"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." James 1:17

Friday, September 26, 2014

A Picture Really Is Worth 1,000 Words

As Crystal was sitting at the kitchen table with gobs of arts-and-crafts supplies in front of her she very simply asked to a very pre-occupied mom, "What should I make, Momma?"  To which I very simply and half-brained replied, "Draw a picture of the thing that makes you happiest."

So, she went about her merry way and I went about mine, not paying too much mind to what she was doing.  After all, there were five other children (plus friends) trolling about all vying for my attention in some way or another.  Sometime later she finished (five minutes?  25 minutes?  I have no idea.  Children.  Trolling.  Screaming.  Chasing.  Cooking.  Cleaning.  Homework.) she handed me a folded up piece of white notebook paper and told me she made me a picture of her favorite thing.  Right.  Notebook paper.  Parent code for "not a big deal."  I satisfied her with the "put it at my chair and I'll look at it later.  My hands are busy packing lunches" response.  I'm sure in her little brain she was thinking "Yep, that's what she always says.  Put it at my chair."

Later that night (last night, really) I sat down at my chair to review my to-do list for the next day and make sure my affairs were in order before heading to bed.  I saw her little notebook paper picture folded up in front of me.  I opened it and saw this:



As a few tears started to trickle down my cheek I quickly wiped them and did what never happens in this house.  I went upstairs to wake my sleeping child.  How in the world could 21 hours in the car with me be her favorite thing?  I had no idea.  Absolutely none.  That trip was torturous.  Let me tell you about it before I explain her answer.

Kayla's engagement party was that weekend (just about one year ago to be exact).  I decided at the last minute to go because Jordan was actually home that entire weekend.  Crystal is the best car-rider and pee-holder we have so I decided to take her...mostly to give Jordan one less kid to take care of on his own.  She also doesn't have any diet restrictions like the others so I wouldn't have to worry too much about that.  She can pack her own bags and she sleeps like a champ.  Easy answer.  Crystal's coming with mom.  In the car.  For 8 hours (which due to unforeseen circumstances ended up being 13 hours) on Friday, party Saturday, 8 hours in the car Sunday.  BORING.

Switch gears with me:  I'm up in Crystal's room shaking the snot out of her.  Remember, she's a solid sleeper.  I needed her to wake up.  She looks at me like I'm crazy and then looks scared.  Remember, I NEVER wake my sleeping children.  I sit her up and take her skinny little face in my hands (mostly because her head keeps dropping back down!) and ask her "Why in the world was the super long trip to Pennsylvania your favorite thing?"  She very simply answered "Because I had you all to myself.  Not just for a little bit.  For a long bit."  She then curled back up and appeared to have no further intentions of answering any other questions I may have for her.  As I walked back down the stairs I started thinking.  How in the world could that be your favorite thing.  We went to Disney World.  With our whole family.  We've been to HersheyPark.  With our whole family.  We went to a super water park.  With our whole family.  I took you to NYC to pick out your very first American Girl Doll.  With your sister.  We spent days at a lake house.  With our friends.  We go on walks together - just us.  For 10 minutes.  We have girl talk after the little girls go to bed and your the only girl awake.  Until a brother interrupts us.  We went to Washington DC.  With your best friend and brothers.  I gave up my career so I could spend all the time I have with you.  And with your siblings and your dad and my chores.  We do lots of fun and exciting things together.  But not just us and not for long periods of time.

One of the hard things about having a lot of children and having a husband whose job demands so much of his time is that it leaves very little (so very, very little) time for one-on-one parental attention, not to mention time for us to keep dating (please keep your "this is why people should only have two kids" comments to yourself, thank you).  I try my hardest to carve out little smidgens of time where my eyes are ears are focused only on only one kid at a time.  It's tough.  It's really tough.  I've heard so many arguments about the quality time vs. quantity of time you spend with your kids.  What I've been learning and what this confirmed is that...they need both!  As further confirmation (crazy how our God works!) I came across this article posted by a friend while I was in the middle of writing this blog:

http://drjamesdobson.org/articles/parenting-june2011/90-sec-commentaries/quality-quantity

This is an area where I know I need to constantly and consistently be intentional.  I fail so many times and miss so many great opportunities because other things beckon to me.  It's not just other kids.  It's housework, dinner, dishes, bills, dogs, friends, family, rest, etc.  The kids have never ever complained that I don't spend enough time with them.  I think they see that I try.  I think they see that they are important to me.  But, after seeing a little glimpse into the heart of my daughter, I know they need and want and deserve even more.

