans of retiring together some day.

 

Brea graduated from Pre-K

(Thank you, Noah's Ark, for taking exceptionally great care my of babies)

 Last day of school!
(little did they know I was picking them up early to head to PA for two weeks!)

"School's Out" care package from Annie...wise woman, huh?!?!  I'm so thankful for all of her thoughtfulness during this deployment.  She's well-known for her awesome care packages and cards just when I need them most.

 Grammy made sure even the dogs had fun in PA

My birthday boy

 The girls and their Grammy

 Sweet baby Elena

Crazy Grammy putting bubbles in the pool!!!

(thanks again for letting us destroy visit your house for two weeks!)

 

Hooray for the first day of Summer Camp!

But sneaky Mom still made us do "Mommy Summer School"

 Fourth of July fun

I'm forever indebted to our neighbors' son, Riley.  This sweet kid mowed my grass nearly all summer without me ever asking, he helped me out with the kids many times when I had late-night meetings, and always did so with a smile on his face.  Thanks, Riley!!!

 

My childhood friend, Amanda, and her family invited us to spend the week with them in Duck, NC.  We were so grateful for the chance to visit with them, break-up our summer, let the kids play, and for Amanda and I to spend time together.  We were blessed by their generosity and thankful for the time with them.

 I sure wish Abby and Amanda lived closer to each other.  They were BFF's for the week.

Amanda also LOVED Abby's Grandma :)

 

 Our mommies let us have ice cream!!

 Sissy love

 20 years ago we had our picture taken like this in OCMD

The little girl dinner table

My longest friend of 30 years

 My two favorite Amandas

 

 Special thanks to Jimmy and Jordan S. for giving Joseph some extra "man attention" that week.

 My sister and I flew to Ethiopia to legally adopt my sons, Samuel and Benjamin
(I'll blog about that trip later...I'm still wrapping my head around it all)

Samuel (right) and Benjamin (left)

Samuel (left) and Benjamin (right)

 Aunk KayKay, Samuel, Momma, and Benjamin

 

"Near the End of Deployment" care package from Annie

Family vacation with Grammy, Grandpa, Uncle Buddy, and Zia

Please don't go, Grandpa!

We have a few more visits of fun coming up:  Aunt Tina and her family are coming to the beach for a week, Jordan's parents are coming for a visit, and a sweet family we had the privilege of meeting through adoption are also coming into town.

After all that fun...nothing seems better then welcoming home the man we love most!
(Shhhh, don't tell the kids!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Africa, Here We Come!!

I'm preparing to meet my [new] children.  For the first time. 

This isn't my first rodeo but it sure feels like it.

I still vividly remember meeting my four children for the first time.  I still remember exactly how I felt, exactly how the looked and smelled, exactly what we each wore, and exactly every moment of that encounter.  I remember how I felt leading up to that day.

This time it is so different.

I think it is because my heart is in three different places. 

My heart is in [name that country] where my husband is.  I worry about his well-being and I long for his embrace.  I deeply desire his comfort and reassurance during this transition.  He does his absolute best to provide it from afar but nonetheless a large part of my heart remains with him.

My heart is in Ethiopia.  I love my sweet boys so much.  I worry daily for their health and pray for an easy transition into our family and country/culture.  My heart aches that they haven't had a mother or father in so long...and that they are old enough to realize it.  I cannot wait to show them how very much they are loved and wanted.  I cannot wait to show them that they are my irreplaceable treasure.

My heart is in North Carolina.  I have absolutely NO desire to leave my children.  The longest I have ever left them was two nights.  Even that was torture.  Say what you will but I have no intentions of leaving them unless I absolutely  have to.  I don't need a break from them.  I don't need a night off.  They are my heart.  They drive my crazy some days but none the less I hate being separated from them.  They hate the fact that I'm leaving even though they are excited about the reason.  They adore their Grammy and their Uncle Buddy but they still are fearful of my absence.  Some say  it's healthy to leave them but given their background I don't care.   It's my job as their parent to protect them and make them feel comfortable.  They are fragile and require special considerations.  Call me crazy but I truly don't care if they live with me forever.  I tell them that daily.  I've never felt as protective over them as I have over anything.  I suspect it will be the same for my new babies too.  They all have had a rough start to life and I will do everything in my power to make them feel secure and comfortable every day that I have breath.  Between my mom, my brother, and my sweet neighbor, Heather,  I know that they are in the best hands possible but my heart remains with them. (I have also prepared a 14 page document so no detail is over looked...sorry mother!!)  I hate leaving them. 
Since Jordan isn't home my dear sister is travelling with me.  There aren't many people I think I could make this journey with but thankfully my sister is one of them.  I'll be an emotional wreck and I'll need someone who understands me and will love me anyway.  After all, my heart is in three places.  I'm thankful for her company and grateful for her support.

