"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Friday, January 8, 2016

Resting in 2016

2015 was a great year.  The kids and I were able to take many trips and make many memories.  It was, though, a year that I was stretched a lot.  I grew a lot which was good but stretching that much (literally and figuratively) is never fun.  I always have said that my body is as flexible as a metal pole.  I find it no coincidence that my inner self is somewhat the same.  The growing I experienced was a direct result of my Theme Word for 2015:  Intentional (blog post here:  Intentionally Intentional).  To be quite honest, that was a hard word.  So many areas of my life needed me to be more intentional.  While it was tough, it was rewarding and worthwhile.

As I reflected on the past year and in all the areas that I showed growth I also reflected on the areas where I still need to grow.  Really, if you don't know what you lack you'll never know to search for it.  To put it plainly - I had to find the areas where I just really stink.  The areas where I habitually fail.  Then, I carefully and prayerfully considered the one that I felt God was leading towards the most.  The one that was going to be my focus for 2016.

Rest

Taking time to physically rest my body has never been easy for me.  By design, I am high-energy and highly motivated.  I began learning in my mid-20's that I needed to learn to say "NO!" and carve out time in my schedule to physically rest.  I have found that some folks believe they are only worth something if they are continually busy which is certainly not the case.  But that is another blog for another day.  My problem is resting in God.  Resting my inner self, not my physical body.

This year has already thrown some curve balls at me and has presented me with a handful of situations that I don't like.  As I began to plan how to deal with these situations - making my plan of attack, if you will - I could feel my inner being just getting tighter and more uncomfortable.  While I've pretty well managed the art of not complaining or putting on a pity party, I have not managed the art of "resting in Him."

Yes, I absolutely trust in God.  Yes, I absolutely have faith that He will work out situations in accordance with His will.  Those are strong areas of mine.  But over the past few weeks I have come to realize that resting in Him is separate from trusting Him and having faith in Him.  I felt God really trying to tell me and show me that there isn't a need for any inner struggle or worry.  

There is no need to mull situations over and over (and over and over) in my head.  

There is no need to play and replay (and replay and replay) every possible outcome to a situation in my head.  

What I need to do is focus on Him.  On His loving embrace. On His never-ending ability to give me what I need when I need it (meaning the actions, reactions, and words). On His ability to take my heavy yoke and let me rest.  On His ability to let my mind, my body, and my soul rest.  

Rest:  freedom of activity or labor; peace of mind or spirit; something used for support

You see, while I had faith that God would take care of me and my family in all situations, I took it upon myself to worry about how He would do it.  What would He require of me?  Would He do it in a way that I wanted Him to?  Would He do it in the time frame that I wanted Him to?  Would He do it in a way that didn't require much of me?  Would I have to be stretched in order for Him to do it?  Sure, I was placing myself in His hands, but I was dictating when He could hold me and when He couldn't.  I jumped in God's arms when I needed Him but then fought to get out when I thought I could do it on my own.  There have been times where I wanted him to hold me tightly with both arms but then there were times when I wanted to walk on my own.  I'd even go so far as to say there were times where I wanted His way mixed with mine so I only held onto his finger - just like a toddler.  That's not how I want my relationship with God.  I want to rest solely in Him.  But, that's hard.  I have my own ideas of how life should happen.

In 2016 I am ready to let that go.  I am ready to fully rest in Him.  In all things.  In the easy ones.  In the hard ones.  In the ones I don't want to let go of because I'm afraid of what He'll do...what He'll require of me to do.  I anticipate this being difficult for me.  I like holding the reigns.  It's become one of my coping mechanisms with all the uncertainty that comes from Jordan's schedule and raising six very active kids.  But quite frankly, it has worn me out.  It has drained me and has drained much of my spirit.  2015 left me tired, worn, and empty.  I have done my best to carry-on and draw my strength from Him.  But when I still try to use my own strength too it simply doesn't work as well.  So, as 2016 begins I am ready to embrace more stretching...but with rest (peaceful rest) as the outcome.