Your take-away:  try to carve out both quality and quantity time with your kids and see if it even further fills their little love tanks <3

Friday, September 12, 2014

We Are That Family

Yes, it's true.  We are that family.  You know, the weird ones.  Come on, you know exactly what I mean.  Everyone has "that family" in their neighborhood, at their school, or in their church.  Maybe even in their  extended family.  Somehow, I'm pretty sure we're "that family" in all those domains of our life some way or another.  But guess what?

I don't give a flying fig. 
(bonus points to the first person who can tell me where I got this catchy little phrase)

I can't say that if we had a traditionally built family we'd be this, well, odd.  Maybe it wouldn't mean as much to me to be "that family."  Maybe it would have.  Who knows.  Regardless, when our children (all six) came into our lives I instantly went into "they-need-to-know-what-a-real-family-looks-like" mode.  I didn't want their perception of family to be filled with memories being alone, abandoned, unloved, or unwanted, which is exactly what their perception was at that time.

We know that some of you are "those families" out there too.  Know that we appreciate you.  When our kids see your families it only drives our points home.  It also shows them that we're not the only weird ones :)

Note:  If you're easily offended stop reading now.  If you're easily offended but can see past what I'm about to suggest given our family's circumstances, by all means continue onward.  I in absolutely no way intend to discredit, point my finger at, or disapprove of anyone's family structures, routines, or overall operations.  This is my point of view, my observations, and my musings from my family.

Enough of the chatter.  On to my mission of:  Here's what OUR family is.

We're that family because we eat together.  At the dinner table (what?!?).  Every meal.  Every day (except for school of course).  No TV (now you're just crazy).  If we have to eat dinner at 4:30 so we can eat together.  Perfect.  If we have a wait until 6:30 until the boys are home from soccer.  No problem.  If your friends are here they can eat too.  No problem at all.  I'd LOVE the chance to hear what your friends have to say and include them in our life.  Here.  At my table.  Along with the fact that Jordan works hard for our money and I work hard to cook wholesome meals, I LOVE dinner time with my kids.  I love the conversation that happens.  I love the story-telling.  I love the problem-solving that the kids provide to each other.  I love the prayer requests that get offered.  I love hearing about their day, their problems, their successes, and their lives.  I love looking at all my little birds.   I hate the fighting and arguing but we're getting better at that.  After all, we are a family :)  By the way, we always have two choices for dinner:  eat it now or eat it later.  I don't cook separate meals for separate kids.  Ever.  Unless you are sick or dying.




We're that family because we have one common TV and that TV has lots of rules.  No TV in kids' bedrooms.  No kids using the guest room TV.  No TV during the day.  No TV-14, no PG-13.  If my kids are going to watch TV, I want to know exactly what they are watching AND I want to watch it with them.  I want to know what they are taking away from what enters their eyes and ears.  I want to point out better solutions to TV drama problems (like should Jessie tell her friend she lied or try to hide it - shoot me).  As far as the television goes, we don't even let the kids watch TV until after dinner and showers...and the occasional soccer game or Penn State game on the weekends.  We have family (all of us) movie days sometimes too.    I don't care if all your friends watch TV-14 shows and PG-13 movies.  I don't care if you're missing out on trashy music videos.  Hate me.  I still love you. (By the way, it was super oh so hard to train my kids to not ask for or desire the TV.  But it's possible.  You'd be surprised at how creative they get when there is nothing to distract them.)  I'd much rather them fight together and learn to communicate effectively (and sometimes ineffectively)  then look like zombies in front of the TV and not communicate at all.



We're that family because we have no video game system.  What?!  Are you serious?  Yes.  Dead serious.  I hate video games.  I hate how addicting they are.  I hate that they take the reality out of shooting people.  I hate how kids fight over them.  I hate how they become a bargaining tool for behavior and grades.  So, you got an A on your test?  Here, go play a video game and get out of my hair (when deep down all the kid wants is your attention anyway).  No, I don't think video games are the devil.  Maybe his spawn, though.  Yes, my kids have played video games at friends' houses but I encourage them to stay away from shoot-em-ups.  Maybe one day we'll have one.  Maybe not.  For now, we're that family.  Let's play together.