I'm thankful for the scads and scads of donations for the orphanage from family and friends...especially from Aunt Tina, Aunt Nannie, Miss Amanda, and Pam Zerbe.  They will be well-equipped with school supplies, toiletries, first aid, and clothing.

Stay-tuned.  Our court hearing is Wednesday.  If all goes well the boys will be legally ours after that hearing.  I'll be able to post pictures and share their names.

This is one adventure that I'm sure will rock my world.

Home

First, I apologize for the scads of pictures of my sweet little babies.  Second, I apologize for this being so late.  But rest easy, my friends, this isn't a deep, thought-provoking post.  Instead, it is a collection of pictures and thoughts from my trip home to PA for just about two weeks.

It's funny, I still call Rutherford "home."  You'd think at this point when I say I'm going home I would mean to my house.  But I call my NC house "my house."  For me, "home" is PA.

As always, my parents and sister were phenomenal.  I know that having myself, four young children and two extra dogs is a burden.  A huge burden.  You don't believe we could be a burden?  Listen to this:
No talking after bedtime. 
No talking in the morning until the children wake up. 
No talking during naptime. 
Please give up your beds so children can sleep peacefully. 
Please adhere to our whole foods diet. 
Please follow the rules of our family. 
Please excuse the dozens of friends and family that come to visit.
Please excuse the even more friends and family that come to visit.
Please make extra dinner because my friends want to stay. 
Please save dinner because we'll be home late.
Please hold dinner because our plans have changed.
Please get more groceries because friends and family keep visiting. 
Please let me dogs out because I'm so tired.
Please watch my kids so I can have some much needed adult time.
Please give me some jammies because I forgot mine.
Please stock the kitchen with red wine and skittles.
Please stock the kitchen with more red wine and skittles because I'm out.

However, my parents and sister host us gracefully and do their best to make our stay comfortable.  I don't know how they do it but they do...and we're thankful.

We got to spend the start of summer swimming, riding bikes and scooters, going on walks, and visiting friends and family.  It was glorious.  The kids loved all the extra time with Great Grandma, Uncle Buddy, Zia, Aunt Tina, Cousin Tommy, Baby Elena, Miss Amanda, Baby Abby, Aunt Annie, and Uncle Joe. Here are some snap shots of our visit.

 

Doggies get a chance to swim!

Grammy Susie kept Joseph busy with his seek and find book.

Having Brooke and Bekah in the house wore out Bryn

Tina and I had a "whole foods cooking day" and this was part of our list.  I also was able to spend this entire day with my Tommy and Elena.  What a blessing.

*Sorry about the mess in the kitchen, Mom...and for all the whole foods we forced on you!*

Where is Amanda is Aunt KayKay's bed?

Here she is under the covers!

My sweet birthday boy, Joseph (Brea, Amanda, and Tommy made the cake with Grammy's help)

My two favorite Amandas...my daughter and my dearest friend.  I have to take a minute to say that spending time with Amanda brought back so many childhood memories.  We spent a good deal of time at her [childhood] house this visit and being there brought me right back to when I was five.  Her loving parents and dear brother always make me feel right back at home...just like when I was five.  The smells are the same, the sites are the same and their hearts are the same <3

On our way to NYC for Joseph birthday

Sleepy boy

Joseph with Aunt Annie and Uncle Joe...his main reason for wanting to go to NYC

Empire state building

Top of Empire State Building

Central Park

Bethesda Fountain (from the movie Enchanted)

Buggy Ride through the city

Central Park Zoo

Frozen Yogurt?!?!  This surely is my birthday!

Driving Uncle Joe's boat

One of the many times playing with Baby Abby (who clearly isn't a baby anymore)

Dress up!

One of the four sweetest and most handsome boys from Ethiopia, Noah

*I had the absolute honor and privilege of meeting the Bell Boys this trip home*

Another one of the four sweetest and most handsome boys from Ethiopia, Carson

Best Buds, Joseph and Tommy.  It's so cute, Tommy calls him "Jofiss"

Bubble bath in the pool?  Crazy Grammy!

And then it rains so they move the party into the garage.  Crazy Grammy!

Washing cars

 

 

Grammy with her girls while we're in NYC

Sidewalk chalk with the Ondo's

 

How Brea spend the ride back to NC

Thankfully we had our NC neighbor, Taylor, with us on the way home to entertain the children who remained awake.  She was a huge help.

 

It was a great trip home.  Thanks to all who made it possible and for all who helped give me a bit of a breather during this deployment.  I.am.grateful.



What I Do Tell Her

A friend of mine, an adoptive mom, posted a blog called "What I Would Tell Her" that speaks to the mother of her adopted children that she'll never meet.  That blog really impacted me.  It impacted me because I do have the opportunity to correspond to my children's parents.  It really made me reflect on what I write to them.

In my first letters I spoke of the children almost like they were statistics.  I provided their ages, height, weight, grades, etc.  I continued down the line with favorite color, favorite food, favorite toy, etc.  Then, I added a few of their standard school photos and mailed it.

Truth be told I had so much contempt for the children's parents in the beginning.  All my eyes could see was the hurt and devastation that their poor choices caused in the lives of my children.  If I am really being honest I think some of the contempt came from all the difficulty we had/have in cleaning up the mess that was left in their little hearts.  It wasn't fair that I was the one dealing with tantrums and atrocious behaviors.  It wasn't fair that I had to go to multiple doctor and therapy appointments every week.  It just wasn't fair and I wanted to cross my arms over my chest and stomp away....until I realized I wasn't the one who had the clean the mess.  I was used to help clean the mess but I had to surrender this mess to God. 

Jordan and I made the decision, though, to never speak ill of the children's parents and to allow the children to speak of them.  Although it initially went against everything my body and soul desired, I prayed for E--- and M----...and I prayed for them in front my children.  As He has a way of doing, the Lord has since softened my heart and for the past six months or so the children and I regularly pray for the salvation of their parents.  And my prayers are actually now sincere.  I think I learned that if we force ourselves to do what is right eventually our heart will right itself too.  We pray for them to make good choices.  We pray for them to love Jesus.  Here is a snippet of a prayer from Amanda and from Crystal:

Amanda:  "Dear Jesus, please let M---- learn to love you so that if she has more babies she can love them the right way."

Crystal:  "Dear Jesus, please let M--- make good choices so she can be a light in dark places."

I truly, truly believe that by encouraging conversation about the children's parents and by praying for them that the children's hearts are not only healing better but they are gaining a firm foundation of what God's heart is like.  I also believe it will help drive out any bitterness they may feel once they get older and learn more of what exactly happened.

As we were praying for M---- the other day I prayed about how I was so thankful that she chose to give the children the gift of life so that I had the opportunity to be their mother.  After we were done praying the children questioned what I meant by that.  I took a minute to think about how I would explain this to them in an age appropriate manner (talk about hard mom-moments).  Here was my best on-the-fly-pray-for-wisdom-as-I'm-speaking-answer:

"Some mommy's are very hurt, very broken, or very scared when the learn they have a baby in their belly.  Sometimes those mommies choose not to have the baby and have it taken out before it is born.  Then, the baby dies.  This is not what God wants us to do since all lives He creates are precious.  However, I want you children to hear me clearly - these mommies need extra love just like M---.  You can't learn to make good choices and to love others unless you know what love is and where love comes from.  They need to learn that God loves them no matter what and will help them no matter what.  These mommies are precious to God just like everyone in the world He created."

Thankfully, that explanation satisfied them but it really affected me.  Because M---- did choose the gift of life for each of her children, God's glory is shining all around.  While she did make poor choices and cause hurt, by her choosing life God's glory is all over this story.  My children now know of the love of Jesus and so do others who have heard their story and who have met them.  They are learning about redemption about love and about grace. 