We're that family because my kids don't have cell phones, ipods, ipads, whatever you call them.  There is no reason my children need to text anyone.  There is no reason my children need to access the internet on a device I cannot see what they are accessing.  There is no reason my child needs a phone because if they are somewhere and I don't know where they are - they are probably dead anyway.  When the need for a cell phone arises we'll deal with it then...jobs, driver's license, etc.  Until then if you want to talk to them, call our house or my phone.  I also don't want my child's face staring at a screen for hours at a time playing some candy crush game or solitaire.  We have about 85 decks of cards.  Go get one.







We're that family because my kids have chores.  Regular chores.  Every day.  A decent number of them too by "today's standards."  They are responsible for cleaning their own bathrooms.  They are responsible for bringing me their hamper when they need clothes (you run out of underwear or socks, to bad so sad), for folding them, and for putting them away.  Amanda started when she was four.  She's quite capable.  (Learning Moment:  one day she didn't bring her hamper in time.  She looked so funny running around in Brea's size 6 panties when her little hiney buns were is size 2-3.  But guess what - it only happen once.)  They set the table, do the trash, cut the grass, wash the windows, walk the dogs, etc.  Hear me loudly:  they are not my little chore children.  They are part of our family.  Families work together.  We do chores together.  Then, we rest together and play together.  Families do life together.  




We're that family because we don't do sleepovers and go-play-anywhere-in-the-neighborhood-just-get-out-of-my-hair-please.  Bottom line:  the world is getting uglier and uglier by the day.  I just don't trust people when it comes to my kids.  They have endured so much hurt and I have no intention of that being repeated in any shape or form.  There are a very, and I mean very small few of you who have ever had my kids in your house without me present.  That number grows even smaller for having my children sleep there.  Please, no offense at all if you don't see my kids in your house.  Really.  And, if you have, well, then you rank among the angels :)  Plus, I love having my birds here in the nest.  The things kids can hear, see, and find on unsupervised internet, electronic devices, and literature baffles me.  Play here.  Be loud.  Make a mess (but you better clean it up properly or I'll put you and your toys in time out).



We're that family because we go places together.  We grocery shop together.  It's actually fun because the kids enjoy it (see, I told you we're strange).  We run errands together.  I give out lists to the big kids and they take a little kid with them.  We work together.  As a family.  We go out to dinner together.  And you know what?  My kids behave...because I expect them too.  When we have extra time and money I want to enjoy both of them as a family...together.  We vacation together.  I want to take vacations with my children, not from my children.  I'll be the first to say it.  There are moments, hours, days even where they drive me absolutely batty.  Like poke-my-eyeballs-out-where-is-a-glass-of-wine-batty.  But I wouldn't trade my time with them for all the battiness in the world.  









We're that family because we support each other's endeavors.  I don't care if you've watched six hours of a ballet recital.  You're staying to finish the remaining two.  I don't care if you've seen every soccer game your brother has ever played in - you'll keep cheering him on...with the right attitude.  I don't care if baseball games seem like they drag on for ages and the sand fleas are biting your legs - you'll live.  Families support each other.  Families are there for each other.  I think there is great benefit in learning to be happy for others, for putting your interests aside for the benefit of someone else, and for simply being patient.  Talk is cheap.  I always tell my children that you can tell someone you love them.  But you know it's genuine when you show them.  Sacrifice for those you love.

"Little children, let us not love with word and with tongue, but in deed and truth."
- 1 John 3:18







We are that family because we love God.  We pray together before we eat together.  We teach our children to pray aloud for themselves and for others.  We go to church and sit in a pew as a family.  Sure, your friends may be right behind us but we sit together.  We praise God when we're on a high and we make the conscious effort to still praise Him when we're low.  We talk about what God has done and what He can do.  We talk a lot about loving others.  No matter what lifestyle choices they make.  Do we set healthy boundaries?  Absolutely.  Do we turn to scripture to understand what lifestyle choices God wants us to make?  We sure do.  But we try (and still fail all the time) to genuinely love others with our words and our actions.  We also try to love God first in all the choices we make and are trying to teach our kids to do that too.


" 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.'  This is the great and foremost commandment.  The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' "
- Matthew 22: 37-39

We're that family because we're not perfect.  Refer to the beginning.  Maybe we're too much family.  I don't know.  But at the end of the day I want my kids to know that I want them.  That they are valued.  That they are treasured.  That this family is not complete without them...and neither is my heart.