I've written another letter to the children's parents but this time I remembered to include what is most important - the statistics of their hearts.  So, here is what I DO tell her from mother to mother:

Dear M----
Our children are growing beautifully.  Everyday they astound me with their kindness and compassion.  They truly are gifts from God.

Joseph just finished the second grade.  You will be very proud to know that he is the best reader in the entire second grade.  He reads as well as the sixth graders.  Math is still difficult for him but he always tries his best and is on grade level.  He tried out for the chess team at school.  Not only did he make the team but he got fourth place!  When he came home from school his smile was so big.  He played baseball for the first time this year.  It has always been a dream of his.  His uncle took him out to get all of his baseball gear and practiced with him before the season started.  He is doing so well for his first time playing.  He seems to have a natural athletic ability that grows stronger and stronger.  While he loves sports, he also has a tender and gentle side.  He loves his baby cousins and is always very careful with them.  He also loves to cook and create arts and craft projects.  He is such a great big brother to his sisters and always looks after them.  Joseph loves Jesus very much and spends a lot of time reading his Bible.  He has memorized many Bible stories and verses.  Next year he, along with the girls, will be attending a private Christian school so they can continue learning God's word in addition to their academics.

Crystal just finished the first grade.  You should see how well that girl does math.  She is in the accelerated math program at school and does very well.  Most of them time she doesn't even need to write the problems down on paper but instead does them in her head.  She is reading very well and enjoys stories about animals and princesses.  She is a natural born leader.  She loves to take charge and make order out of chaos.  We are trying to teach her to lead with grace and gentleness and she is trying her best to learn.  It is difficult for someone with such a strong personality to reign in their desire to take charge (trust me, I know from experience!) but she is learning.  She is a wonderful help around the house and can do most any chore as well as an adult.  You should hear her sing.  She has a beautiful soprano voice that truly is like the voice of an angel (you should hear Joseph; he's a great singer too).  We hope to start her in piano lessons at their new school so she can learn more about music.  She just had her dance recital.  She took jazz, tap, and ballet.  She did beautifully and did miss any steps.  She is already signed up to do them again next year but has also added gymnastics to the mix.

Brea just finished Pre-Kindergarten.  She is such a tender-hearted child.  Her love of life amazes me.  Despite some of her learning difficulties she inspires us all.  She can write her name and knows all of her letters.  She can also count to 100 with only a little bit of help.  She is persistent and continues to try until she succeeds.  She continues to be the quiet child - she loves to read, color, and play with her babies.  She recently was given her very own "Grown Up" Bible from the Pastor at our church.  She has already spent hours looking at it and pretending to read it.  She, too, can recite many Bible stories from memory.  Brea took tap and ballet this year.  Although she was scared to go on stage she did a wonderful job.  She signed up again next year and will also take gymnastics as well.  Brea's heart is so large and loving.  She truly is a special little girl.

Amanda just finished preschool and will start K-4 in the fall at the new school with the other children.  Amanda is SMART.  She can memorize everything that the older children memorize...sometimes even faster than they can.  She never forgets anything.  We're confident she'll do quite well in school.  She is the sweetest girl and always the life of the party.  Everyone loves the joy that Amanda brings into a room.  She always smiles and will talk to anyone.  She is such a kind, grace-giving child.  She quickly forgives everyone and passes out hugs and kisses all the time.  She adores our family dogs and calls them "her babies."  She adores Joseph and holds his hand every chance she gets.  She also loves to rub his head!  Amanda did a super job in her tap and ballet recital.  She was the youngest in her class but kept up with the rest of the girls as best as she could.  She is excited to join again next year.  Of course, she is taking gymnastics with the big girls.  Amanda's hair is long a beautiful.  You'll be proud to know that she is letting it grow so she can have it cut and donated to make wigs for children with cancer.  That is just a small story of how loving Amanda is.

We never discourage the children from talking about you or remembering you.  We know that you are a part of their life and always will be.  We feel this has helped the children's hearts to heal and we feel it has made them more confident in who they are. We all pray for you regularly, too.  We pray that you find the love and peace that only Jesus can give.  The children's sweet hearts already know that all the answers in life come from the one who loves us most...Jesus.  I am thankful that you chose to give them the gift of life.  We are thankful and grateful to God for bringing them into our lives.  We hope you enjoy the pictures.  The descriptions are on the back.  May God Bless You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX4fC4WFCIU