Maybe I'm not preparing them "for the world."  I don't know that either.  What I do know is that I'm preparing them for eternity.  That's what matters to me.   I fail everyday.  They do too.  We proudly claim our new mercies every morning and start fresh.  After a cup of coffee, of course :)

What is your take-away (besides the fact that the Ames are happily strange?)?  It is this:  whatever rhythm works for your family, to keep you together as a family, to build each other up - find it and settle in it.  Just make sure you do it as a family for your family.  I can't imagine I will ever look back on my life and think "Gee, I wish I would have spent less time with my family."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ71RWJhS_M



Sunday, September 7, 2014

Six Is More Than Four

It's true.  Six is really more than four.  When they come in larger packages (read:  bodies) six seems like so much more than four. 

Benjamin and Samuel eat as much food as the little four kids combined.
I buy more.
 Benjamin and Samuel generate just about as much laundry as the little four do combined. 
I wash it.
Benjamin and Samuel generate twice as much dirt, dust, sweat, and sand as the little four do.
I clean it.
Benjamin and Samuel have more than twice the amount of emotions and hormones.
I talk them through it (awkwardly at time!)
Benjamin and Samuel generate twice as much noise as the little four do (99% of this is Benjamin).
I try my best to tolerate it.
Benjamin and Samuel are here and they are mine.
I love it.

It has been so long since my last post because, well, six is really more than four (I actually started this post in March - haha).  All of the quiet moments at night after the little fou went to bed that I could sneak in a blog post, a favorite book, a bubble bath, or NCIS has been spent in "teen time."  I have been working diligently to learn and know the hearts of my new boys.  I have spent countless hours just sitting with them on the couch watching soccer (kill me) waiting for them to let me catch a glimpse of their heart.  Wouldn't you believe it, the more time you spend with your kids on their level the more they actually will open up to you and let you into their lives.  Over the past 10 (Holy Cow) months we have settled into a pretty good rhythm as a family.  Initially (read: the first 6 months or so) we had some pretty big hurdles to overcome that were just riddled with hurt, anguish, grief, and loss, and confusion.  As kids tend to be, the boys proved to be just as resilient as the little four and as God always is, He proved to be faithful to redeem hurts and hearts.  The four little kids adore their big brothers and they adore the little kids.  Benjamin and Samuel have been especially good for my Joseph.  They are definitely positive role models in his life.  Of course, Amanda has them both wrapped around her little finger.

We had a fantastic summer.  If we were not on a vacation or adventure then we were hosting someone here.  Seriously.  Out of 101 summer days, 76 of them were spent vacationing or hosting.  Those in between days were spent packing, unpacking, or changing linens.  Though it exhausted me to the core I would do it again and plan to next summer :)  My house direly needs some one-on-one attention in every corner of every room (can you believe it, I am now at the point where I can put off house work to enjoy life...but only for a short time...then the Type-A Sarah we all know kicks back into gear).  But, the kids had a blast, I had a blast, and we were able to spend some much needed time with Jordan.  I loved spending so much time with the kids.  If it weren't for the brain in my head I'd consider homeschooling them so I can see them every hour of every day (note:  this is NOT a knock at any homeschooling mama...only my self-imposed inability to properly educate all of them).

Enter:  deployment and school

Jordan left about three weeks ago (we miss you more and more and more each day, my dear), summer ended, and school started last week.  Add on:  soccer, youth group, gymnastics, jazz, tap, and lyrical.  Can you say adjustment period?  We are working on finding our new normal but are quite far away from it at this point.  My dear husband has allowed me to have a nanny who started with us at the start of the school year.  I had been praying and calculating how I would ever cart these kids everywhere the need to be while still maintaining our home and relationships with each other.  Plus, you all know me.  I don't trust anyone with my angels.  How in the world would I ever find an energetic, trustworthy, flexible, God-fearing nanny whom I could trust with my treasures.  Mentioning it in casual conversation to a friend God provided the perfect person.  Rebekah has already been a huge blessing to all of us.  We love her dearly and I love how she loves us too.

The four little kids are doing so well.  I am so proud of them.  I am so proud of all six of them.  I am so grateful to God that He chose me to be their mother.  There are many moments when I don't feel worthy of such a calling...until I remember He is the one who called me to this.  If God has faith in me then He will equip me and stand by me.  For this, too, I am grateful.

I have learned so many things and have so much more to blog about.  But, it's teen time...to the couch I go...and, I already checked.  Soccer isn't on tonight :)